Saturday, March 14, 2009

Just Me...Seeking...His Way

This is a totally free lance post. I feel I must share some piece of encouragement, enlightenment, enrichment, or strength with you all. Oh how I long to love the Lord with my written word. How I long to commune with God in my written word. How I long to minister to the hearts of the readers who've blessed me by their eyes on my words. I had some pieces rolling around in my head. Some drafts started from long ago. But something in my heart says to write on the current days of my life and heart.

Many of you know what is occurring right now in my life regarding the selling of my house. Because I believe so much in the power of prayer, I've mass emailed about 100 people. I know it was more than 50 because hotmail only allows 50 recipients at a time and I had to send two emails. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16

During the last 20 months of this very painful yet enriching journey, God has never left me. I can never allow the enemy to convince me otherwise. I have said from day one, I know God has a plan for the selling of my house. Maintaining my house financially and physically without my beloved for so many months has been emotionally draining. I've at times wondered why, why do You want me here so long and still. Yet, even in wondering why, I didn't question His plan. I didn't question His power to sell my house regardless of the market. He is so much more powerful that a failing economy. I didn't question He would make good out of the sale of my house. My house really has been released into His Hands. I admit it's been harder to let go and release to that same level some relational matters and desires for restoration. I guess the closer things get to our hearts, the harder it is to let go. Don't get me wrong, there are so many emotional aspects of living in my home, selling it, and moving to another alone. Yet, marital and relational issues are so much closer to my heart. When it's a matter of love, can we get any closer to the human heart? Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3

I admit I feel I've seen God's hand less times than I've not seen His hand. Catch that? There are few times I've "seen" Him working. "They" (whomever they are) tell us that when we least see His hand, that is when He is working the most. Amen to that, huh? I can only hope and believe that to be true. Or rather, I know He is always working in my life but to Him that doesn't always mean He has to be busy. We in our flesh typically feel we must always be working or doing. It's not more apparent than in our conversations. Most of us hate those awkward moments of silence. We hate those moments of not doing and feeling we are being productive. YET, so much good comes from silence. So much good comes from putting aside the to-do list and waiting. The Lord is good to those who wait upon Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25

The Lord has been so good to me in this heartbreak that I never thought I'd have to endure nor never thought I could endure. He has been faithful to me. I know He is faithful to us even when we do not feel Him nor do we see Him doing anything. I'm no stranger to being real with Him and yelling out to Him. Asking why He won't...or why He can't just...or when will He...I've cried and begged Him. I've pleaded please, please, please. Yet, silence. OR so I think.

After 20 1/2 months I have a real offer on my house. After so long, I got use to the phone calls for a showing and used them as an excuse to clean my house. Fifty-three showings. Will it be the last? Only God knows. I live in a very nice and pleasing home and have grown very comfortable in it, especially during the winters. My first visit to my yard a couple weeks ago and my heart raced at the anxiety of all the yard work that spring brings. Oh my. I dread it. I love it but dread doing it alone and with the memories. I remember that day so clearly when I quickly cleaned some flower beds last minute before a showing. I cried out and begged Him to take this home. That was Saturday, February 28th.

So, the nervousness came this past Wednesday when my realtor called to say "we have an offer". Oh my. I'm not ready, Lord. Oh the packing, the moving, the emotions of leaving, the anxiety of finding another home and deciding alone. The last four days have been filled with prayers and many pleas to the Lord to "show me". Show me Your way. Psalm 25:4 I've gone back and forth from excited to nervous. Two highly possible houses have been laid before me. There couldn't be two more different houses, both immediately available. Oh how I wonder if one of these He has prepared for me and which one. I would so quickly jump on the one He desires for me with no question, if only He will tell me, show me. I will obey. I feel Him working but just can't see the path clearly. Only time will tell. Days and we should know if I need to pursue a new home. I love the house where You live, O LORD, the place where Your glory dwells. Psalm 26:8

How can nervousness and excitement reside in the body and heart at the same time? So many events can do that. The big one being a wedding. Graduation. Moving. New Job.

Have you ever pondered on this odd mix of emotions? How complex our Creator created us with such an array of emotions.

He is good. He is mighty in all His ways. He has a plan. He is the Man. He is the Miracle Maker. He is everything.

I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7

Trusting in His Goodness,

© Copyright 2008

14 comments:

Lking said...

Dear Sweet Pea,
I have just started to follow your blog.
My son is going through the same sort of thing that you are. I will e-mail you his story. It is awesome how God has worked in his situation.
My blog is: momlk.blogspot.com
I have a group on facebook, Grace Belivers/Rightly dividing the Word of Truth.
Check both of them out.

Beth in NC said...

Oh Paula,

I can't imagine having to make this type of decision. I am trusting in agreement with you that God is going to give you peace in the house you choose.

God bless you dear!
Beth

Pam said...

ive been wondering how things were going with the sale, you've been so quiet... i am praying for you!

Daughter of the King said...

Paula,

I will pray for you. He will show you the way.

Your love and obedience for Him is evident.

May God shower you with more blessings as you venture down this new path in your life.

Abba's Girl said...

Am in prayer for you.

Annette

Laura said...

I am praying, friend. He is faithful, and He sees your faithfulness. I know He has wonderful things planned for you.

On my knees...

Melanie said...

I'll be praying...

Wendy said...

Your testimony and heart are beautiful and I am blessed to see them both. Thanks for being transparent with us.

Angela said...

(((hugs)) I give you Haggai 2:9 beloved one!!.....

Tonja said...

My prayers are with you as you are searching for the right way. This is one of the things that I do whe His direction is not clear. I pray and ask Him to put up road blocks if the way I am going is not the right thing. Then I proceed in the way I think He is leading....trusting that if it is not...He will show me. This works for me and maybe this will be of some help to you.

Yes, my profile pictures is about 4 years ago. Unfortunatly, one of my battles is with weight...so that is why I look a little different. I pray that I can get back to the 'slimmer' version of me!

Tammy said...

I know the emotions that is tugging at your heart. I had a lot of mixed feelings when I had to sell my parents house after they both passed away.

It broke my heart knowing that I would never walk through the kitchen door again and say "It's just me."

With God directing your steps,you can't go wrong.

love and hugs~Tammy

much2ponder said...

((((Paula)))))
You know it is in his hands as you stated here. He knows what is best for you, though he may not say which home is best because it leaves it up to free will and that is all part of his plan too. What choices will we make when given free will, right? God so loves you and wants what is best for you, but rarely ever does he give a road map as you know. You are a precious child of God who loves you deeply. He knows the choice you will make and the reason you will make it. Simply said, he is not going to give you two choices and expect you to make the wrong one. This must be very difficult, so many decisions and not small ones and you are doing this on your own, aside from God's help I mean. You are truly stepping out in faith and trusting he will catch you when you make your decision and he will catch you. He is working as you stated in your post, especially when it seems like nothing is happening. I love this scripture you posted it is very fitting:) Praying you are able to simply release this to God and that he will close any doors that are not meant for you to walk through. God opens doors that no one can close and closes doors that no one can open. Praise the Lord! He is awesome!

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." Proverbs 3:3

Sharon said...

Paula, I am praying for you and all situations. Yes it is hard I know, I remember when I left my home of 17 years from my 1st marriage, how beautiful it was and how hard we worked to get it there.
I know God is working on you, I have seen this for awhile now, You will know soon all that you need to know and all that he has been preparing for you. I am sooo looking forward to that post.
God Bless you my friend

Tracy said...

Praying, praying dear friend. So many things converging at once and yet we know He's right there in the midst of it all. I love the scriptures you shared. Keep your heart yielded and trust Him to close whatever door He doesn't want for you. Trusting with you in His diving best...

Love,
Tracy