This is a totally free lance post. I feel I must share some piece of encouragement, enlightenment, enrichment, or strength with you all. Oh how I long to love the Lord with my written word. How I long to commune with God in my written word. How I long to minister to the hearts of the readers who've blessed me by their eyes on my words. I had some pieces rolling around in my head. Some drafts started from long ago. But something in my heart says to write on the current days of my life and heart.
Many of you know what is occurring right now in my life regarding the selling of my house. Because I believe so much in the power of prayer, I've mass emailed about 100 people. I know it was more than 50 because hotmail only allows 50 recipients at a time and I had to send two emails. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16
During the last 20 months of this very painful yet enriching journey, God has never left me. I can never allow the enemy to convince me otherwise. I have said from day one, I know God has a plan for the selling of my house. Maintaining my house financially and physically without my beloved for so many months has been emotionally draining. I've at times wondered why, why do You want me here so long and still. Yet, even in wondering why, I didn't question His plan. I didn't question His power to sell my house regardless of the market. He is so much more powerful that a failing economy. I didn't question He would make good out of the sale of my house. My house really has been released into His Hands. I admit it's been harder to let go and release to that same level some relational matters and desires for restoration. I guess the closer things get to our hearts, the harder it is to let go. Don't get me wrong, there are so many emotional aspects of living in my home, selling it, and moving to another alone. Yet, marital and relational issues are so much closer to my heart. When it's a matter of love, can we get any closer to the human heart? Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3
I admit I feel I've seen God's hand less times than I've not seen His hand. Catch that? There are few times I've "seen" Him working. "They" (whomever they are) tell us that when we least see His hand, that is when He is working the most. Amen to that, huh? I can only hope and believe that to be true. Or rather, I know He is always working in my life but to Him that doesn't always mean He has to be busy. We in our flesh typically feel we must always be working or doing. It's not more apparent than in our conversations. Most of us hate those awkward moments of silence. We hate those moments of not doing and feeling we are being productive. YET, so much good comes from silence. So much good comes from putting aside the to-do list and waiting. The Lord is good to those who wait upon Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25
The Lord has been so good to me in this heartbreak that I never thought I'd have to endure nor never thought I could endure. He has been faithful to me. I know He is faithful to us even when we do not feel Him nor do we see Him doing anything. I'm no stranger to being real with Him and yelling out to Him. Asking why He won't...or why He can't just...or when will He...I've cried and begged Him. I've pleaded please, please, please. Yet, silence. OR so I think.
After 20 1/2 months I have a real offer on my house. After so long, I got use to the phone calls for a showing and used them as an excuse to clean my house. Fifty-three showings. Will it be the last? Only God knows. I live in a very nice and pleasing home and have grown very comfortable in it, especially during the winters. My first visit to my yard a couple weeks ago and my heart raced at the anxiety of all the yard work that spring brings. Oh my. I dread it. I love it but dread doing it alone and with the memories. I remember that day so clearly when I quickly cleaned some flower beds last minute before a showing. I cried out and begged Him to take this home. That was Saturday, February 28th.
So, the nervousness came this past Wednesday when my realtor called to say "we have an offer". Oh my. I'm not ready, Lord. Oh the packing, the moving, the emotions of leaving, the anxiety of finding another home and deciding alone. The last four days have been filled with prayers and many pleas to the Lord to "show me". Show me Your way. Psalm 25:4 I've gone back and forth from excited to nervous. Two highly possible houses have been laid before me. There couldn't be two more different houses, both immediately available. Oh how I wonder if one of these He has prepared for me and which one. I would so quickly jump on the one He desires for me with no question, if only He will tell me, show me. I will obey. I feel Him working but just can't see the path clearly. Only time will tell. Days and we should know if I need to pursue a new home. I love the house where You live, O LORD, the place where Your glory dwells. Psalm 26:8
How can nervousness and excitement reside in the body and heart at the same time? So many events can do that. The big one being a wedding. Graduation. Moving. New Job.
Have you ever pondered on this odd mix of emotions? How complex our Creator created us with such an array of emotions.
He is good. He is mighty in all His ways. He has a plan. He is the Man. He is the Miracle Maker. He is everything.
I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7
Trusting in His Goodness,
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