Angry at God?

Can we be angry at God?

It happens from time to time, from season to season. If we are honest, we've all experienced it. It happens. Even if we don't think it in our minds. Even if we don't feel it in our hearts. Even if we don't utter it from our lips. So, if it's there, why don't we simply express it? God already knows way before the thought is even close to formulated.

It happened to Jonah.

Jonah was angry at the Lord's compassion. But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry. He prayed to the Lord, "O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live." But the Lord replied, "Have you any right to be angry?" Jonah 4:1-4

Simply answered, I say no, I do not have a right to be angry.

But...it still happened to me.

Part of the trial I've been enduring the last almost 16 months is maintaining my home by myself while trying to sell it. I truly have a love-hate relationship with push mowing and weeding my yard. The yard with lots of trees, lots of flowers, two ponds, hills, dips, and bumps. I say I don't mind and I don't think I do for the most part. I listen to God's music and try to make it a time of worship, reflection, and prayer.

However, on two distinct occasions that has not been the result. Instead, mowing the yard has stirred up angry feelings about being left to maintain this yard and home by myself. Those feelings led to other intense feelings that come from the emotions of abandonment and rejection.

I've long since repented and turned from any actions that would've caused this rejection and abandonment; therefore, leaving me with the thoughts of why am I still seemingly being "punished". I'm not being punished by God but it can feel that way when I don't see Him rectifying and restoring upon my repentance.

In the past months I've wondered why God hasn't done something as simple as selling my house. I realize that my prayer to restore is much larger, involves others, and will need time and cooperation of His children. However, why can't part of my life just "go on" by selling my house?

So, in the midst of my anger toward those who've abandon me (one in a great way, others in lesser ways), I began to question the ultimate --"God why have You forsake me? Why aren't You doing anything in these two areas of my life? Why won't You simply sell my house and provide a fresh start for now?"

This conversation continued. Going back and forth from being directed at God to being directed at others in my life (or rather not in my life currently). It climaxed with words never uttered, words that break my heart, words that spear my soul, and words that fill my spirit with regret.

"I'm angry at You, God."

Do not be angry beyond measure, O Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look upon us, we pray, for we are all your people. Isaiah 64:9

I've since said I'm sorry more times than I can count. I have felt His forgiveness and understanding while still filled with remorse. My Lord has shown me so much compassion. That evening after this intense emotional release and sobbing fit, my Lord sent me a reminder of His fourth fruit: patience. Who else sent it to me but my realtor whom I also consider a friend since our now 16-month business relationship.

What a timely message from my Abba Father reminding me He is here and for me to wait on Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait on Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25

As I prepared for church I asked the Lord to give me a heart of worship especially since my heart had been hard, hurt and heavy towards Him the night prior. Tired of listening to the religious program on tv, I switched the station only to have my ears welcomed to one of my favorite worship songs, of which I've forgotten the name. Oh, how that song filled my heart.

Though the sermon at church was titled "Why Now?" and spoke of the reasons for our new building campaign beginning now, I again found the message from God timely and personal. Pastor spoke about God's timing and it refreshed my mind of how pivotal God's timing is in my life. He is trustworthy and His timing is trustworthy.

Speaking of trust, I think it is only poignant to end with my life verse.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trusting Him and His Timing,