Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Releasing the Storms

It's me, SweetPea Paula. Have you missed me in these nineteen days? I drafted a post last week with pen and would still like to share it but it's not of the genre I usually share here and I'm not sure how it would be received or even if any real interest would exist. I know it's been forever and a day since I've posted. I've searched the Father and asked Him for words, for something to share from Him through me. Nothing has come to me. I've not really had the time...okay, that's not totally true. But, I've not have the emotional desire, seems to be the simplest and concise reasoning.

So, since I've not felt God provide a rabbit to pull out of my heart--nothing spoken to my heart spontaneously--I went to my drafts. Drafts of posts I've started when I feel the Spirit speaking a sentence, a phrase, a paragraph, and sometimes only a title to me. I found a piece where I had sent an email to a dear friend. I pasted it into my drafts thinking at some point I would use it and transform it into a full post.

Instead, I've decided to post it as is. Again, because either God is not giving me the words to change it or I'm not giving Him the opportunity to speak to my heart and change them for me. My heart needs a boost and has been lacking that boost for some time.

I pray this can minister to you "as is." The recipient's name has been omitted and replaced with L. I don't know when this was written but the Memorial Day weekend referenced is 2008. So, this is about a year old.

As I listen to the storm outside about to brew, I think of this storm of life you are painfully enduring. As Christians, I believe they are a part of our call in following God...storms, treacherous storms. My heart breaks for you and I have already lifted my petitions to the Father, the One and Only who can change this situation and transform your daughter's heart.

You are exactly right that it is only when WE let go, HE can begin to work. I believe it is at that point that we let go and we genuinely don't try to secretly crawl back up to the Cross and take it back. When we come to this point, as you stated you have, it is so liberating. That is exactly where the peace is.

Without sidetracking onto me, I indeed did experience this on Memorial Day weekend. As I type this I can see the "irony" of why my incident happened on that weekend, a weekend to remember the dead...for me, a time to release a dead relationship into the Hands of the Heavenly Father. I was totally freed. Ironically, it was through the very mean and so painful words of my beloved that I was able to say "I see, God. I understand now, God. You were waiting on me. I surrender. I let go." And indeed I have. I still have the emotional roller coaster. I still have the ups and downs. I still have the questions. I still have the wondering and waiting and what ifs. But there's something that is resting within my soul that says: "God's taking care of it. You just wait on Him."

Those are the words I give to you. God is taking care of it. You just wait on Him, L.

I too love the conversation you had with God. Doesn't it just change our whole perspective when we realize they are not ours...they are not our children, they are not our husbands, they are not our loved ones. Your God loves your daughter more than you ever could. What better Hands in which to trust her than the Precious Lord.

I'm sure the problems and issues with your daughter will not escape you immediately or soon. As it seems, many times, we must wait on the Lord. Often times, the problems with our loved ones is not just about them but also doing a work in us. The Lord will use this time not only to draw His daughter (your daughter) to Him but to also draw you (His daughter) even closer to Him and to prune you. Oh, the bitter sweet pruning of God. His pruning indeed is very painful but the end result is beautiful. Just as we prune our flowers and hate to see them be reduced to stubbles, in time, we see the bountiful beauty that blossoms.

I love you, my dear sweet friend.

Oh how I'm brought to tears reading this again. Selfishly, wishing, hoping, praying for that exhilarating feeling I had over a year ago after my revealing Memorial Day experience. That feeling of assurance. That feeling of calm. That feeling of peace. I remember how clear His voice was to me that day and in that revelation. What an awesome assurance to know clearly when we've heard the voice of the Almighty.

Unfortunately, I can say I still have those same ups and downs, roller coaster feelings and questions regarding this situation of my dead marriage. Still have the wondering, waiting, and what ifs. Still anxious of what's happening on the other side of my mountain, what God is doing, and how much longer until I get to see the view from the mountaintop...to see the result of His magnificent work waiting just on the other side of this painful mountain journey.

I do want to say that I hesitated and considered replacing the words "my beloved" with "another" to further protect. However, I feel it is important to know with whom the situation involved to show the huge gravity and thus making the revelation so much stronger. I do not include that reference to defame but for understanding. What I should've received as a devastating experience and negative conversation, God made into such a beautiful conversation with HIM. I have shared my own regretful amount of hurtful words so that statement in no way is of judgment.

My prayer for you is that this touches you in the depths of your spirit and in whatever situation you find yourself. May God's power be released in the midst of your storms as you release your storms to Him.

I'm no scientist but I've been told the eye of a storm is very calm. Can you imagine? Envision being there...the storm is brewing all around you, a terrible frightening tornado as we have in my parts, but the Lord is holding you in the eye of the storm. He is holding you ever so calm. His calmness radiates onto you. Chaos is all around you. The storm is devastating and destructive. Yet, it will not destroy you/me because we have the great Shelter from the storm. He does not say He will protect us from the effects of the storm but He will protect us from defeat and destruction. We may have downed power lines, houses destroyed, trees laying on cars, broken relationships, death, job losses, financial turmoil, but He won't let any of that defeat or destroy us.

As I read this post once more before publishing, I'm reflecting on that joyous feeling over a year ago. Praying for some of that calmness, assurance, and peace to return this beaten and weary soul still wondering what to do, what to think, what to feel about this hidden but hopeful joy over the mountain.

Releasing Unto Him,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.


Karen (Canadian Soldier's Wife) said...

God is taking care of it. You just wait on Him.

Wow, did I ever need that reminder tonight. Thanks :)

andi said...

I was just thinking about you when a new post from you popped up on my page. :)
I have prayed for you these last couple of weeks....
When we can't see His hand, trust His heart.
Rest easy sweet one, He is fighting for you, He IS working for your good.
In acceptance lies peace.
So trite, but so true.

Carol said...

Hi there my Sweet Friend,
What a joy it was to look and see your post.

The letter your wrote was so beautiful and so encouraging, I'm going to send the link to my cousin's wife. I love your referrence to the eye of the storm.

Your posts always speak to me. I love you my friend.

your pea pod

Nicole said...

Good to hear from you through your blog. Praying for you tonight.


Liz said...

Yes, Paula, I missed you. I love the letter, makes me think of a friend of mine who is in a stormy place with a child. Thanks for the encouragement.
And ... be still and know that He is God. :)

Sharon said...

Yep the bitter sweet of pruning can be so hard sometimes, and this I have been feeling, when I cut my roses back they look so sad, there are times I am sad, especially when some-things aren't or don't go my way, I expect for this to happen now, like I expect my roses to be grown and beautiful the next week. Not always can this happen like this, I have seen some-things grow faster than I expected. But as I get pruned in his word and in prayer I can feel his Love grow in my heart.
I always want to be his blossom :)

Great post, lots to absorb! Love posts like this.
Have a blessed day :)

Karen said...

I have a situation with my child that is so painful because I am not allowed to see the grandchildren either and they do not understand why I don't visit or call.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
I just finished reading a testimony by Isabel Allum about how God healed her relationship with her daughter. I know God hears my prayers. I wait on Him.

Angie said...

Paula...I've ridden that roller coaster...and the "not writing" issue has been my pain as well.

I felt an empty spot---not writing...I NEED to express my heart...but these past few weeks, I have "blogged" less, and written more---in my journal of devotion to Him. Those words will never be read by anyone unless I pass from this life...but they are to HIM.

I think I needed that break for "thinking" time with Him.
I hope you are back...I missed you!

Runner Mom said...

Hey, Paula! This was lovely. So glad that you posted. :)

Also, thanks for this Lowes tip. I DO remember hearing on a commercial that it was supposed to be free. I'll check it out the next time I'm there!!


Beth in NC said...

God bless you Paula. You are so precious. You were a great encourager to your friend and I know as much as I desire to give good things to my daughter, Father God desires to give good things to you and grant the desires of your heart.


Lelia Chealey said...

Umm...I will be e-mailing you my dear friend. Wow Paula you really spoke right to my heart. You have no idea. And today I was about to email you requesting prayer but you beat me to it. :)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I have missed your posts....Thanks for sharing this one.

Pat said...

No matter what you write it blesses me, stirs me, challenges me and blesses me.
Keep writing!!!!

Jackie said...

we haven't met, may I walk with you
and validate your pain. I hear God speaking to you..He's asking if you trust him..and you do, he is asking if you love him...and you do, remember after he asked Peter this 3 times...as he lead Peter so-he is leading you, take you time.

praying for you

Chris said...

God bless you and may the Holy Spirit bring you comfort, sweet one.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

My heart goes out to you, Paula. Keep writing. Your posts touch a lot of people.

Paula said...

This is beautiful Paula, and I've missed reading your posts. I do hope that the words come back soon and you post again. I fully understand and appreciate that sometimes the desire is just not there. It will come, and you will feel it and know it. As for your situation, I will pray for you. Thinking of you as I always do fellow Paula. Love P :)

Laura said...

Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking of you, Paula!

love to you...

Sharon said...

I said alittle prayer for you this morning my friend :)
Have a beautiful day

Angela said...

I'm glad you shared this...it blessed me greatly Sweet pea!!

Robin's New Song said...

God CAN and WILL do the impossible for those who believe. Never stop believing, no matter how the storm rages. "Peace, be still!" say's our Prince of Peace. Stay in the secret place of His presence, in the eye of the storm, and see Him work wonders for you!