It's me, SweetPea Paula. Have you missed me in these nineteen days? I drafted a post last week with pen and would still like to share it but it's not of the genre I usually share here and I'm not sure how it would be received or even if any real interest would exist. I know it's been forever and a day since I've posted. I've searched the Father and asked Him for words, for something to share from Him through me. Nothing has come to me. I've not really had the time...okay, that's not totally true. But, I've not have the emotional desire, seems to be the simplest and concise reasoning.
So, since I've not felt God provide a rabbit to pull out of my heart--nothing spoken to my heart spontaneously--I went to my drafts. Drafts of posts I've started when I feel the Spirit speaking a sentence, a phrase, a paragraph, and sometimes only a title to me. I found a piece where I had sent an email to a dear friend. I pasted it into my drafts thinking at some point I would use it and transform it into a full post.
Instead, I've decided to post it as is. Again, because either God is not giving me the words to change it or I'm not giving Him the opportunity to speak to my heart and change them for me. My heart needs a boost and has been lacking that boost for some time.
I pray this can minister to you "as is." The recipient's name has been omitted and replaced with L. I don't know when this was written but the Memorial Day weekend referenced is 2008. So, this is about a year old.
As I listen to the storm outside about to brew, I think of this storm of life you are painfully enduring. As Christians, I believe they are a part of our call in following God...storms, treacherous storms. My heart breaks for you and I have already lifted my petitions to the Father, the One and Only who can change this situation and transform your daughter's heart.
You are exactly right that it is only when WE let go, HE can begin to work. I believe it is at that point that we let go and we genuinely don't try to secretly crawl back up to the Cross and take it back. When we come to this point, as you stated you have, it is so liberating. That is exactly where the peace is.
Without sidetracking onto me, I indeed did experience this on Memorial Day weekend. As I type this I can see the "irony" of why my incident happened on that weekend, a weekend to remember the dead...for me, a time to release a dead relationship into the Hands of the Heavenly Father. I was totally freed. Ironically, it was through the very mean and so painful words of my beloved that I was able to say "I see, God. I understand now, God. You were waiting on me. I surrender. I let go." And indeed I have. I still have the emotional roller coaster. I still have the ups and downs. I still have the questions. I still have the wondering and waiting and what ifs. But there's something that is resting within my soul that says: "God's taking care of it. You just wait on Him."
Those are the words I give to you. God is taking care of it. You just wait on Him, L.
I too love the conversation you had with God. Doesn't it just change our whole perspective when we realize they are not ours...they are not our children, they are not our husbands, they are not our loved ones. Your God loves your daughter more than you ever could. What better Hands in which to trust her than the Precious Lord.
I'm sure the problems and issues with your daughter will not escape you immediately or soon. As it seems, many times, we must wait on the Lord. Often times, the problems with our loved ones is not just about them but also doing a work in us. The Lord will use this time not only to draw His daughter (your daughter) to Him but to also draw you (His daughter) even closer to Him and to prune you. Oh, the bitter sweet pruning of God. His pruning indeed is very painful but the end result is beautiful. Just as we prune our flowers and hate to see them be reduced to stubbles, in time, we see the bountiful beauty that blossoms.
I love you, my dear sweet friend.
Oh how I'm brought to tears reading this again. Selfishly, wishing, hoping, praying for that exhilarating feeling I had over a year ago after my revealing Memorial Day experience. That feeling of assurance. That feeling of calm. That feeling of peace. I remember how clear His voice was to me that day and in that revelation. What an awesome assurance to know clearly when we've heard the voice of the Almighty.
Unfortunately, I can say I still have those same ups and downs, roller coaster feelings and questions regarding this situation of my dead marriage. Still have the wondering, waiting, and what ifs. Still anxious of what's happening on the other side of my mountain, what God is doing, and how much longer until I get to see the view from the mountaintop...to see the result of His magnificent work waiting just on the other side of this painful mountain journey.
I do want to say that I hesitated and considered replacing the words "my beloved" with "another" to further protect. However, I feel it is important to know with whom the situation involved to show the huge gravity and thus making the revelation so much stronger. I do not include that reference to defame but for understanding. What I should've received as a devastating experience and negative conversation, God made into such a beautiful conversation with HIM. I have shared my own regretful amount of hurtful words so that statement in no way is of judgment.
My prayer for you is that this touches you in the depths of your spirit and in whatever situation you find yourself. May God's power be released in the midst of your storms as you release your storms to Him.
I'm no scientist but I've been told the eye of a storm is very calm. Can you imagine? Envision being there...the storm is brewing all around you, a terrible frightening tornado as we have in my parts, but the Lord is holding you in the eye of the storm. He is holding you ever so calm. His calmness radiates onto you. Chaos is all around you. The storm is devastating and destructive. Yet, it will not destroy you/me because we have the great Shelter from the storm. He does not say He will protect us from the effects of the storm but He will protect us from defeat and destruction. We may have downed power lines, houses destroyed, trees laying on cars, broken relationships, death, job losses, financial turmoil, but He won't let any of that defeat or destroy us.
As I read this post once more before publishing, I'm reflecting on that joyous feeling over a year ago. Praying for some of that calmness, assurance, and peace to return this beaten and weary soul still wondering what to do, what to think, what to feel about this hidden but hopeful joy over the mountain.
Releasing Unto Him,
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