His Ways...are not our ways

Restoration by Another Name

2010-04-06T12:04:00.007-04:00

Restoration
...something I've been talking about
...something I've been desiring for me and His glory
...something I've been asking from God
...something I've been believing of God
...something I've been proclaiming
...something I've been feeling conviction

Something...for almost three years. Three long years. To be exact, 2.8 years.

I knew the package in which it would be. I knew what it would look like. I knew what it would feel like. I knew the glory the King would receive. I knew the Power it would take to accomplish. I knew who would be restored. I knew; I just knew.

...or so I thought. I thought restoration was of my marriage. I thought God was going to restore beloved and me in our marriage. Restoration but any other means? What's that? Isn't there only one definition? Isn't there only one means and one package for it?

No. God has restored my soul and my heart. God has restored my heart to be full and to be full to the capacity He created in me.

He restored my soul to His during the three years. He restored my heart to full peace and joy that only He could provide. He has restored my hope in something greater than I thought He had already provided with Ephesians 3:20. He has restored my belief that I can find true happiness. He has restored my faith in love, pure and simple love.

It is possible. Love for a lifetime. Yes, just as He destined for man and woman. Love: an action verb, not an adjective or feeling. For a lifetime: that's forever, until death do us part (or Christ returns). It is possible. It is likely.

Restoration: viewed with His lenses and not my finite, restricted lenses. My driver's license says: restricted. For you see, I am restricted from driving without glasses or contacts. I had been viewing God's plan, His desire, His definition of restoration as though I was driving without my contacts. And as easy as it is to pop in my contacts, God literally popped into my heart and my eyes His view of restoration and what it looks like from His position.

Wow. Have you ever had vision problems and once those new glasses go on...boom. The world is opened to such a vibrant, crisp, colorful view. I remember when I was in sixth grade and my dad was insistent on taking me and my brother to the eye doctor. My dad being a lifetime military man, he took us to Ft. Knox, KY. Boy, that was a long trip. On the way down there, my dad kept quizzing us if we could read this sign or that sign. In my stubbornness I kept saying "yes!" (Imagine that with a 12-year old snotty know-it-all attitude.) We had our long wait, as expected on a military base, and finally had our exams. Yep, I needed glasses. However much time passed and then back to school for the first day. I usually sat somewhat in the back and I literally without a doubt believed that was "normal" sight. I mean, God didn't create us to see the chalk board in the back of the class room. It was normal. NOT. I put on the royal blue speckled glasses and boom. I could see the numbers in Geometry. For real? How is that possible. I had no idea that is how it is suppose to be. You mean my dad was right? My dad had more insight and intuition in what I needed. Yes. And though I 'saw' that I did need glasses and I could read the board from great distances, that was still not going to stop me from taking off my glasses between classes. No, I couldn't wear my glasses in the hall way where everyone would see me. Because, only those who turned around in class would see my glasses. And of courses, the teachers.

My dad knew better and insisted we get an eye exam. My Father knew better and showed me His way. My Father knew better and began to prepare and heal me. My Father knew better and opened my eyes literally at the fork in the road. So close to take a different road and He put my bff's words very heavy and seriously in my heart. In my heart, to transform it and on my heart, to show me the way.

I still sit in awe of what He has done and the way He's done this marvelous plan of His. Wow. I am so unworthy of His forgiveness, grace, and wisdom. But He's granted it anyway. He is worthy of my praise and worship. He is worthy of my gratitude. He is worthy of my indebtedness forever. He is worthy of me holding His gift so preciously in my hand and tending to the heart He has given me as though it is my very own heart.

Lord Jesus, You are so worthy. So worthy. Lord, thank You for this path. Thank You for Your infinite wisdom in knowing exactly what I needed and exactly when I needed it. You, Lord, are the Creator of awesomeness. I will live the rest of my life showing praise to You for the giftS You have given me. I will treasure the heart You have placed in my hands. Lord, You have exciting and awesome things in store, don't You?! You truly are the Father of impossibles and the Father of Ephesians 3:20...more than once. There is no limit, Lord, to how many times you can knock our socks off. No, no limit to Your power and grace. I'm so unworthy of Your redeeming love. You, Lord, have restored me and redeemed me.

Being Restored By Him,

© Copyright 2010. All rights reserved.

Picture is of my Azalea yesterday.

His: Fully and Completely, Forever

2010-02-02T00:00:00.011-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays for the last time as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 18: Forever

I cannot believe that I've been reading Lysa's awesome book for eighteen weeks. Eighteen. That's 1-8. Four and a half months. Wow. It's been a blessing for sure. Thanks to Lysa for her willingness to be real, open, and honest. But mostly, thanks to her for being obedient to God in writing this book. Fortunately, I won't be saying goodbye to Lysa nor this topic. I will be leading my ladies' small group in the Bible study that accompanies this book. We begin next week and I've been anticipating and excited since November when I found out she was writing a study.

Lysa's first sentence in this last chapter struck me. "It was one of the most beautiful marriage ceremonies I'd ever attended." In my heart of hearts, I thought, just like mine. Many people said mine was so beautiful and meaningful. I was told that there wasn't a dry eye in the church. We created our own ceremony and it was filled with God everywhere. We were both asked if we had committed our lives to Jesus Christ and then also had words of committed to Jesus throughout our marriage. That may sound very hypocritical considering the state of our union now: still united in God's eyes but not everything as God would desire at this point. My life as it is now, I can't focus on being a bride to a man but rather for this time I'm a bride to my Bridegroom Jesus alone.

I love what Lysa says here: "We were made for the greatest love story of them all. We were made to fall in love with Jesus." Those to me are such sweet words. We were made to fall in love with Jesus. And praise the Lord that I've done that. If I've done nothing else right in my life, I'm thankful that He led me to Himself. That He wooed me with His love. That He captivated my heart.

Stay with me as I process this. But Lysa touches on something that Beth Moore has been saying in her study, Esther. I'm going to try to formulate and process it as I write these words. Lysa shares how she had regrets and had not saved herself for her wedding day. She's not alone in that one, I'm positive. However, she's made peace with her past and realizes we cannot go back and change things. Oh how I'd love to change some of my past. To make right my wrongs. "My journey through life helped me grow a heart totally and purely devoted to Him." Beth says "we cannot amputate our history and fulfill our destiny." She is saying we can't be all that God wants us to be without our past, without our history, without our mistakes and regrets. I can hear Beth's sweet southern drawl (from her CDs) on this emphasis as she repeatedly says "are you hearin' me ladies? Are you gettin' this ladies?" Do we? Do we get what both of these ladies are saying? We can't be the person God is preparing us to be without the journey, without the history. We aren't going to be the person destined to be without journeying through life with our experiences, good and bad, in tote.

Now let's get back to this business of falling in love. Just like with any one and any relationship, love doesn't just happen. We don't just wake up saying "I love you" without putting action behind it. Relationships take time being invested, spent, and shared together. Jesus wants the same. "We will only fall in love when we draw close, deepened our understanding of Him, and seek to do life with Him." Seek to do life with Him.

Lysa momentarily touches on the imperfect heroes of faith. My mind immediately thought of David. I did the study, A Man After God's Heart, this past summer. I'm awed, yet blown away, yet fascinated that a man who could do such terrible things could also have this "title" placed upon him. A man who slept with another man's wife. A man who killed. A man who was deceptive. Yet. Yet, he was a man after God's own heart. To me there is no greater honor than to be called a man or woman after God's own heart. But David was a sinner. He had a past, a terrible past. He had ugliness in his history. That doesn't matter. Just like our pasts. They are what they are. We cannot dwell there but rather live today. Live today with Jesus. Life with Jesus.

The next subtitle Lysa has is Abandon. Oh how I don't like that word. It brings pain to my heart. It brings memories of the worst time in my heart. Is there anything more heartbreaking than to be abandoned. Whether it is from a parent, a friend, a spouse. I've experienced the latter two of those and I'd not wish that on anyone. Abandonment is worse than death. Worse than being separated by death is to be separated by abandonment. It is defined as "to leave completely, to forsake." Just that word makes my toes curl. To forsake someone. On the flip side, I know that no matter who else may forsake me in this life, Jesus will NEVER forsake me.

If we look at all sides of the word abandon, Lysa says it also plays a crucial role in every love story. Love? How can we associate such a negative word with such a joyous experience? Because it shows up in most all wedding vows. In sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful as long as you both shall live. "This forsaking all others is vital to a successful marriage...Leaving behind anything that would hinder the commitment." Wow. Those are very tough words to hear as I long for my failed marriage to be restored to a successful one, where all else is forsaken. If only these truths would have been made known and clear...

"Everything I have. Everything I own. Everything I hope for. Everything I fear. Everything I love. Everything I dream. It's all Yours, Jesus. I trust You in complete and utter abandon."

I abandon it all for the sake of the call.

Let's never be like the rich young ruler in Luke 18. "Instead of forsaking the trappings of this world, he chose to forsake the love his soul was made for."

Utterly surrendered to God's plans. That is exactly what I want to be. I want to do what causes God to pause: complete abandon to my will and utterly surrendered to Yours, God. Utterly surrendered. Utterly. Surrendered.

I can sometimes be goal oriented. Or at least I can set goals and set desires to complete certain things but I may not complete them as quickly as I'd desire. That gush of motivation gets beat down by life, laziness, and lack of motivation. Goals are all fine and well as long as they are kept in the right perspective and priority. "But when having a goal takes your focus off God and His daily intentions for you, it can cause trouble." Basically, when we are too busy focused on the future and on the things we've just got to complete, then we don't focus on today, the moment right now, or this second. Lord, may I always be open to your unfolding invitations.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

"Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means that we desire God's revelations in our life more than we desire our own carefully constructed plans."

Striving to say and be...Yours God.

Fully and Completely. Forever.

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post. I love comments.

Are Your Prayers Dangerous?

2010-01-26T00:00:00.001-05:00

Rain. Hairspray. Bangs. Rain. Spiritual vision speech. Frizz. Forgotten notes. More rain. Where was the Lord? He showed up in the umbrella He provided after Lysa got "wet, frustrated, and come face-to-face with something pretty ugly in my heart."

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Ch 17 Praying the Dangerous Prayers

God is so much more concerned with our heart and our character, than He ever is with our circumstances. So if there's something ugly brewing in there, He's gonna do what it takes for us to address it.

"I realized that most times it's not the big things along my spiritual journey that tempt me to get off track. It's a culmination of small daily aggravations I know God could fix but doesn't." [my emphasis] That's a point of contention for me also. Big and small, the things God can fix but chooses not to fix. Even the things that are godly and would bring Him glory. Sometimes that's very, very hard when it's a big thing very close to our hearts...at least for me. And I've felt satan using that against me. Trying to make me focus on God not fixing things instead of focusing on what God does for me and Who God is to me.

"But what if instead of seeing these aggravations as inconveniences, I saw them as reminders to draw near to God?" What a wonderful perspective and outlook of these seemingly purposeless aggravations.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

And when we draw near to God, He'll speak to us. He'll wave over our minds that we'd never consider without Him during these times of drawing close to God. Sometimes when we draw near to God though, it's more about us being heard and not God being heard as we listen. It's so easy to center our prayers on ways we want God to bless us. Safety, health, ministry, home, finances, kids, food. Those are not bad prayers but maybe slightly flawed. "They set my expectations of God to be what I want without taking into consideration the possibility of God's bigger plan." Oh the things He can do when we have poor health, unsafe surroundings, lack of food, troubled kids, miserable finances. He can do things far greater than if we already had an A+ in all those areas. If we have all those things, then why would we need Him. From where would we draw our strength and wisdom?

I'm so terribly guilty of this and of not focusing on His bigger picture. In our small-perspective minds we can't fathom God's big plans; we can't envision the vastness of His plans. So we settle to what we can see and what we want. "I make God into One who stunts my growth with convenience and comfort rather than One who grows me into a woman of character, perseverance, and maturity." Did you get that? With our perspective WE make God to be One who stunts our growth. Yes, by having such a small vision, we stunt our own growth of what we can be if we just get out of our box and our comfort zone. And...take God out of the box we can put Him in.

"We want the promises but...not the dirt under our fingernails.
We want comfortable circumstances but...not transformation changes.
We want the gifts but...do we want the Giver more?"

We don't even come close to touching the promises of Jesus.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7

Lysa quotes Nancy Guthrie from her article, "Prayers That Move the Heart of God." "There's so much to want--healed bodies, restored relationships, changed circumstances. But asking, seeking, and knocking aren't secret formulas for getting what we want from God; they're ways to get more of God. As I listen to God speak to me through His Word, He gives me more of Himself in fuller, newer ways. Then if healing doesn't come, if the relationship remains broken, or if the pressures increase, I have the opportunity to discover for myself He is enough. His presence is enough. His purpose is enough."

Wow. That's hard. That convicts me because I'm not satisfied with relationships not being restored. I must need a lot more growing because my heart hasn't seen the "opportunity" in this yet. Have I seen some benefits and growth? Yes. But full benefit to view it as an opportunity by remaining unrestored? No.

Nancy changed her prayers to be more about getting to know God rather than getting what she wants from God. Then, she began experiencing God in deeper ways than ever.

Lysa suggests we go deeper by praying dangerous prayers. "Why do we pray? To get things, or get God?" Which is the focus of our prayers?

Lysa is focusing on three things:
♥ aligning my heart with God's heart;
♥ escaping from my own selfish perspective of life;
♥ and listening, really listening, to God.

Like Lysa, I too, want my prayers to be more about hearing God than talking to God. I want God to be the One whispering to me. "Power enters our prayers...by listening for even the slightest whisper from the One who is all-powerful."

The beauty of dangerous prayers is "inviting the divine presence into otherwise mundane moments. They are dangerous [prayers] because they will not leave us unchanged--and most of us consider change right down frightening."

Lysa's dangerous prayers:
♥ God inconvenience me to be constantly reminded to draw near to You.
♥ Interrupt me, Lord.
♥ Shake things up in me, Lord.
♥ Reveal what's in me that's not of You, Lord.
♥ And, Lord more than anything, I want more of You.

"You may hear nothing at first. The silence may be deafening, frustrating, slightly disappointing. But don't stop sitting with God. At some point when God is the deepest desire of your heart, you will hear Him." [my emphasis]

Lord, Draw my heart out of the chaos and into the sweet stillness of Your presence.

"Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:12-14

Oh how I love to see those verses quoted, especially 12-13. Those that I call living in the shadow of the well-known Jeremiah 29:11. He will be found. He is not hiding from us. He is listening. He is not turning a deaf ear to us. Come, come to Me. With all your heart. All your heart.

Live more expectantly of experiencing God.

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post. I love comments.

Wanting to Experience God More,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Picture is of my wall decal in my chocolatey living room.
Are you craving chocolate now? I bet you are.

Looking For and Finding God

2010-01-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Ch 16 Finding God in Unlikely Places

Lysa entices us at the beginning of the chapter with a story about clippity-clap shoes, publishers, and chocolate-covered strawberries. Again, just showing how real, down-to-earth, and authentic she is.

I just turned to the third page only to stop and stare at the heading "Seeing the Good in Hard Things." Seeing the good. That means there is good in the hard things but do we see it. Honestly, for me the pain and difficulty can easily cover and diminish the good. It's there; we/I just have to intently and purposefully look for it and choose to see it.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-28

He doesn't work things for our happiness or our timing but for our good. It's really a matter of trust. Do we trust the good He chooses? If we trust Him, then the happiness and timing should be of no concern. We know He works for our good. We must trust Him and we'll trust the good He has planned.

Hindsight is 20/20. We can see "now" why we had to go through the pain, rejection, and difficulty. We see the purpose in the pain. Many times we can interpret delays as punishment or discipline from God as though we were undeserving of the calling earlier. Rather, it is "His way of preparing [us] for it." Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:10

"God used that preparation time to teach me how to be passionate about following only His plans."

"Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means waiting for God's timing, waiting for the good He is working in us. And when we're ready to move forward, becoming a good Bible study girl means remembering to help those coming along just behind us. This ensures that our calling is not just about us."

Lysa shares how she discovered a conference notebook left in the bathroom stall at a convention. She wrote in the notebook before turning it into 'lost and found'. The owner of the notebook, Tracey, was blown away that of 1500 women and hundreds of bathroom stalls, both her and Lysa's paths crossed in divine ways. The entire encounter was solely supernatural by God. Lysa's comment in the notebook was the confirmation Tracey needed with a concern heavy on her for several months.

"The more we follow Jesus, the more we fall in love with Him, want to obey Him, experience life with Him, and become a beacon of light to others through Him."

Like Lysa says, I am one of those many people thinking God's plan will come in one lump assignment, one that is so obvious to me. But she believes "that discovering our purpose will unfold slowly like a seed planted deep in the ground." Just like the seed, our purpose "is revealed through embracing each and every circumstance God brought its way." Read that again. Embracing. Each. Every. God. Brought. Our way. He's allowed it; let's embrace it. It's a tough request but one we must do to completely fulfill His plan.

We shouldn't settle for less than what God has for us. And if we are truly trusting God, we will accept and desire His way, knowing it's the best.

Obedient to His Word.
In tune to His Voice.

God doesn't ask us to do great things but just to be greatly devoted to Him.

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post.

Looking,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Sensing Him; Seeing Him

2010-01-12T00:00:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 15 A Glorious Sense of Possibility

Lysa begins by sharing an experience of delays in her flight to a speaking engagement. Upon several encounters the finally made another flight. Helped by a stranger. Void of any more delays. Many things that to the human eye can appear as coincidence or good luck. But Lysa saw much more.

For me personally, I don’t see anything as coincidence but rather Godincidences. A word I thought I created a couple years ago until I saw it used by someone a few months ago.

The word seek can be found numerous times in the Word. One of my favorites is one usually overlooked by its close neighbor, Jeremiah 29:11. You will seek Me and find me when you seek Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13 “To see God means to actively look for Him and anticipate His activity in everything.” [my emphasis] To anticipate means to expect, believe, know that God is working in all areas of our lives.

If Lysa could give every woman only one gift it would be “to glimpse God throughout their days—the miraculous mixed with the mundane. This would radically change the way we think, the way we process, and certainly the degree to which we trust God.” The possibility of seeing God. The evidence of His activity. Knowing God without any evidence is an awesome gift. But to see evidence of His activity in our lives is superb. It is the whip cream and cherry on our delicious hot fudge sundae.

A fellow speaker of Proverbs 31 and friend of Lysa’s, Whitney Capps, had a forty foot pole-climb experience that went much further than a physical exertion. As she stopped just 12 inches from the top and tempted to give up, she determined to continue. She did but then fell. Whitney learned that she has little spiritual stamina and stops short of a full-on devotion to God. How many times do we all do that? We set out with a new devotional reading plan, a new Bible study, a new routine with God, and a few weeks into it something happens. The discipline is broken and we fall back into a disrupted devotion.

Whitney goes on to say “I’m not disappointed that I fell in the last second. I’m glad that I didn’t believe the lies that ‘close was close enough.’ The difference between emotion and devotion may only be a few inches, but the view is dramatically different. Emotion can get you near the top, but that’s about it. Only devotion lets you experience a view so grand it takes your breath away.” Lysa questions why we aren’t more “compelled, convinced, and concerned with pursuing God more wholeheartedly.” That word always perks my ears as I’ve been asking for several months for a wholehearted devotion and an undivided heart.

Has God’s commands-->Obeys them-->Love Jesus-->Loved by God-->Loved by Jesus-->Sees Jesus.
Our personal road map. Atlas. Mapquest. McNally.

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him. John 14:21

Whoever = everybody. Regardless of church attendance. Regardless of Bible knowledge. Regardless of past actions.

Has my commands and obeys them. His commands are in His Word. The greatest command being to love God with all we have. Heart. Soul. Mind. Strength. The second being to love others. (Mark 12:30-31) If we have a wholehearted devotion to God, filled with loving Him and others, it’s hard to lie, steal, cheat, hurt, etc.

He is the one who loves me. Who is he? Who is this person? The one who has God’s commands and obeys them. There is a direct relationship between our obedience and love. Our obedience is an act that shows our love for God. God wants to be loved. The One who is love. The One who loves. Yet, He still wants to be loved. He desires our love. He desires my love.

He who loves me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love him and show Myself to him. This is not a possibility but reality. It doesn’t say I might love you and I might show Myself. There’s no possible in it. I will love you and show Myself to you. If we obey Him, it will show our love for Him. If we love Him, we will obey Him. It’s not out of obligation but out of desire. Yes, a desire to obey God unlike a child obeying a parent out of obligation or even fear. Our love for God will compel us to obey Him.

Do you “dare to believe that Jesus would love to show Himself to you? Wouldn’t it make your soul come alive like never before to see evidence of His presence constantly and consistently all around you?” [my emphasis]

Lysa says “I can hardly go through anything in life without seeing God’s hand in it.” My mind is meditating on that. I know God’s hand is on my life and every area. However, I struggle with seeing His hand in certain situations. I can’t see what He’s doing in that conversation, in that relationship, in that emotional low. Yet I know He is, though I don’t see the details of His work. Maybe that’s it. Maybe me being such a detail-oriented person I’m looking for details and He doesn’t want me to focus that small? But then the supposed ‘happenstances’ and the ‘coincidences’--the Godincidences--of life are detailed. TMI…too much information on my complex mind for my precious readers.

Lysa hits the nail on the head with “what if an experience I attribute to God isn’t from Him at all?” That is so me. Sometimes it can be so gray in discerning His hand, satan’s scheme, or my flesh.

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.1 Corinthians 2:9-10

“If only you will open up your heart to the possibilities for Him to use everyday things to change you, grow you, strengthen you, and remind you of His amazing love…You will start to see Him. You will start to hear Him. You will get to know Him more deeply. And you will want to follow Him more boldly. And what a glorious sense of possibility that is!”

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post.

Sensing Possibilities,

"I Like Me"

2010-01-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 14 Learning to Simply Like Me

As I read that title I thought 'Oh no! Yeah right!' Let's say I don't have a surplus of self-esteem and liking myself. But I do have more self-esteem than I've probably ever had in 35 years.

Lysa spoke of the unique spelling of her name and what comes with that. My niece's name is Maya so we know too well how hard it is to find things with that spelling. Lysa is such a hoot; one of the reasons I adore her so much. "I had a bubble lettered homemade sign on my knock-off Huffy. Nothing speaks cool like an index card surrounded by duct tap flapping in the breeze as you blaze the trails of childhood." I know about homemade, hand-me-down, make-it-your-own, kind of childhood. We weren't living in plenty either.

I dido exactly what Lysa says here: "I have had to learn to appreciate my own uniqueness and, over time, have grown to like myself." Faults and flaws...God can make them florish.

Lysa shares the counter sides of Matthew 22:39 and Matthew 16:24-26. The debate of whether we should love ourselves. Instead we should learn "how to make peace with who we are so that feelings of insecurity don't become a distraction to living our faith out loud." A distraction. Not liking who we are can actually distract us from the main thing: living the Gospel and spreading the Gospel.

Have you ever gotten a necklace tangled up so bad it takes forever to fix? That's exactly what the self-distracting thoughts do to our hearts: Entangle. Entanglements of self-distracting thoughts.

Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. Hebrews 12:1

That means we are to throw off the thoughts of ourselves that distract, hinder, and entangle. How? Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:2

Our eyes can't be fixed on ourselves and Jesus both. "Many of us spend years trying to hide or fix what we perceive as personal flaws." [my emphasis] Ahem. Perceive. Oh, how much of me I have perceived as flaws of mine. I still do. Super sensitive. Inquisitive. Very Curious. Just a few that come to mind.

Lysa tells us to think of things less appealing in us and how Jesus can use those for our good. I'm still baffled how He can use my curiosity and inquisitiveness. Yes, I gain knowledge (assuming my questions get answered) but how much does it bother those on whom I impose questions? Do others see it as me being interested or as a bother? I'm just talking this out but I know that I don't need to know how He will use my less appealing qualities but just know He will.

"Jesus would love for us to see ourselves as a package deal of unique qualities that He saw as necessary for the life He's calling us to live." A package deal you say? Necessary. My flaws and less appealing qualities are necessary for His calling on my life. Really? Hmm...seems I'd be better off without my irritating, damaging, inflicting flaws. But God knows best. He works it all out for our good and His glory. (Romans 8:28)

In addition to our self-distracting thoughts, we need to avoid past distractions. That is, those hurts, struggles, and trials from our past that distract, entangle, and hinder us.

Lysa's abortion early in life was one such thing for her. This statement is rolling around my mind regarding my own life mess ups. "Up until that point [abortion], the things that brought hurt in my life were caused by others. But the abortion was a choice I made myself." There is such a sense of guilt when we inflict pain by our choices, even those we don't even realize we are making. Revisiting the past pain, guilt, and regret is like continually banging our head on the wall. "We can't move forward with God when our past keeps pulling us down."

I leave you with the closing remarks of this chapter in full because it's so good. It's like an equation in my analytical, logical, mathematical mind.

"The more we see our life's purpose unfold,
the more we'll be secure in the person God created us to be.

The more we become secure in the person God has created us to be,
the more we'll be able to make peace with liking who we are.

The more we make peace with liking who we are,
the more we will be able to untangle self-distracting thoughts.

The less entangled we are,
the more effective we'll be for Christ.

And we'll start to see how we are
becoming more than just a good Bible study girl."

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post.

Trying to Simply Like Me,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

What To Do

2009-12-29T00:00:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 13 What Do I Do When I Don't Feel God?

"Alone, misguided thoughts seem benign. But piled on top of one another, they clog up everything...I need to let God peel away the layers of untrue thoughts...move past wishful thinking for a deeper walk with God to the real thing."

What does the word "chosen" bring to mind? Years ago, school years and adult years, it would have reminded me how I'm never chosen, never picked for the gym activity, never picked as the friend, never picked for the recognition, never picked for the job, never picked to be the girlfriend.

Now, I think of God and His chosen ones. I think of how I am one of those chosen. It's not instant nor come natural to believe: He gives individual attention; He pauses to spend time with me; He sees me as unique. But in this journey of faith, I can stand tall knowing and saying confidently I AM chosen by God Almighty. Though I don't really know why...going back to that not-chosen, not-picked mentality, that says there's nothing worthy of choosing.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 I find it no coincidence that this was also the verse of the day on air1.com for Monday, the day I typed this.

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. John 15:19

In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will. Ephesians 1:11

Chosen. Picked. Specifically. Purposefully.

Since love is not a feeling, we don't have to feel love to love someone. Therefore, love exists regardless of our feelings. "God never meant for us to feel our way to Him." We are to love our way to Him.

I would guess that everyone in their Christian walk would say they felt God distant or not there at least once, if not more, in their walk. The key to that fallible thought is feel, feeling. "When I process life through my feelings, I am left deceived and disillusioned. When I process life through God's truth, I am divinely comforted by His love and made confident in His calling on my life."

How many times have we also said we don't feel close to God? Again, God is always close to us, as close as a whisper, as close as a breath. Lysa says instead "God is close, and if I choose to be close back, He'll rearrange my feelings."

Rearrange me, Lord. Rearrange my feelings, Lord.

I've read many books on the subject of love and the resounding truth is this: we must choose to love and the feelings will follow. Upon God's disclosure of this truth, I can no longer accept the excuse from others or from myself that "I don't love him; He doesn't love her." We DO love and then we feel love. Period. It's a command to love. There is no choice. We can't say I don't have love feelings for her. I don't feel love for her. We just do it. This applies to our relationship with God also. We must purposefully choose to love God and be close to Him and the heart will follow with the feelings of love and closeness.

Make a choice despite the feelings.

Lysa shares her journey of how she began running little bits at a time until it developed into a desire and habit. But running is still a choice she has to make every day even when the desire to stay in bed is strong. Her friend chuckled upon hearing this because she thought it had become effortless. Though some days are easier than others, none are effortless. The same is true for our relationship with Christ (and other humans for that matter). Some days are easier than others to make the time to spend with God. But every day takes effort and an intentional choice to make time amongst the busyness.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple. Psalm 27:4

Pause. Wait. Dwell. Seek.

No time with God should ever be counted as loss. "If we make the choice to ask for God's revelation and help, He will not leave us empty-handed or empty-hearted."

Teach me Your way, O Lord, and I will walk inYour truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name. Psalm 86:11

Since finishing Beth Moore's study, A Heart Like His, several weeks ago, I have been praying for an undivided heart and a wholehearted devotion.

"It's making the choice to recognize God is close."

Admitting: He Can Hurt My Feelings

2009-12-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 12: When God Hurts My Feelings

Hmmm...was my first thought upon reading this chapter's title. Because one of my flaws is being super sensitive...a curse and a blessing. Lysa says it best. "I don't know another way to say this, so I'll just shoot straight. Sometimes God hurts my feelings. Now, hear me out. I don't mean this in an irreverent way. I very much know my place, and I very much have a holy reverence for God. But tiptoeing around my gut reactions and pretending to be just fine-fine-fine with everything that comes my way doesn't pave an authentic connection between my heart and God's." God already knows our thoughts so He already know our feelings are hurt...hurt by Him. Admitting it begins healing and freedom.

I'm very bold in nature. Again, a blessing and a hurdle. Sometimes I am too bold and it takes discernment when to hold back and just zip it. Zip it shut and nip it. Nip it in the bud. "It's just that the bolder I am with pouring out my heart to Him, the bolder He is with His responses to me." So, I don't have to hold back my boldness with God. Like Lysa, I want God to be bold to help me discern between His voice speaking to me and my own. Much of my turmoil is not knowing when He is speaking and when it's simply me, especially in those desires that can be godly. God's boldness can enable us to look at things from His point of view.

When the painful situation of rejection and disappointment from losing a project turned into full-blown bitterness, Lysa went to God with her anger in boldness and she received the same in return. Not anger, but boldness.

Misperceptions. Sin-clouded views. Stubborn refusal.

"He addressed my misperceptions about the situation by helping me to see it from another perspective." It is so easy to do and we must remember God makes good out of bad. We never know when He is doing a work in the other person and not just us. He can make up for any loss.

"He helped me to see how sin clouded my view and that I was refusing to acknowledge my part." Sin...anger, bitterness, self-absorption. Often our view is clouded by what we think we deserve and what we think is "ours" whether it be opportunities or rights. The "mine" mentality.

"He showed me my stubbornness and my refusal to extend grace in my effort to prove I was right." Ouch. We want to be right. We want to see justice and fairness. Our flesh has this nasty temptation to want those who've hurt us to feel the same hurt. Maybe it's really a cry for our hurt to be acknowledged and understood by the "offender" inflicting the pain. But it's not our place to judge and withhold forgiveness or grace. What if God withheld forgiveness? Oh wait, He does if we withhold forgiveness. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25 [my emphasis]

Hurting people hurt people.

Every hurt is an opportunity to grow. A lesson to be learned. A step to be strengthened. Our character to be shaped in Christ's likeness. Sometimes "the hurt comes in the form of a loss that cuts into your heart so viciously it forever redefines who you are and how you think." Lysa calls it deep grief "that strains against everything you've believed. So much so you wonder how the promises that seemed so real on those thin Bible pages yesterday could ever possibly stand up under the weight of your enormous sadness today." I couldn't have said it better. The weight does seem so enormous, too enormous even for our Mighty God to lift. Lysa later says "It's understandable, really. We are told from an early age that God can do anything, and we've read the stories about Jesus helping people. But how do we process such beliefs in the face of loss?...the loss of any kind hurts."

Processing this really is supernatural and takes the power of the Holy Spirit within us. There's no other way to wrap our minds around a God who can do anything but not save our loss. As Lysa says, it really is a matter of not focusing on the why. It is a natural reaction of our heart and mind to ask why. The danger is letting those questions manifest anger in us and push us away from God. "Trying to come to grips with the fact that God could have prevented this grief but didn't is a bit like trying to catch the wind and turn it into something visible."

I never thought about it but listen to what Lysa says here. "If God gave us His reason why, we would judge Him. And His reasons, from our limited perspective, would always fall short. That's because our flat human perceptions simply can't process God's multidimensional, eternal reasons." Isn't that true? He could give us a reason but would that satisfy us or would it just cause us to ask "but why?" Can't You, Lord, fulfill Your plan in another? Yes, His reasons would fall short because we would always find a reason to do it differently or another way He could fulfill it.

I find it no coincidence that after discussing deep grief, inability to understand, and questions of why, that Lysa quotes the verse of my blog. The verse I try to claim, as in try to focus on my life being in His hands and being done in His ways and not mine. I do not have the mind of God nor the understanding of God. But I must trust His ways to truly be so much better than what my small, lateral mind can fathom. Trust me, it's a daily reminder because I can see my plan working well and bringing God glory. For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

His scope is wider. His thoughts are more complete. "He is more capable of accurately discerning what is best in every circumstance." I need to tape that to my forehead. It's not at all that I don't believe it but rather I know He doesn't infringe upon our free will. So, is His best occurring in my life if He's not able to have free reign and able to give me His best because He won't infringe upon the free will of others? His character won't invade free will.

Asking why to our deep grief can still make us feel God had made an awful mistake. So Lysa suggests we instead ask what. "Now that this has happened, what am I supposed to do with it?" [my emphasis]

"Good can come from any loss if we make the choice not to resist the birthing process required to bring this good to life." And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Every loss takes time. Time to see the good, even if only morsels at first. "It takes being caught off guard when you catch yourself smiling, only to realize it's okay." It's easy for me to make funnies because it's who I am and I desire to make others laugh (including myself). But when that laugh comes from deep inside and brings a sense of peace and joy, even for that moment, that is what catches me off guard. In addition to time, it takes prayer and "making the decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective." Hmmm.

This chapter has really hit me in some good places...in some places of pondering. It's reinforced and shown me to:
♥ always trust God's plan
♥ be on guard for unforgiveness
♥ be bold in my pain to God

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post.

Seeking the Good, Releasing the Hurt,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Get Your Groove On

2009-12-15T10:00:00.006-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 11: How Jesus Helps Me Get My Groove Back

"It's ironic that when we set out to help others, we are often the ones who receive the greatest gift." I can't help but to think it's no coincidence nor ironic but rather how God designed it. If you will, the 'reward' for giving is to be blessed in return.

That is exactly what happened to Lysa when she and other Proverbs 31 gals went to Ecuador. She visited a woman who has five children with her husband living in a dark cavern called home with a kitchen, bedroom, dirt floors, rock walls, fire pit, two cots, and cardboard box-repaired-ceilings. When Lysa asked how to pray for her, she said for her husband to know Jesus, him to find work, and her to have strength to care for her family. She did not ask for her circumstance to be changed but rather "simply for God's provision in the midst of her circumstances." Like Lysa, when we set out to give, we get.

There's nothing more likely to humble us over our petty complaining than such a visit and encounter. However, life happens and the effect of the experience fades. Lysa entered an emotional funk, asking "God to please interrupt my feelings with His truth." That's genius. I love that request. Interrupt my feelings, Lord and shed Your truth on me. And God did just that for Lysa with a one-word answer: thanksgiving. Lysa began listing the things that brought thanks "and the more I verbalized what I was thankful for, the less cloudy my heart felt." The most basic things, for which we should be so grateful, are the very things we so easily take for granted. Running water. Electricity. Laundry. Car for easy transport. Money for groceries. Refrigerator to store food. Messes. Constant Interruptions. The very basic let alone the luxuries. Cell phones. Computers. Televisions. Abundance of clothes. To mention only a few. And at the end of it we should always find: thanksgiving.

"Thanksgiving is the very way Jesus helps us get our groove back."

Praising will defeat our uglies and thanking will defeat our bad attitudes. "The uglies cause us to lash out; an attitude funk causes us to shut down." As if that weren't enough... "Bad attitudes breed bad attitudes. Grumpy hearts breed more grumpy hearts. Ungratefulness breeds ungratefulness." The opposite can be true also. Good things will breed more good. So praising God breeds more praising. The more we praise the more we find for which to give God praise. The more we thank God the more we recognize to be thankful. "And a person who daily practices both praising and thanking has a rare joy that very few people posses."

"A person whose life is characterized by constant praise and thanksgiving despite their circumstances will shift from just verbalizing their praise and thanksgiving to living it out loud through their courageous stance for Christ."

When reading that quote, I think of Paul who lived contently in prison or Job who had everything taken. But it is also an illustration of the lives of Peter and John. In the book of Acts, they healed the crippled beggar, who went to the temple daily begging for help. Pleading. He wasn't given a second look or thought by passersby. Upon seeing Peter and John, he asked them for money. They looked straight at him and Peter said "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Acts 3:6 And indeed he did walk. He jumped to his feet. Can you imagine? I admit if I saw this today, I'd be filled with doubt. My analytical, logical mind would want it explained. Furthermore, if the person to tell me that it was by the power of Jesus, I'd about even more. Not that I doubt Jesus' power but the world today is filled with many prophesying to have such power like B*nny H*nn. Why can't I believe He heals by men today yet I have no doubt that Peter and John healed in Jesus' name. The onlookers at this time were shocked, astonished, and surprised. Peter and John clearly stated it was not by their own power that this man walked.

Isn't it amazing that despite the strong opposition and subsequent jailing, many believed . 5000 many. God was still sitting in His glory. He was not defeated by the nay-sayers and doubters. "When they [rulers and elders] saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Acts 4:13 [emphasis added]

Wow. It was so apparent to others, to doubters, that they had been with Jesus. Can others tell I've been with Jesus? Is Jesus overflowing out of me so others can see Him and feel Him during my ordinary day? "We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard." Acts 4:20 They could not help but share Jesus. Is that my attitude or am I concerned with the fear? With being frustrated and grumpy? With my own daily routine?

I believe the Lord to be One filled with much grace, understanding an attitude of thanksgiving and praise is not born over night. Remember, where Peter was at one time...he denied knowing Christ. "They were inconvenienced and threatened in ways I can't even fathom. And yet their response was to boldly proclaim from their praise-filled, thankful hearts...It was the overflow of their lives and it became the routine of their lives." [emphasis added]

That routine overflow is how Jesus helps us get our groove back. Groove is defined as 'a fixed routine.'

"What is the fixed routine or natural inclination of our heart? Is it thanksgiving and praise as we see and count the blessings of our life? Or is it grumbling and complaining because we see our blessings as constant burdens to bear?"

I very much dido what Lysa says. "How I long to be like the apostles who were so consumed with thanksgiving that people took note they'd been with Jesus." [my emphasis]

♥ Overflowing evidence
♥ Intentionally verbalize
♥ Practice thanksgiving
♥ Live it out loud
♥ Breeds more thanksgiving
♥ Natural groove of our heart

If you have more to share on your blog, please use MckLinky below to hook up. I would greatly welcome any comments even if you are not doing the study. You don't have to be reading this book to share your wisdom and insight to this post.

Getting My Groove On,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Power of Praise in the Uglies

2009-12-08T00:01:00.006-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter 10 When My Ugly Comes Out

Lysa is all about everyday struggles. She is so real and experiences the same basic daily struggles as us. What happens to you when you discover every piece of laundry has red splotches from lipstick? Lysa admits what happens to her...tenderly referenced as her uglies. "Suddenly you'd never know I have been to church the past five Sundays in a row. My flesh just rises up, ushers my good Bible study self right out of the laundry room, and strips from my mind ever verse on patience I've ever memorized. I default to acting like a crazy woman. Crazy, I tell you. It's the kind of crazy that makes me awake at night and vow to do better. But then it happens again, and the shame, guilt, and feelings of yuck make me pull back from God and deem myself a failure."

When life gets messy, real messy, too messy, we can get ugly. Lysa is woman enough to admit it. So after life got messy, inconvenient, ill-timed and ill-tempered, Lysa turned to the real help she wanted. Jesus. And prayed. "Block me from acting how I feel like acting, and show me how to diffuse my frustration and anger." I love this because I so needed this in past times of extreme frustration and anger that caused the ugliest of uglies to be revealed, regrettably revealed.

After her prayer, Lysa received an email asking for prayer for the family of a fellow author and blogger who lost her battle with cancer. This stirred many thoughts in Lysa as it would all of us as we recognize the fragility of life and the importance of what transpires between the dashes (birth and death).

Lysa was blessed in making the connection between her spoken prayer and God's direct answer to it. "I suddenly realized that God is always present, always aware, always available, and always actively participating in our lives if only we'll make the choice to see Him--really see Him." That is awesome. I love that statement, don't you?!

An excellent example to follow in our ugly moments is from Psalm 103:1-5. Praise the Lord as He: Forgives us. Heals us. Redeems us. Loves us. Satisfies us. Strengthens us.

God probably couldn't feel further away from all of us than when our ugly appears. However, it's not that He left us at all but rather we've left Him; we've left His commands. Even in that, we are still not left without His grace. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:16 We should run after Him, seeking and receiving His mercy and grace to aid us and our uglies. We don't run to Him after we've corrected our ugly moment but rather in that moment so He can correct us, cleanse us, help us, and love us.

Lysa says it best, and sweetly. "Grace is the sugar that helps the bitter pills of confession and repentance go down without choking." Bitter and BIG pills. Though repentance is freeing it is still very bitter and big. It's very difficult to realize not that we've just done wrong but that we've done wrong against God Almighty.

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a hundred times: praise, praise, praise. There is power, purpose, and presence in praise. His power is released in praise. His presence is clear in praise. His purpose is revealed in praise. Lysa shares three life-changing words: "Praise the Lord" or in the world of texting and abbreviations that would be PTL. "Praise is the key that releases God's character back into even the ugliest of attitudes and darkest of situations."

Praise --> His Presence --> Fruit of His character.
God inhabits the praises of His people. (paraphrased from Psalm 22:3 KJV)

Lysa points out the obvious, we don't feel like or even want to praise God in our ugly moments. But just as we don't feel like saying no to that double-chocolate-fudgy-nut-caramel-cake, we have to make a conscious effort to resist it. We must also make a choice to praise.

Gratitude and praise are not the same. We need not be grateful for the bad circumstances but rather praise God for being in the midst of them. Despite the cancer, the financial troubles, the job loss, or the deteriorating home, we praise God for His sovereignty, His control, His provision.

I admit I operate much in my feelings and emotions. I am an extremely sensitive person, too sensitive unfortunately. It's like a double-edged sword or better yet a rose bush with thorns. There is good and bad to being a sensitive soul. Like Lysa says, "when we choose to operate in the sovereignty of God, we are choosing to operate in the power and authority of God." There is no greater place to be. NONE! We will never live with more power and authority than when we live in His sovereignty. No position, no amount of money, no status, will ever give us this kind of power and authority.

We must make praise a discipline, practicing it over and over, forming it into a natural habit.

Lysa suggest five areas which can make us susceptible to ugly situations and the uglies just spewing out of us. Not enough sleep, not enough time, not enough boundaries, too much sin, not enough fun events.

We should ask:
Am I overly tired?
Am I overly committed?
Have I compromised some of my healthy boundaries lately?
Is there sin in my life I'm avoiding?
Do I have things on my calendar to look forward to?

If you have more to share on your blog, please sign up using MckLinky below.

Praising Through the Uglies,

Words: Life or Death

2009-12-01T00:00:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter Nine "Corss My Heart and Close My Mouth"

Lysa shares that during the last few steps of childhood she had a secret. One she desperately wanted to share with Sally. Yet, she wondered if it would come back to bite her in the butt more or less. Sally proved faithful and trustworthy as she never shared Lysa's secret of her crush on...a...boy.

I've learned to be very cautious in what I share because I do fear that my words would be used against me as they have in the past.

"A friend who guards her words is a gift."

Trust. Loyalty. Secrets kept. Secret not shared.

Words. Spoken by a friend.
Lift up. Encouraged to achieve.
Tear down. Rendered powerless.

Lysa admits this to be one of the most challenging issues when becoming more than a good Bible study girl. It is this exact topic that is such an important lesson Jesus teaches us. A new command I give you: love one another. As I loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35

No choice. No option. A command. Not a little. Not some. Not when I want. Love as I have loved. And He loved to the Cross.

"For others to meet the reality of Jesus in our lives, we must be women of carefully chosen words. What comes out of our mouths is a tell tale sign of who we are, who we serve, and what we truly believe." Wow...that makes me really consider my every word, every gesture, every action.

So what does this mean? What does it require of us? A conviction in our heart and a denial of temptation in our teeth. Lysa shares it requires us to:
♥ Refuse to gossip
♥ Choose not to judge
♥ Be secure in our unique calling

REFUSE TO GOSSIP
Lysa wrote of how her friend, Holly, gave her a priceless gift. "She committed to me that she would never say anything dishonoring about me. It was more than just a commitment to me; it was a covenant promise she'd made with God." This verbalized commitment led the way to build a "beautiful trust rare between women." And if you have this trust with any female friends, hang onto it with dear life never letting it go.

"Gossip. Hurtful. Careless. Alluring. Easy to slip into. Hard to walk away from."

"If we just assume we won't be tempted to gossip, we are fooling ourselves and potentially setting ourselves up for trouble." The Bible teaches us many things about our words. James speaks a lot about our words including the infamous passage about our tongues in James 3. Lysa says three crucial rules taught in the Bible are put to action when we "verbalize to a friend that she can trust we will never betray her."

1~ Guard your tongue to keep out of trouble. (Proverbs 21:23)
2~ Limit your words to be wise. (Proverbs 10:19)
3~ Use your words to validate your relationship with the Lord, not negate it.
"I've found that the fewer the words I speak, the more intentional I can be with the words I do say."

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26

"If we don't keep a keen watch on our words, we appear like hypocrites whose Jesus does not work." Ouch is right.

Uncontrolled thoughtless conversation. I feel like there is a sense of lack of control because my brain doesn't have time to fully process before speaking. I believe this is why I am such a better written communicator. The time it takes to write/type is enough for me to process. I'm not one that has to proof, re-read, and change. (I rarely do.) I don't mean to portray that my words and conversations are careless, negative, or destructive. Rather, just rambling and not as tight a ship as my perfectionist mind would like.

CHOOSE NOT TO JUDGE
"We can say nothing but still harbor a judgmental spirit, and being judgmental is often what fuels gossip in the first place."

Melanie Chitwood of Proverbs 31 Ministries wrote this: "I've been thinking lately about how easy it is to judge others or to think I have the answers for them...In a nutshell, I can be self-righteous, just like the Pharisees. God is challenging me to examine my spoken and unspoken judgments of others. He wants us to come alongside others and help carry their burdens, rather than add to them with our criticism."

While looking for a verse I had in mind (Galatians 2), I found this one, poignantly relating to Melanie's references of the Pharisees. Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them. Luke 11:26

It is so very easy to judge and not even realize it's a judgment: an assumption that what another person is doing is wrong. It is the 'should' statements. She should do that. She should not allow that. She should be this. It is what we think is right or wrong. We have to choose to not judge. We have to "refuse to be judgmental and rain down love instead."

Though the Pharisees adherence to God's law is admirable, with that obeying they judged harshly and loved little. Judging is sinning. The Pharisees did it. We do it. Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:1-3

We can judge in our hearts without it ever being spoken or shared. That infraction is no different and causes the same end result from God. Lysa shares how we can try to disguise judgment as just being boldly honest with someone. Yet, we have to earn that privilege to be boldy honest and have a level of friendship that can handle it. Lysa says it best about her friendship with Renee Swope. "We've made so many positive deposits in each other's lives that we have room for constructive criticism without the threat of bankrupting our friendship."

"When we are truly humble, we are less likely to be judgmental."

BE SECURE IN YOUR UNIQUE CALLING
Lysa shares how an encounter with a friend at the grocery store began hurtful but resulted in security of her calling. Lysa told the friend she needed to help her child with a project because she'd be away at a conference. The friend's tone changed and she said "I don't know how you can possibly be okay with leaving your kids like that." Twist knife, jab harder, and pull out. I recall Lysa sharing this on her blog and how I hurt with her. To be judged and condemned for what God has called and equipped one to do.

I'm so very thankful such comments never deterred Lysa. Rather, such comments gave her yet another real life story to share with us and help us to grow. She is such a huge, huge blessing to so many. Listen to what Jesus says and revealed to Lysa that day. I tell you the truth no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much. Luke 18-29-30.

Though Lysa may have wanted to blast "grocery-store judgment" woman and call her "meanie head" (in her heart only, of course), she chooses to call her "sister".

"As long as you are in the place God has called you and He's using you, then rest secure in that and let other's criticisms roll of your back...hard to do...but...freeing."

I'm so trying to do that and have God be my confidence and not seek it from anyone else. Though, my flesh does enjoy a little encouragement and signs of confirmation that I've understood His calling correctly.

"Be the kind of friend you desperately want. God will eventually honor your desire." Liz commented on my this post, "All I can do is be the best friend I know how to be and let God take care of the rest."

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 This verse has been on my list to memorize. Maybe the inclusion of it in this chapter will be the light to my fire to do it.

"We are uniquely designed to be drawn to certain people in friendship." I need to remember this as I struggle wondering if 'she' likes me and why we aren't as close friends as she is with 'her'. We aren't all designed to be bffs to each other. We aren't all designed to be great friends with every Sally, Joan, and Mary.

"A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are."

I would be so encouraged to hear your thoughts and read your comments. If you have more to say on this please use MckLinky and add your site.

This post is much longer than my normally long posts. However, there was so much good stuff in this chapter that I could not selfishly keep it to myself. (I even chose to cut out a few paragraphs.)

Cross my heart, close my mouth, I promise to love and honor you,

I'm Not Equipped for Hers

2009-11-24T00:00:00.009-05:00

Welcome to Yes to God Tuesdays as I temporarily host for sweet Lelia the online study of Lysa Terkeurst's wonderful book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

Chapter Eight "But I Want What She Has"

Lysa begins this chapter with a pure and grateful attitude she recalled as a child, a poor child. From her reflection she was content with a Barbie doll shoebox house instead of the pink plastic house, the neighborhood ditch instead of a metal swing set, one day at the beach instead of a week. The storebought pink plastic house was too confining when she had split levels in her shoe boxes. The ditch served as a Grand Canyon for leaping, a palace for high tea, or a swimming pool of water and mud. And, a day at the beach was enough time to get burned; any longer and they'd be overcooked. But then, Lysa's family moved into their own house and Lysa thought she'd died and gone to Heaven "until the day I realized we were poor." Wow. The beauty and gift of not knowing one is poor.

Lysa didn't realize this until the governor's daughter started attending her school. Lysa never dreamed they would have anything in common let alone ever be friends. Upon being invited to play at the governor's house, Lysa's mind whirled on the luxuries: gated, fenced, huge house, security, marbled floors, fancy artwork, and things named beyond her vocabulary. Interesting enough those didn't tug on Lysa's contented heart. "It was my friend's ability to get what she wanted when she wanted it that lured my heart away from feeling like the lucky girl I'd always been." Always been. What a bubble that should never be burst. I've had my discontentment, or rather wavering contentment, crushed by jealousy or envy of another let alone full contentment stolen.

Lysa began to notice things to which she had been oblivious: sheets, clothes, toys. She began to feel poor as she held herself and her life to that of another. Comparing ourselves gets us in so much trouble. I usually think I'm a nice dresser for work until one co-worker comes to campus every so often. Dressed to kill. Not necessarily fancy but always well put together. A natural style of classy. I hate feeling less than equal, less than classy, less than "in style".

"I did what too many people do when they build themselves up against another person and walk away feeling deprived: I started resenting my life. I stopped looking for the good in my situation or appreciating what I did have." I am so guilty of that. I don't appreciate enough my life and what God has done for me. "I'm blinded to what I do have in the face of what I lack."

Desiring something other than what I have leads to a discontented and ungrateful heart. I don't want to desire for more or anything other than what I have, but the flesh is strong. His Spirit is stronger though.

"Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud 'I am not equipped to handle what they have--both good and bad.' "

Wow. In the last 2 1/2 years I have so often looked at every married woman, and even mothers, and wanted what they had: a husband. Just to have a life partner, true love, and soul mate. Yet, I've often done what Lysa says. I speak out loud acknowledging that any of those wives could have a terrible husband and maybe even a hateful one. That wife may be living a life of compromise. And not in a good way but rather, a compromise of herself, her value, her faith. There are worse things than being single. There are worse things than waiting for a marriage to be restored. I ask myself 'are you sure about the last one, Paula?' Yes, it is a very painful phase of limbo.

"When I want the good things someone has, I must realize that I'm also asking for the bad that comes along with it." A package deal. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Good for them doesn't mean good for me.

We aren't all equipped to handle the same good nor the same bad. We don't have the same spirit and soul. We are all equipped differently to endure the good and bad of our own circumstances but not equipped for what "they" have.

Are your thoughts controlled? 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. NIV. For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. ESV

I usually think of self-control in relation to actions, words, and emotions. Controlling our anger. Controlling our tongue. But where does our anger and tongue (words) start? It starts in our thought life before evolving to words verbalized.

Lysa is so right when she says "Too many of us live with an uncontrolled thought life." Thoughts are a choice. We can choose to combat negative, destructive thoughts and redirect them to positive, encouraging, and godly thoughts. Here's a great exercise from Lysa. "Think of something you want that someone else has. Have you ever been lured into thinking, 'If only I had ____________ like that person, my life would be great!' "

Well, yeah, I've thought that. I think that. More times than I care to admit especially when it comes to marriage and husbands. Oh, and an occasional physical body image thought. I'm nothing if I'm not honest. So now redirect those thoughts by saying:
"I am not equipped for her good.
I am not equipped for her bad.
I am not equipped to carry the weight of her victories.
I am not equipped to shoulder her burdens.
I am not equipped to be her in any way.
I am, however, perfectly equipped to be me.
Therefore, thank You, God for only entrusting me with what I have and who I am."

Did you catch that third line? Yes, victories have weight. Hmm.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

I find it no coincidence this scripture was preached on Sunday. So much rest is needed. A lighter burden desired. A yoke easier to bear.

Her burden is manageable because it's her burden for which she is equipped. Her burden placed on me could be detrimental, unbearable, and excruciating for me.

Please leave a comment and if you have more to say on your blog, please enter your name using MckLinky.

Equipped for Mine Only,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

He Loves Me: Does She Like Me?

2009-11-17T08:00:00.009-05:00

UPDATE: I will be guest hosting the Yes to God Tuesdays online Bible studies as my sweet friend, Lelia, is unable at this time. I have participated in all but one of her studies over the last 18 months.

We've all done the pull-the-daisy petals: he likes me, he likes me not. We expect that to work. And, if it ends on he like me not, well there are do-overs. We do it over hoping for the opposite. As women don't we also do this with females? Am I the only one who wonders if a woman likes me and values my friendship? I've often felt my friendships were lopsided. That is, that I put more value, desire, and energy into the friendship than the other person.

Take a guess at the title of chapter seven in Becoming More. That's right..."She Likes Me, She Likes Me Not". Lysa shared her childhood dreams of pappagallo flats and madras shorts, changing her name to Buffy, and grosgrain hair ribbons. It all boiled down to "I just wanted to be accepted. By someone."

I wouldn't go back to grade school or high school for anything. Too much drama of not feeling accepted, girl "fights", and wanting to fit in.

When Lysa blogged on this topic, she received numerous comments from ladies feeling this way as an adult. Many women thought they were alone in their feelings, insecurities, and wanting to be accepted and liked. We are not alone! Women are creatures specifically created for relationships, female relationships, and girl friends.

I had not thought of this but Lysa says maybe we can never be totally rid of our insecurities. "If they press us to draw closer to God, the only secure thing, then healthy doses of insecurities might not be so bad." Though, those insecurities that distract and paralyze need to be addressed.
Lysa shares that to make peace with our feelings of inadequacy, we "must operate in God's love and operate with God's love."

*Operating IN God's Love*
"Operating in God's love means understanding how His love can redefine my natural thought processes." How? With God's Word. Meditating and soaking in His Word will transform our thoughts to align with His truth about us...depleting satan's lies. "I have retrained my brain so God's truths interrupt my negative thought patterns."

"Stop looking to others for validation." Does that hit others in the heart like it does me? I look to my supervisors to validate my value as an employee. I look to my readers to validate my ability to write. I look to my friends to validate my 'likeability'. I need to veer to God's Word in front of the negative thoughts to cut them off before they start. Kind of like cutting people off when I drive. Just joking!!

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken. Isaiah 4:10

"This comforting reality helps me to not shy away from hard things but to press into God's strength and operate with more courage."

Though we may not be accepted, nor liked, nor validated, we never escape the unfailing love of the Almighty One. A 10.0 earthquake won't shake His love for us.

Infallible. Stable. Reliable. Able despite us, what we do or don't do.

Meditation. Repetition. Of God's word, His thoughts, His truth.
"Until the truth seeps in and I can leave the petal-pulling behind."

*Operating WITH God's Love*
"Operating with God's love allows me to rest in a security beyond myself. It's okay that I'm insecure if it prompts me to rely on God more fully." God can show us the way to use our insecurities for our advantage. How? Insecurities can create sensitivity and discernment in us for others with insecurities. Through a hug, an encouraging word, a comment (ON THIS BLOG...wink wink), an email, or a card (remember those from way back in the postal days?)

Robert McGee, from The Search for Significance, says: "Loneliness is one of the most dangerous and widespread problems in America...Ninety-two percent of Christians attending a recent Bible conference admitted...feelings of loneliness were a major problem...sense of despair at feeling unloved...fear of being unwanted or unaccepted."

By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35

Allow God to use our insecurities and prompt us to love others more. "Really think about the simplicity of simply loving others and yet the absolute profound impact that it could make." Profound impact.

"One of satan's greatest tools to hold us back from telling the world about Christ is to get us to put our sense of security in the wrong place."

Look for the good. Judge less. Overlook rude actions. Be sensitive to those overlooked.

Insecurity is "a gift that should lead me to operate in God's love and with God's love."

Maybe we all need to join Lysa in replacing The Official Preppy Handbook with The Official Holy Bible.

I know that petal pushers (capris) are in style but let's not be petal pullers. Let's not focus on whether he or she likes us but that the Almighty One loves us.

Leave a comment and if you have more to say on your blog, please enter your name using MckLinky.

Letting God Rid Me of Petal-Pulling,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Picture is of the Ohio River.
To see more pictures visit my FB page.

Lessons & Pineapples

2009-11-10T15:23:00.005-05:00

After reading the first two pages of chapter six, the title is very fitting and makes perfect sense...Unlikely Lessons From a Pineapple. Probably like many people, Lysa feared the unknown of cutting a fresh pineapple to the extent that she would just not buy one. Until...until she watched a friend cut one. Then her world opened up, never to be the same again.

As a child I remember pineapples being a delicacy in our home because they were so expensive. I loved fresh pineapple but we didn't have the extra money for that. Then one day my mom bought me (us) one. I took a picture of it sitting in a chair, which I still have. I was one happy teenager.

Lysa didn't know how to cut a pineapple so she just never bought one. She uses this as a great analogy for how she first looked at studying the Bible...from afar. Choosing canned pineapple over fresh. Choosing to read books about the Bible over studying the Bible.

I would guess many of us find reading someone's experiences and thoughts on the Word to be easier than studying and learning straight from the Bible. It can be an intimidating Book but a Book which without we can't live. We should breath it.

Learning facts versus learning life applications. "Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means pursuing God's truth so passionately that it actually becomes part of our nature."

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22 Make a habit of applying God's Word.

"Knowing God's Word and doing what it says not only saves us from heartbreak and trouble, it also brings more satisfaction to our souls more than anything else ever could."

Security and satisfaction.

It's not just reading but applying God's Word. Actually, dare I say that reading becomes null and void if it's not applied? We can buy a fresh pineapple but if we don't crack it open, it becomes rotten and inedible. If we don't fully eat the Word, we are not filled with it.

"If people ever say Jesus and His biblical truths don't work, I am quick to ask how consistently they've applied what they've read. People fail; truth never does."

Lysa shares and reflects on the story of David and Goliath. I just finished A Heart Like His by Beth Moore so the life of David is still very fresh in my heart.

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Convicting for sure.

"Allowing the traits of biblical characters to cause us to do some introspective thinking will deepen our study and make what we're learning more applicable to our lives." And applying Scripture to our lives is what it is all about. Applying not just reading. It's hard, I know.

And we know our heart, and thus our character, is top priority to God. I've often asked God, if there is more He needs to do in my heart and character while I wait on Him and my desire of restoration, then please do so. I know that He has work to do on both parties before He can restore.

Lysa shares how any time something seems out of order in Scripture that we should stop and look deeper, asking why? Why was David overlooked? Why was he not even considered by his father when Samuel came searching for a king?

David didn't look like a king. He didn't smell like a king. He wasn't positioned for a king. But David had the heart God was seeking. A heart like His. Is there anything greater to be called?

"Overlooked by everyone, but handpicked by God." Wow! One pivotal fact about David but one we can also apply to our lives and thus change the outlook on our own lives. Others may reject me. Others may step over me for the task. Others may overlook me when choosing love. Others may put me last on their list of friends. But, God will always choose me. God has chosen me. God has handpicked me with His Almighty Hands.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthian 12:10

Often when we are rejected and overlooked it is because God has chosen and handpicked us. When I am weak (or rather feel weak), He makes me strong. He makes me capable!

After being chosen as king, David was sent right back from where he came--tending his sheep. Why? To wait. A tough place for sure. "Waiting can sometimes consume a person with questions, wants, and worries." Amen, sister. I thought I was alone in asking, wanting, and worrying while I wait. I can't help but to think at least David knew he would be king one day while he waited. That had to make the wait better, didn't it? Unfortunately, I've not heard such a clear and strong call on my heart. I can only go with what I feel my convictions to be...but no clear promise as with David's anointing. What I wouldn't give to hear His call and assurance while I'm waiting. Even more than that, David wasn't ever bothered by the wait. I guess I can somewhat understand that. If I knew something was going to happen, as David did with his kingship, I think I could wait more patiently.

David didn't wonder, resist, or doubt. David rested knowing this was "the right place for right now." I believe that for myself...that is God must have a purpose and therefore this has to be the right place for right now, but only for now. I believe in His purpose of my waiting and my unfulfilled desires deep within my heart. But it doesn't seem to sooth the ache any more.

He makes me lie down in green pastures [rest]
He leads me beside quiet waters [reflection]
He restores my soul [restoration]
He guides me in paths of righteousness [right choices]
for His name's sake [it is all about God, not about David]
Psalm 23:2-3

"David chose to resist the temptation of discontentment by seeing the greater good of this waiting period."

When David finally faces Goliath, it is the training in his every day life that prepares him to fight and defeat Goliath. "God can use the tasks of my everyday life to deliver my character to the point that it matches my calling."

"Never again settle for the canned version of anything."
Ain't that the truth, especially for this fresh-fruit-lovin gal.

Trying to Learn His Lessons,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Time With God: A Privilege

2009-11-03T15:14:00.010-05:00

In Becoming More, Lysa opens chapter five, "Devotion Time Blues", by telling us of the stressful preparation for her sister's visit. High on that list of stress was discovering a mattress floating in her pond, visible for all to see.

It's no secret that if we run ourselves ragged, we will be physically drained. We run on empty when we've depleted all our physical energies. We give more than we have. The same is true for our spiritual life. If we don't revive our spiritual tank by spending time with God, we will be running on empty. To be spiritually depleted is worse than being physically depleted.

Lysa points out something very interesting. Each time Jesus proclaimed peace, whether to His disciples or to Thomas or to whomever, the writer ends it with an exclamation point. "Peace be with you!" Jesus was intentional and emphatic with urgency. So why peace? Why was Jesus so emphatic to give us peace? Lysa points out that the world can give false joy, false hope, and false love. But it cannot give false peace. Peaceful moments, maybe. Only Christ is the author, provider, and giver of peace. I believe peace to be the number one thing most all people desire in their lives. You think maybe Jesus knows that?!!

How does He give peace then? One way is through the time spent with Him. He prepares for the day ahead so we can act and react with peace at our center. I love how Lysa reminds us that "He knows things and see things for which I need to be prepared." I can forget that at 7am God already knows what I will incur at 12pm, 5pm, 8pm. Seeking God will fill me with more of Him and prepare me with what I need to handle that day. He has shown me that when I forgo our time together, I forgo my preparedness and enter chaos.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. Psalm 139:1-4 [my emphasis]

"He loves us enough to desire to protect us from our natural-flesh responses." Oh yes Lord, how I need Your protection from my own fleshly responses, from my flesh period.

"If my heart has been prepared to receive God's most perfect help, I am able to receive it right when I need it and I'm much more likely to apply it immediately."

As Lysa says it seems so elementary to say we need to read the Bible every day and spend time with Jesus. Isn't this what we first discovered as a babe in Christ? Isn't it evident that it makes life easier to endure? Isn't this told to us all the time in sermons, devotionals, studies, etc.?

So why do we fail? Why is it hard to do? Why do we struggle with being faithful in these?

Before we explore struggling with quiet time, I want to share a couple paragraphs that I feel shows just how real Lysa is. She's been there. Done that. She shares this with such honesty and humor. How can we not: 1) shake our hands in agreement and 2) laugh at how ridiculous but true it is.

"Have you ever been at a church service when the teacher asked everyone to turn to a particular book of the Bible and you couldn't for the life of you remember where in the Bible that book is located? And for Pete's sake, have you noticed how loud Bible pages are? You start to sweat...you feel every eye...on you. Heaven forbid you actually turn to the table of contents. The reality is, some of those who so easily turned to that scripture are just sitting there with their Bibles cracked open to the wrong place pretending to follow along."

You gotta love that Lysa!

I remember when she did the survey about devotion times on her blog and found that many people struggle with their devotion time. We are not alone.

Ill-equipped. Intimidated. Mundane habit. (Those described the feelings women confessed.) One commenter, Kelli, described the struggles as "the duty of devotion rather than the desire." Instead of our time with God being out of habit and an ordinary ritual, it should be "a way that God will speak to them, help them, and equip them for a more meaningful life." I can I can sure use a dose of "meaningful."

"We underestimate the power made available to us when we spend time with God. Our earthly eyes are limited. Start embracing the incredible privilege to meet with Jesus every day."

"Devotions don't have to be perfect to be powerful and effective." This reminds me of what James tells us. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. James 5:16

A righteous soul just willing to be with God in prayer and devotion. He'll do the rest, directing the time we give to Him.

If I've heard it advised once, I've heard it a hundred times. Start devotion time with prayer. Pray every time before reading His Word. Do I? No, I admit it. I'm guilty of not doing this and that's a shame because I'm not allowing His full power to be released in me and my time with Him. I go in phases--sometimes I've been faithful to pray before entering His presence but unfortunately I'm not in that phase right now, yet. I try to say to myself that He knows my heart's desire when I come to Him; He know I want Him to speak to me through His Word. But He still wants us to verbalize our feelings. Asking Him into our time gives Him full permission to govern it. It should be "preparation for the great adventure God and I are about to head off on together in the hours ahead." That just puts a totally different perspective on it.

Okay. Stop the bus. Hold the traffic. Lysa shares this scripture. Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11 Yeah, okay, great verse you say. But even greater is that I just finished a study with Beth Moore on David ("A Heart Like His"). One of the last days was about having an undivided heart and a wholehearted devotion.

I digressed.

I love how Lysa's friend asked her if she had considered putting the whole mattress incidence in her book. Her answer was so precious and priceless: "No, there might be too many chapters that started off with some kind of everyday life antic that put me on the edge of a breakdown only to have Jesus talk me off the coffee table and teach me something new in the process." Her friend said "Lysa isn't that where most of us live? And isn't that sort of the point of your book?" Amen. And, I'm so glad Lysa is real and shows us not only the errors of her ways but the lessons from the Lord.

"Remember we aren't after perfectly accomplishing our quiet time routine...[but] about seeing our time with God as the most precious and valuable minutes of our day."

What a refreshing and reviving perspective that this heart of mine needed.

To see what others have to say, visit Lelia.

Embracing Time With God,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Picture is of my Live Forever.

Going Beyond

2009-10-27T10:54:00.006-04:00

Chapter four of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl is appropriately named, "Beyond Sunday Morning". I agree with Lysa when she says regardless of the length of our walk with God "we would all do well to desire more of Him." I'm so very thankful that our gracious God "honors the honest prayers of people desiring a richer connection with Him."

We can learn much from children. Lysa hoped the preacher man would listen and take heed to her young child thoughts. When she was a child, she expressed her desire to have children's church like she had experienced elsewhere. She desired to have someone preach to kids in a way they could understand and apply as they read the Bible. Why? On the lighter side "because, really, it's a shame to wear a scratchy dress for half a weekend day and sit on a hard pew only to draw pictures, fall asleep, and count spit droplets." At such a young age, not yet discovering Jesus, she desired more than a Sunday routine. "What I really loved was the way my friend's church made me want to go home and open the Bible for myself." [As I said, we can learn much from children.]

Five words that we all need to take to heart: open the Bible for myself. Too many times we seek the church for spiritual growth and learning when we need to be self-feeders. Bill Hybels says it best. "When people became Christians, we should have started teaching them that they have to take responsibility to become 'self-feeders'. We should have taught people how to read their Bible between services and how to practice spiritual disciplines much more aggressively on their own!"

Discipline. Spiritual discipline. Practice spiritual discipline. Aggressively practice. That's a big order to chew but we're called to chew it so we will have the best nutrients, the best spiritual walk with God. For a mother is there any greater milestone than her child feeding oneself? (Okay there are many.) There is freedom for the mother like the freedom of becoming a self-feeder of God. There's nothing better than a Christian becoming a self-feeder and not relying on another person to feed us.

Oh how I wish I would've known to feed myself at a young age of 21 and a babe in Christ. If I would've known what I know now...If I would've known to seek for myself in God's Word...If I would've been lead to the trough, maybe I would've drank for myself. Instead, I made a vast "mistake"...a life-changing decision. Yes, a growing experience but something I'd rather not have on my life's "resume".

Instead of seeking the church and the ministry to feed us and fulfill our needs, we must seek to make a difference in the body of Christ. Kind of like: don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just replace country with church and we have what God desires for us. "Where can I become a woman who applies her knowledge of the Bible? Where can I live out the message of Jesus by serving, loving, and giving?"

Studying the Bible does not come easy. It takes time and determination. Yes, we have to study the Bible to know the Bible. We are not going to gain all God desires for us by listening to a sermon preached or a lesson taught. We have to go deeper and study on our own. "We'll never grow to our full potential unless we jump in and get serious about studying scripture." Lysa suggests three things to do when we determine to tackling the intimidation and study the Word alone: pray, discover the context, and read the passage phrase by phrase.

We will be on our way to become a self-feeder by doing those. Of course it is always good to pray before reading His Word, asking God each time to teach us and show us His Truths for our lives. We call upon God to open our eyes and prepare our hearts for the riches we are about to receive. Approaching His Word is like approaching a bountiful feast...a feast for our souls.

Many times we can assume that simply reading the text will enlighten us. There is so much more to reading the Bible than say a fictional book or any book for that matter...a leisure read without stops of meditation. There is so much in a study Bible to aid us. Like Lysa, I also like to read the intro or info section of each book. It gives the time, author, place, and theme. Knowing the background gives more understanding while reading the Word. It's almost like a light bulb going off: 'Oh that's why it says that. Oh that's who that is. Oh that's the circumstance surrounding the passage.'

Dissecting is also helpful when reading the Bible. It takes time but if I'm seeking to truly understand a passage, I also read the commentary notes with each verse. Though the commentary is simply one man's thoughts, it can give understanding where there is none.

Lysa suggests reading the passage phrase by phrase and writing down the verse and then group the word or words that "go" together.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. Ephesians 1:17

I keep asking...
"constant prayer. daily dependence. discipline and perseverance and determination."

the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father...
"go to God personally. completely enjoyable."

may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation...
"Having wisdom and revelation might help them [Ephesians] make a good choice or two, but Paul wants them to have the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that their every word, every attitude, every action and reaction, every thought is infused with the wisdom of God and reined in by His revelation."

That's deep. That's a huge eye-opener. Such a vast difference between wisdom/revelation and the Spirit of wisdom/revelation.

so that you may know Him better...
"So that reveals the intentions of the heart. Having the Spirit of wisdom and revelation is purely 'so that' I can know God better. Really know Him."

Oh to know God better. Is there anything greater?

Wanting to Go Beyond,

Measuring Gone All Wrong

2009-10-20T11:03:00.005-04:00

Chapter three of Lysa's book is called "When I Feel Like I Don't Measure Up". Shall I just end my post here and now? Is there really anything else left to say? I am far from a bettin' woman but I'd bet we all struggle with this, even to some degree, if not deeper.

Lysa shares her dream of receiving the Really Good Mommy Award by making 100 individually wrapped brownies for a school fundraiser. That is, homemade from a box and no less the caramel turtle kind, not just the plain ones. Nope, plain ones would not be deserving of this fabulous award. Moments before loading the brownies into her unused, still price-tagged basket and heading to school, it happened. Lysa realized the homemade deliciousness had nuts in them. Yes, nuts. Nutted brownies for a nut-free school. Yes, a nut-free school. No nuts allowed. (I guess I wouldn't be allowed in the school then.☺) Needless (or nut-less) to say, Lysa received no award that day. But rather, I'm guessing a learning lesson she received. "The more I let my mind free-fall into the pit of negativity and shame, the more disabled I felt."

Oh how very true. Nothing comes from being in that pit of negativity and shame, except more guilt. More guilt and shame only disable us further. They do not enable us to conquer and achieve, but rather bind us in captivity and inadequacy. It is satan who wants us to stay right there, feeling inadequate. "He wants us to go to Bible study, learn deep truths of God, leave all encouraged, and then come home and have a complete meltdown over ninety-seven brownies that didn't make the bake sale cut." Oh how my past is filled with so much of that. Meltdowns. Major meltdowns. It didn't just melt down but melt away. My sanity. My clarity. My mercy. My reasoning. Melted.

In the middle of the inadequate feelings is satan causing us to then doubt God. Question God. Lose faith in God. Distance God. Like Lysa said, we ask why Jesus doesn't step in and tell us "no nuts" in the brownies. He is more than capable of that simple thing. He heals the sick. He raises the dead. He parts the sea. He moves mountains we can't even see. What a conniving scheme of satan's. "If satan can get us asking these kinds of questions, then we can easily justify distancing ourselves from God, once more reducing our relationship with Him to items on a checklist." As Lysa says, we need not ask the question "Why doesn't Jesus work for me?" when things don't happen as we think or ask. When we fall short we need to ask "How can I see Jesus even in this?" We do this by "pull[ing] back from whatever situation I'm facing and separate my circumstance from my identity." So often we erroneously identify with our circumstances. We place our identity in our circumstances.

I failed at baking cookies, so I am a terrible mom. I missed a deadline, so I'm a terrible employee. I overstepped my words, so I'm a terrible friend. I missed a moment to respect, so I'm a terrible wife.

"Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means I separate my shortcomings from my identity and let Jesus be the only measure of my worth." Doing this "allows me to see the circumstance for what it is - a mistake." Oh how hard that is. It takes purposeful effort to distinguish between a circumstance as a mistake and my identity as a failure. I can't help but to think that forgiveness is the bridge to properly connecting circumstances and identity. Could it be that forgiving one's self can give proper perspective of mistakes and failures? Would a dose of grace allow us to make mistakes without automatically equating that to a detriment of our identity?

For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity. Proverbs 24:16

"I feel bad for him. He had seven bake sale debacles. That comes out to 700 individually wrapped, homemade-from-the-box turtle brownies. Okay, I readily admit that maybe that wasn't his exact circumstance. I bet he made full-out peanut butter cookies."

Why in the world do I share that? Of all things to quote from this fabulous author and person who has so much wonderful knowledge to share? Well, there's no huge bang. No huge ah ha moment. No spectacular voa-la. Just to share her amazing and witty humor that I truly adore and enjoy tremendously.

I digress so let's carry on...The Proverbs man fell seven times and he rose seven times. He was not defeated. He did not give up or rather give in to satan's lies and tactics. He remained true to his identity by not allowing his mistakes to identify him.

Falling down--failing--should not cause us to stay down and defeated but it should call us to action, to change. Each failure is an opportunity to learn and grown. Each fall allows for a lesson, or two, or three.

"The reason failure hurts is because we are trying so stinkin' hard to measure up. But the way people measure each other can change frequently, based on feelings, performance, and often unrealistic expectations." And if I may add: mood. Mood can change how people measure each other. If our motive or purpose is to prove our worth, get compliments, or earn approval, we are bound to be disappointed.

"God never intended for us to rely on others for our sense of well-being. Only He is equipped to provide that."

As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Now remain in My love. If you obey My commands, you will remain in My love, just as I have obeyed My Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. John 15:9-11

Remember His love.
Remain in His love.
Obey His commands.
His joy in me.
Joy complete.

"Instead of resting my heart in the unrealistic hope that others will make my joy complete, I have to rest my heart with Jesus only."

To see what others are saying about this fabulous book and chapter, go to Lelia's.

Measured By Him Alone,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

It's Not About Seeing

2009-10-16T12:04:00.014-04:00

I was catching up on visiting bloggy friends this past Wednesday. I was at a site (which I can't recall for the life of me) and I saw a comment from Heather whom I hadn't communicated with in some time. I clicked on her blog, On the Road. A scripture on her side bar caught my eye and I read it quickly. Hebrews 11:1. That's good. I've heard that one. I'm familiar with that one.

Literally the very next stop was this post at Angie's Free Spirit Haven. Toward's the bottom of her post she had Hebrews 11:1 in a graphic image. I read through it and after finishing, I realized, "This is the second time in minutes I've read this verse. Wait. Read that again. Maybe this is God."

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 [my emphasis]

Are You, Lord, telling me to be sure of what I hope for? To be sure of restoration? I see no evidence of that, yet You want me to be certain of it...certain of what I do not see? Hopeful of what I do not see? Sure of what I hope for? How Lord? Don't worry with the how, sweet child, just be sure.

Let me retract and vaguely enlighten why this verse on this day would mean so much.

Wednesday morning I had the dream of dreams...my heart's desire fulfilled, beloved returned. Two were literally united as one again. It weighed so heavily on my heart all day Wednesday. My heart was hurting so bad...still hurting. I wanted the vividness of the dream to go away. You know what I mean about vividness...the feelings of it being and feeling SO real. I can't bear the dream without the reality. God help me.

Then, He tells me through two blogs that His Word says faith is being sure of what I hope for. He knows what I hope for. He knows I've not seen any evidence of it. It's what I hope but not what I see. Thank You, Lord. May I not forget You speaking to me through this verse.

So that day I...
Begged for return. Asked for healing. Feared no restoration.
Pleaded. Begged. Asked. Feared.

I'm writing this verse on my heart. I'm writing about this encounter so I won't soon forget God speaking to me, assuring me, and re-assuring me.

And if that's not enough. There's been a song on the radio for the last several weeks. Here's a few lines that always encourage me. My additions in brackets.

What Faith Can Do by Kutless

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains [that seem impossible]
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling [and resting on my heart]

And I’ve seen miracles just happen [better known as my suddenly]
Silent prayers get answered [amen!]
Broken hearts become brand new [can't wait]
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard [or what you are told]
Impossible is not a word [not in God's dictionary]
It’s just a reason for someone not to try

Everybody’s scared to death [it is scary to follow blindly]
When they decide to take that step.
Out on the water

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing [oh yes!!!]
You will find your way
If you keep believing [that's faith, right?]

Overcome the odds [big odds, but not impossible odds]
You do have a chance
That’s what faith can do
When the world says you can’t [or says it can't happen]
It’ll tell you that you can! [it can happen]

Believing While Not Seeing,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Picture is of my pink spirea

Hollow to Whole

2009-10-12T15:19:00.010-04:00

Can I be honest with you all? When I read the title of chapter two, "Flitting To and Fro", I didn't have a clue what flitting meant. I have honestly never heard that word. In case any of you want to stand with me in ignorance and admit it, I'll share its definition: to pass quickly or abruptly from one place or condition to another, to move in an erratic fluttering manner.

Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl.

Lysa begins by sharing how she felt as though she couldn't quite land and figure out what she had to offer after she said yes to God. Oh, are we suppose to figure that out? I still haven't figured out what I have to offer. I said yes to God years ago and am just finally beginning to be where I should've been all those years ago. "Even though I knew in my head that only God could fill my soul, I still found myself wanting my husband and kids to do the job. It just seemed easier trying to get these things from those I could see and touch." Did Lysa just jump into my head and steal my thoughts?

"No person, possession, profession, or position ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart." If I might add, none of those fills any heart even a heart not enduring heartache or emptiness. Those things will never bring what our heart truly wants and needs. We ask those things to fill us up. We get that education. Still empty. We get that job. Still empty. We get that job. Empty. We get married. Empty. We have 2.5 children and a dog. Still empty. We get that house. Empty. We add the picket fence. Empty. Car. Pool. Boat. It's a never-ending pit. It's a bucket with a hole, never to be filled completely but always will a slow leak. God is the only One who can plug the hole and fill the bucket.

Then we play the torturous 'if only' game. If only I had this, that, or the other. Lysa shared an example of this and I'll shed my skin and share mine.

I could be really happy and fulfilled if only I had:
♥ a skinnier body ♥ a healed complexion ♥ a husband to return ♥ a more outgoing personality ♥ a higher confidence ♥ a sense of clear purpose ♥ an un-empty home ♥ a big ministry of speaking, teaching, writing

"Becoming more than a good Bible study girl means realizing that apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if you get everything on your list, there would still be a hollow gap in your soul."

Lysa suggest we replace our 'if only' statements "with something that draws your heart into God's truth." His Truth from scripture will never leave us empty.

Instead of "if only I had a clear purpose..."
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Instead of "if only I had a better physical image..."
So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him. Genesis 1:27

Instead of "if only I had a husband to return..."
All things are possible with God. Mark 10:27b
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
And that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:26

Instead of "if only I had a more outgoing personality and more confidence..."
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:4-5

Instead of "if only I had an un-empty home..."
Jesus replied, 'If anyone loves Me, he will obey My teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make Our home with him.'

John 14:23 Instead of "if only I had a big ministry..."
He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant. 2 Corinthians 3:6a
Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you. Jeremiah 30:2
I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. Romans 15:14

"When God's Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs, and our desires." God fills every crack in our soul and makes us whole, filled, and complete. God fits our soul like a glove. He fully covers us with His love and truth.

"Living in the moment with God, defined by His truth, and with no unrealistic expectations for others or things to fill me up. Not reaching back for what was lost in my yesterdays. And not reaching for what I hope will be my tomorrow. But living fully with what is right in front of me. And truly seeing the gift of this moment."

Oh, Lysa, you got into my heart and head. I so need and want to do this.

No unrealistic expectations.
Not reaching back to yesterday.
Not reaching forward to tomorrow.
Living fully in front of me.
Seeing the gift of this moment.

Shall I say anymore? No, so see what others are saying at Lelia's place.

Seeking to Fill My Hollow with Him,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Enough is Never Enough

2009-10-05T13:39:00.009-04:00

It's been a long time since I did an online study and posted it. Can I still do it? Sure. Am I up to it? Hope so. I've lacked structure and discipline over the summer. I'm ready to have that restored. Even more, I so want a life-changing experience with God through this study. I don't even know that I am a "good Bible study girl" but I want much more than that. I want to go deeper with God. Don't we all want that? It's a matter if we are ready to put forth the effort, to allow our minds to be transformed, and to have our hearts freed.

When Lelia said she was hosting a study on Lysa Terkeurst's new book, Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl, I was tempted. Tempted to do it; tempted to cop out, wimp out, be lazy. To be honest, fear might have been my driving factor to do it. Fear? Yes, fear of what I might miss by not 1) reading this book and 2) processing my thoughts by composing a post. So, here I am. Here I am, Lord. Asking You to change my heart, transform my mind and renew my spirit all to go deeper...deeper with You, Lord.

If the title to chapter one doesn't say enough (no pun intended), then what does? "Trying to Be Good Enough" is the chapter title. I have to admit I was surprised to hear how this feeling resonated in Lysa. It's hard to imagine a woman like her feeling she was not good enough nor acceptable. I've only known of her for over a year but I can't express how much I think of her, respect her, and admire her.

"The heart of a woman is not only deep and wondrous but tender and vulnerable."

Lysa shares how we define ourselves with labels. This is true and I believe the problem lies in the crutch we create with the label. What happens when the label fails? Then where are we? Then who are we? "I was someone's girlfriend, but then we would break up. I was a good student, but then I'd made a bad grade. I was responsible, but then pulled a stupid stunt an wrecked my car."

Clutching to any identity, outside of God's child, will always lead to failure, disappointment, and unmet expectations.

Even with labeling God, we encounter pitfalls. Lysa shares her early view of religion being a good addition to life as "I was keeping up my end of the bargain with God, and He was keeping His." With the loss of her baby sister, anger erupted, her view of God changed, and now her identity did also. She'd no longer be "Lysa, the good girl."

"My flawed ideas of God would only let me love Him when He did good things."

Wow...have we ever fallen into that pit? The pit of judging God or treating God according to what He does instead of who He is? I admit I have. I may not say it outright to Him but He knows when I view Him differently and get my heart hurt over things He did or rather did not do for me. We must be careful to always view God through the lens of who He is and nothing else.

"The thought that I wasn't good enough was more than just a feeling. It had become the filter through which I processed life." If we filter everything through not feeling good enough, we will never see victory. I guess I've never really realized the feeling of 'not being good enough' does filter everything in my life. It's like looking through rose colored glasses. No matter what we look at, everything will be a shade of rose. The green trees will be green but with a shade of rose. The blue sky will be blue with a shade of rose. So, if we look at everything through 'not good enough' lenses, there's no way we'll ever measure up. We'll never see full victory as it will be victory shaded with a little "not good enough".

Having a false perception of ourselves and God will inevitably cause us to run into a brick wall, unable to deny or avoid God and truth.

When Lysa found God with Jeremiah 29:11, she realized her "flawed perception of being identified by my circumstances."

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I'm specifically separating verses 12-13 from 11. I think too many times verse 11 gets all the fame and attention and verses 12-13 get left in the dust. Don't get me wrong as 29:11 is one of my life verses but the following two are so precious, not deserving of being overlooked.

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13

He tells us we will seek Him BUT we will find Him when we seek Him with ALL our heart. What value is it to seek Him if we don't find Him? So isn't it worth the effort to not just seek Him but to seek Him with all our heart, with our whole heart, with every breath, with every ounce of energy, with everything that exists in our soul?

As Lysa says, it "requires more than just the routine Christian good girl checklist: pray, read the Bible, do a Bible study, go to church, be nice, don't hold a grudge against boys who didn't ask you to couple skate in fifth grade."

Okay, her last one doesn't apply to all of us, just 832 of us.

Gotta love that Lysa and her sense of humor...a woman after my own heart with my own corny sense of humor (that if I must say so myself, brings me much joy to be corny in humor.)

Of these three sentences, one is so powerful to me. "I want my life with Jesus to be fulfilling. I want my beliefs to work no matter what life throws at me. I want to be so certain of God's presence that I never feel like I have to face anything in my own strength or rely on my own perspectives."

I do very much want fulfillment. I want certainty of God's presence. But my mind and heart kept reading and gravitating to the second: my beliefs to work...what life throws at me. As I type this, literally the first line grabs my heart more now. I so want my life with Jesus to be fulfilling. Odd how one sentenced grabbed me so tight last night and another is grabbing me today.

Wanting Jesus. But wanting "wanting Jesus" to be enough. Does anyone feel this? Does anyone struggle with this? Jesus is enough but "wanting Jesus" to be enough for me.

"How might our lives look if we were so filled with God's truth's we could let go of the pain of our past, not get tripped up by the troubles of today, or consumed by worries about tomorrow?" Woah...to be so filled that the pain escapes my heart and sets my mind free.

If you listen to Christian radio, you know Matthew West tells us about going through the motions. Lysa adds that just these good Bible study girl things "will not fill our souls. They must be done with great expectation and heart cry for God to lead us into a deeper and more life-changing connection with Him." [my emphasis]

We can't pray, study the Bible, and go to church for name sake. We can't do those things because we know we are suppose to or fearful if we don't. We must do them with a deep cry from our heart to God's heart to change us and draw us deeper.

"True fulfillment is never found in seeking to do enough, be enough, have enough, know enough, or accomplish enough." Enough is never enough. Enough is a pitfall...a never-ending pitfall. Striving to be enough of anything will never fulfill us. I've tried and I do believe I'm tired.

Lysa's prayer (and now mine too).
"God, I want to see You.
God, I want to hear You.
God, I want to know You.
So That I can follow hard after You every day."

I'm so glad I said yes to God and decided to read this book. To see what others have to say about this wonderful book and exciting adventure, go to Lelia's.

Seeking Him for my "enough",

Sowing and Doing for God

2009-09-24T08:46:00.009-04:00

Where to begin? As I was reading a devotional this morning that moved me to pieces, I felt the Lord saying "you have to tell your story". I had every intention of sharing this story with my small group. However, I felt a tug saying "No, share it with more. Write about it; write about Me." Oh, Lord in Heaven, what honor and privilege to write about YOU. Fighting back the tears, I am now writing, literally without a clue as to how this will be formulated.

Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness. Isaiah 30:8

Then they said to Jeremiah, "May the LORD be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the LORD your God sends you to tell us. Jeremiah 42:5

I've been involved in a small group from church for almost two years. I began sharing the responsibility of leading the study with our group leader last spring, knowing that she was leaving the group and I would take the reigns with another lady as co-leaders. In August I found out I would be leading solo. Whoa. Leading, coordinating host homes, organizing, solo. Whoa, Lord. I didn't sign up for that. I didn't sign on the dotted line for that. Surely my name was forged. Are You sure, Lord? Do you remember whom You are asking, here? Remember, me little ol' Paula. Did You maybe get my 'file' mixed up with someone else's? I was hoping to be able to sit back and listen without the responsibility of leading and preparing every other week. I was looking forward to the flexibility of not taking my turn on a week I didn't feel well. I wasn't looking for this responsibility and pressure. But, I trust You, Lord. You had to deal this card this way for a reason and I need to play it, for You. I think I need this accountability. I don't need an "escape clause". I need the discipline and to be held responsibility...to be moved out of my comfort zone and for God to transform my discomfort into a passionate desire.

I digress. So, last week at group we started a new study. It was our first meeting in three months since we broke for the summer. It was "my" group...it was God's group placed in "my" hands and "my" care. It was the first of many firsts. We had a small attendance of five and had the flexibility to get off track a little. The author was questioning herself and one of the things she was questioning was when was the last time she had led someone to Christ. In this list of questions she was proposing to herself, she asked if we could relate to any of them. There were about six or so and I could relate to a few of them, including this one. I admitted to the group, and now to the world, that I don't know that I've ever led anyone to Christ. Correct that...I said I've never led anyone in the sinner's prayer or shared the Roman's road. They piped in and said "oh no, you are a witness by how you live." I said, yes, I hope I am but that I feel guilty for never walking that Roman's road with someone and seeing him/her encounter and accept Jesus Christ.

We shared how we can plant many seeds just by our conversations with others and we are not to be the one that does it all: plant it, water it, tend it, and grow it. I confessed guilt over not planting more seeds in a more direct way pointing to God in my conversations. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

There is one lady I had on my mind that evening. Someone I enjoy very much and think of very highly. I expressed how she's been going through some stress at work and I wanted to share my faith in one of those plantings of seeds. Something as simple as praying for her and telling her so. When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. 1 Corinthians 15:37

Monday afternoon I emailed her expressing my heart and allowing God to do with my expression whatever He chooses.

"I have been praying for you. I’ve been asking God to cover you with peace and assurance and that you will have whatever you personally need to get through this glowing. I know you have been on edge and nervous about this. I have been praying all your nerves will be settled and you sail through this calm at heart."

On Tuesday afternoon, she said "I printed your email." With the stress, drama, and chaos of the day, I wasn't following what she meant and which email she meant as we exchange them regularly. The light bulb went off and I exclaimed "oh." She said she had it laying on the table with her the whole time. The expression on my face must've been 'deer in the headlights' because I couldn't believe it. I think I said, "really?" She continued to say she glanced at it and read it several times during the situation. She said it was very encouraging and she felt herself calm. It seemed to have meant a lot to her...more than I ever dreamed.

Are you serious? Get out of here? I couldn't have made that kind of impact with that small gesture. I'm still in 'shock' and surprised by it. It was just my heart. I had been praying for her. I did care for her state of mind and the calmness of her heart. Like I said, she is one great person and awesome at what she does.

What if I had not done that? What if I had not sent that email? What if that small act, that small seed didn't come to mind during group? Would it really have made a big difference to not do it? I think so. I may never know what that seed will form. [1 Cor. 15:37 above] But, I do know I followed what I believe to be God's quiet (very quiet) voice and His gentle nudging. I only pray He continues to keep my mind sharp and bright, open to more opportunities for some seed plantin'. Show me Lord where to sow Your seeds. Show me to sow.

Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well. Ecclesiastes 11:6.

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Corinthians 9:6

Yes, Lord, let us sow generously not for the goal of reaping generously for ourselves but that we would reap generously with eternal matters.

A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough. Galatians 5:9
A little faith. A little seed. A little sowing.

Do you have some seeds that need released? Do you have some sowing that needs to be done?

Picture is of my gorgeous petunias; one of the few annuals I buy.

The Dead Will Rise

2009-09-17T10:42:00.008-04:00

About a month ago I took my 117th trip to Lowe's since April (due to my new home). Granted Lowe's calls my name more due to the yard than the actual home. I've re-done every flower bed with new mulch and with every bed being edged with stones. Many trips to buy only manageable amounts loaded into my small SUV.

If you are like me, every trip to Lowe's means just a quick peak to peruse the garden center's flowers. Just a peak to see if there's anything new. Are ya with me? Is anyone hearing me on this?

Well on this 117th trip I was legitimately in the garden center getting more stones and mulch. I passed a clearance cart. Coreopsis. What? Why are those on sale? They look great, still green, and the buds hadn't bloomed yet. Being a perennial they were $4.98 instead of $6.98. I already had one and love it as it continually blooms with small brilliant yellow flowers. [They are still yellow in my front bed.]

So I purchased two. I planted one in the back where there was already a hole waiting to be filled. The other one resided on the front porch temporarily. I knew where I wanted it in the front bed, viewable from the street. I am really not sure why I moved so slowly to plant it. I was faithful to remember to water it on the porch in its original container. I was faithful. Until...we had many days of heat and no rain. And, I was busy pulling crabgrass (a weed) from the back yard, and planting grass seed. That required attention and water. Yet, my sweet little cory sat alone and unattended.

Opening the front door to finally water it, I found it crying to me "why did you let me die?" I stewed over it for awhile, mad at myself for letting it go. I thought that's five dollars. I just wasted five dollars. Five dollars, I tell ya. Yet, I'll use a coupon to get a dollar off an item. Oh well, lesson learned...don't buy until ready to plant. I was over it and accepted my waste.

Being that this week is compost (yard waste) pick up, I went to the front porch to retrieve my dead coreopsis. It was time to accept that cory had to go to the its new home and be recycled into compost. I was going to dump the whole thing, minus the container, into my yard bag. Imagine my surprise when I see little new sprouts at the base. Wow. I was awed. I was going to cut the tops so baby cory had room to grow and flourish. Wait. I have to photo this. Wait. I have to write about this. What? Bore my precious peeps with this? Yes, stay with me. You know I always have a point, even if long-winded

I had been working in the yard prior to this and I was searching for something to write--opening my mind to let God show me. I had something and began formulating it in my head. Soon after is when I found the dead rising. My original topic had escaped my memory.

As soon as I saw my plant I said (to myself, quietly) "and the dead will rise." This plant is much like our lives and our salvation experience. We die to our self, our old life, and then we rise in new life and new birth in Christ. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25-26 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:33

When this title came to me, I thought of what God can do with anything dead or dying. Immediately to mind was Christ raising Lazarus from the dead. I've referenced this miraculous event of Jesus' many times over the last two years. Jesus made it very apparent that He did not want to heal a sick man but wanted to raise a dead man. We know Christ had the power to do so and to also get to Lazarus sooner than four days. So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." John 11:14-15

Many things that are dead, or dying, He can raise and breathe life into:

♥ dead homes (families)

♥ dead relationships

♥ dead spirits

♥ dead ministries

♥ dead bodies

♥ dead opportunities

♥ dead jobs

♥ dead marriages

♥ dead hearts

♥ dead faith

He can resurrect the dead and bring life unimagined. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

Do you think that maybe the power, mentioned in Ephesians 3:20, is partly our believing, mentioned in John 11:40? There is much to be said about our believing or doubting. There is power in believing. There are many accounts of where those 'dying' with ailments rise with health and life because of faith and believing. For a refresher on some of those, read

Master's Touch, Our Faith.

Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well." Luke 17:19

All things are possible with God. Mark 10:27

That includes all resurrections being possible.

Nothing is truly dead with His power of life around the corner, is it?!

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Picture is of the dead Coreopsis rising.

Spilt Glow

2009-08-28T20:34:00.004-04:00

We've all heard of split milk. Well, what about spilt glow. That is, Orange Glow the cleaner. A couple weeks ago, I walked out of my house via the laundry room and into the garage. I heard a bang when I closed the door but thought nothing of it. I assumed something had fallen from the laundry shelf onto the washer or dryer. As I returned, I saw it was not just nothing. A bottle of Orange Glow cleaner had fallen but it landed in just the right spot as to break the neck. (Much like our fragile bodies landing just in the wrong place causing fatalities.) So, I picked it up. The solution had not yet run out of the bottle, too much. I disposed of the sprayer top and neck and placed the bottle on the dryer. When I got time, I'd just buy an empty squirt bottle and transfer the solution. Great idea, huh?

Fast forward a few days and I'm doing laundry and somehow, some way, at some time the bottle tips over and splashes all over the dryer. Great. Lovely. I "just happened" to have a hand towel on the dryer. What better thing to use to clean it up. Next thing I know, I'm wiping down the both the washer and dryer. You know how that dust likes to collect. How often do we clean the control panel of our clothing machines? But, mine now sure looks good. I took this towel with the good smelling orange glow on it and proceeded to the master bathroom. I wiped down my gunky countertop.

I pondered on this. Many times (too many times, right?) our milk gets spilt, life happens, disasters come, pain infuses. God tells us we will incur trials and to be prepared. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds. James 1:2 [emphasis mine]

Did you catch that? It says whenever, not if you face trials. And, it does not say when we face that one isolated trial over the span of our 80 years. No, it will be many trials and of different kinds. Financial, emotional, relational, physical. Game's on. Door's open. If we are breathing, we would be wise to expect trials and try as we might to embrace them. (Preaching to myself too.)

So, what do we do when our milk spills and we now have a mess? We scoop the milk into the cat's bowl. What do we do when our Orange Glow spills and we have a mess? We wipe down the washer and dryer and anything in sight dirty. What do we do when our life is a mess, our heart is breaking, and trials persist at every turn? We take heart...I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33 [emphasis mine]

We make the best of our spilt milk or spilt glow. We use what we can of the spilt and make the mess somehow, some way worth while. Use the spilt milk, use the spilt glow, use the time waiting, use the pain, use the trials. Stretch, grow, glow.

Spilling that orange glow and then just instantly beginning to clean the washer and dryer, seemed so logical and natural to me. I thought how I wished it was that easy in my waiting, my pain, my trials, my life. I wish I could pick up the pieces more eloquently, more gracefully, more gratefully. I wish I seemed more useful, effective, and purposeful with my time and life while on this path. Living with intent....hmmm.

I'm trying with all my might. I think. I hope...God only knows that. There's a hole in my heart and my human flesh and spirit want and try to fill that hole. Yet at the same time, I try to enhance and focus on the areas surrounding the hole. Making use of my life and the orange glow and milk that did not spill and escape the container. Inevitably with every spill of milk, or orange glow, there should be some liquid remaining in the container. There is still life in my life. There is still purpose in my life. There is still reason in my life. There is still opportunity to grow for Him, in Him, and with Him.

Thank You, Lord, for my spilling my Orange Glow. Thank You for showing me the need and necessity to use it all...what's left in the container and what's spilt on the dryer. You are using my whole life, my whole heart. You are the one to fill my hole and use my hole. Keep me focused on You and the life still remaining in my bottle.

I don't know what those reading this rambling of my heart are experiencing. May you gleam from my spilt glow. May you recognize the glow and milk still in your bottle. May God grant you the ability, power, and desire to use the split glow in your life.

Trying to Glow and Grow from my Spills,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
Enjoy the picture of stolen day lillies.
(Mine didn't look as good so I snapped a picture of my neighobor's...just a few feet from me.)

He Removed the Stump

2009-08-06T19:32:00.011-04:00

One of my biggest landscaping pet peeves is to have large bushes or trees in front of windows. Hate it! My realtor can vouch that the first thing out of my mouth upon seeing my house was "if I buy this house, those bushes are gone!" A flowering bush in front of a burning bush in front of one of only two windows. Not happening with this chic.

After snipping on the bushes for a couple weeks in April, I could take it no more. I cut the flowering bush to the ground. (The mini flowering balls stuck like pee. Eek!)

With so many landscaping projects, removing that stump was last on my list. Plus, I paid $17.94 for 'stump remover' and that was going to solve that problem. Consider that project checked off. Fast forward several months to July. A couple times over the last month, I would use my shovel to see what I could do in removing this horrid thing. No luck. What to do? What a wonderful time to have a strong and able man around the house. But this is not the case for now. This last Friday I wanted to finish my front flower bed by laying mulch. The kicker: I really wanted that stump removed before laying mulch.

With my shovel in tow, I began. Shove, push, jump, jab, stab. Okay. This isn't going so well. I get out my hand clippers and might as well get the limb clippers too. Oh, get the hand shovel while I'm at it--I never know when it's sharp point and scooping ability will come in handy. I was trying to be systematic so as to accomplish my goal. Remove dirt, clip a root. Remove more dirt, cut another root. Shovel, push, jab. Sweat. The sweat rolled down my face and into my eyes burning. Oh, this seems so hard. What am I going to do? It's too late to call a pro as I want it done now. I'm determined to do this and have it finished. It's so hot and I retreat for a quick break. A big sip of water and a moment on the porch step. I must continue. I have to follow through. I have to get this done. I began again cutting each root that I could see, knowing with each detached root I was one step closer to being stump-free.

But, this was just not working. I switched gears. I had to step it up. With ALL (and I mean all) my might, I jabbed the shovel hard into the hole around the edge of the stump. I continued this while taking two or three more breaks between gushes of energy. I knew I could not fully stop. I allowed myself breaks which gave much needed rejuvenation. Yet, I knew stopping for the day would deplete all my desire to finish. I felt this approach was working with the intermittent breaks but I was running out of strength and energy. On the last water break, low and behold, I asked God to "help me get this done." What a revelation, asking God. Yes! I returned to jab that shovel with my all. Jab. Jab. Jab. Jab. And I felt it. I felt it was loose. Attached by only one root. The end was near. The end was within my sight. It still took time to maneuver the shovel and get to the very bottom of the stump to clip that last root. Aha! It's done! The stump is free. My goal is complete. My desire is fulfilled. Thank You, Lord, thank You, thank You, thank You!

As I thought about this experience and considered penning it to praise God, I reflected on this being much like my feelings for my true heart's desire: marriage restoration. What a very difficult, painful, and extremely draining journey. Only a handful of friends have traveled this road ahead of me and with me. I can so easily see the correlation between the stump experience and my journey. Simply reading over my words, I could easily see how my words and feelings about my stump aligned with the journey of my heart's desire. The fatigue...the determination...the weariness...the doubts at times...the need for rest and rejuvenation. This is what I felt with my stump and feel with the call on my heart.

The stump:

1. I didn't want to give up.

2. I was weary and tired, exhausted.

3. I saw no results.

4. I wanted a plan.

5. The sweat and pain felt good in an odd way. *

6. I didn't want to do this alone.

7. I knew the benefit of "following through".

8. I was intermittently encouraged.

* There is nothing better than being soaked with sweat, jumping into the shower, getting clean, and putting on fresh jammies

My heart's desire:

1. I don't want to give up or stop believing.

2. I am weary, tired, and exhausted from this journey.

3. I see no evidence of my desire being fulfilled.

4. I want to know HIS plan.

5. Knowing He has a plan and is growing me feels good.

6. I don't want be on this path alone nor live life alone.

7. I know there is great reward to following Him and believing this call.

8. I am encouraged by those who walk this path with me or have gone before me.

What does God say about this?

1. Don't give up.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. Hebrews 10:36 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial. James 1:12

2. I will give you rest.

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

3. Keep believing without seeing.

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. John 20:29

4. I have a plan for you.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

5. Trust Me in the pain.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

6. You are not alone.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

7. I will reward your faith.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

8. Be encouraged. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.". John 16:33

Two scriptures that caught my attention while searching biblegateway.com.

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. Psalm 71:20

Then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Deuteronomy 30:3

Picture is of the stump.

I Remember

2009-07-27T15:27:00.002-04:00

I remember the smiles.
I remember the happiness.
I remember the awe.
I remember the elation.
I remember the overwhelming elation.

I remember the deep joy.
I remember the shared joy.
I remember the tears of joy.
I remember the joyful tears of ours.
I remember the joyful tears of others.

I remember the beauty.
I remember the love.
I remember the uniqueness.
I remember the oneness.
I remember the rarity.

I remember the divine intervention.
I remember presence of the Holy One.
I remember the holy union of three.
I remember the Lord's blessing.
I remember the impossible becoming possible.

I remember the unity.
I remember the united spirits.
I remember the unbreakable bond.
I remember the solid union.
I remember two joined as one.
I remember the Father's provision.

This was penned from my heart on April 16th in remembrance not only of one holy wedding day but also in remembrance of a path set in motion by the Almighty this day, July 27th, five years ago, when eyes met and souls joined unbeknownst fully to us. A divine appointment we called it. These words were written about the day of April 16th but also about the relationship between two children of God divinely united by Him. These words still describe the relationship, now broken.

For the relationship is still divinely joined by God. It is still characterized by its rarity, uniqueness, and beauty, of what it was and even more, what it could be. There is still extreme awe and elation over what God created in joining us and what He desires to still do. There is still hope for unity, love, and an unbreakable bond to be restored by the One who joined us in the beginning and designed us as one.

It is still...
two joined as one
the Lord's blessing
a union of two waiting for three

There is still...
the presence of the Holy One
divine intervention
the Father's provision
awe of Him

There is still...
tears

There is still...
the impossible becoming possible.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

I remember when we found this scripture preparing for that special day. It was an ah-ha moment knowing this is exactly what God had done in bringing us together and then joining us in a covenant that still stands. It was as if He wrote that verse just for us. And now, I still claim that verse for all areas of my life.

Please pray for me and beloved. We both desperately need it for different reasons.

Clinging to Him through it all,

Enjoy the unique breed of hosta from my new yard.

Releasing the Storms

2009-07-14T19:34:00.005-04:00

It's me, SweetPea Paula. Have you missed me in these nineteen days? I drafted a post last week with pen and would still like to share it but it's not of the genre I usually share here and I'm not sure how it would be received or even if any real interest would exist. I know it's been forever and a day since I've posted. I've searched the Father and asked Him for words, for something to share from Him through me. Nothing has come to me. I've not really had the time...okay, that's not totally true. But, I've not have the emotional desire, seems to be the simplest and concise reasoning.

So, since I've not felt God provide a rabbit to pull out of my heart--nothing spoken to my heart spontaneously--I went to my drafts. Drafts of posts I've started when I feel the Spirit speaking a sentence, a phrase, a paragraph, and sometimes only a title to me. I found a piece where I had sent an email to a dear friend. I pasted it into my drafts thinking at some point I would use it and transform it into a full post.

Instead, I've decided to post it as is. Again, because either God is not giving me the words to change it or I'm not giving Him the opportunity to speak to my heart and change them for me. My heart needs a boost and has been lacking that boost for some time.

I pray this can minister to you "as is." The recipient's name has been omitted and replaced with L. I don't know when this was written but the Memorial Day weekend referenced is 2008. So, this is about a year old.

L,
As I listen to the storm outside about to brew, I think of this storm of life you are painfully enduring. As Christians, I believe they are a part of our call in following God...storms, treacherous storms. My heart breaks for you and I have already lifted my petitions to the Father, the One and Only who can change this situation and transform your daughter's heart.

You are exactly right that it is only when WE let go, HE can begin to work. I believe it is at that point that we let go and we genuinely don't try to secretly crawl back up to the Cross and take it back. When we come to this point, as you stated you have, it is so liberating. That is exactly where the peace is.

Without sidetracking onto me, I indeed did experience this on Memorial Day weekend. As I type this I can see the "irony" of why my incident happened on that weekend, a weekend to remember the dead...for me, a time to release a dead relationship into the Hands of the Heavenly Father. I was totally freed. Ironically, it was through the very mean and so painful words of my beloved that I was able to say "I see, God. I understand now, God. You were waiting on me. I surrender. I let go." And indeed I have. I still have the emotional roller coaster. I still have the ups and downs. I still have the questions. I still have the wondering and waiting and what ifs. But there's something that is resting within my soul that says: "God's taking care of it. You just wait on Him."

Those are the words I give to you. God is taking care of it. You just wait on Him, L.

I too love the conversation you had with God. Doesn't it just change our whole perspective when we realize they are not ours...they are not our children, they are not our husbands, they are not our loved ones. Your God loves your daughter more than you ever could. What better Hands in which to trust her than the Precious Lord.

I'm sure the problems and issues with your daughter will not escape you immediately or soon. As it seems, many times, we must wait on the Lord. Often times, the problems with our loved ones is not just about them but also doing a work in us. The Lord will use this time not only to draw His daughter (your daughter) to Him but to also draw you (His daughter) even closer to Him and to prune you. Oh, the bitter sweet pruning of God. His pruning indeed is very painful but the end result is beautiful. Just as we prune our flowers and hate to see them be reduced to stubbles, in time, we see the bountiful beauty that blossoms.

I love you, my dear sweet friend.

Oh how I'm brought to tears reading this again. Selfishly, wishing, hoping, praying for that exhilarating feeling I had over a year ago after my revealing Memorial Day experience. That feeling of assurance. That feeling of calm. That feeling of peace. I remember how clear His voice was to me that day and in that revelation. What an awesome assurance to know clearly when we've heard the voice of the Almighty.

Unfortunately, I can say I still have those same ups and downs, roller coaster feelings and questions regarding this situation of my dead marriage. Still have the wondering, waiting, and what ifs. Still anxious of what's happening on the other side of my mountain, what God is doing, and how much longer until I get to see the view from the mountaintop...to see the result of His magnificent work waiting just on the other side of this painful mountain journey.

I do want to say that I hesitated and considered replacing the words "my beloved" with "another" to further protect. However, I feel it is important to know with whom the situation involved to show the huge gravity and thus making the revelation so much stronger. I do not include that reference to defame but for understanding. What I should've received as a devastating experience and negative conversation, God made into such a beautiful conversation with HIM. I have shared my own regretful amount of hurtful words so that statement in no way is of judgment.

My prayer for you is that this touches you in the depths of your spirit and in whatever situation you find yourself. May God's power be released in the midst of your storms as you release your storms to Him.

I'm no scientist but I've been told the eye of a storm is very calm. Can you imagine? Envision being there...the storm is brewing all around you, a terrible frightening tornado as we have in my parts, but the Lord is holding you in the eye of the storm. He is holding you ever so calm. His calmness radiates onto you. Chaos is all around you. The storm is devastating and destructive. Yet, it will not destroy you/me because we have the great Shelter from the storm. He does not say He will protect us from the effects of the storm but He will protect us from defeat and destruction. We may have downed power lines, houses destroyed, trees laying on cars, broken relationships, death, job losses, financial turmoil, but He won't let any of that defeat or destroy us.

As I read this post once more before publishing, I'm reflecting on that joyous feeling over a year ago. Praying for some of that calmness, assurance, and peace to return this beaten and weary soul still wondering what to do, what to think, what to feel about this hidden but hopeful joy over the mountain.

Releasing Unto Him,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

A Broken Heart...Over This?

2009-06-26T21:00:00.007-04:00

I scratched this in pen on Tuesday because I had to get my feelings out. I've not had time to type it and I'm a little scared. Scared that the wrong idea will be construed from it. Scared my heart will not be understood. Scared my thoughts will not be accurately shared. Scared my words won't be received the way they are intended, in love and concern, with much passion.

If you are here now, please stay with me to the end so you can capture the whole picture of what my heart has to say.

Here it is...my heart...open...raw...fragile for pain.

Why is my heart broken over this? Why is this constantly on my mind? Why am I so sad over this? Why is this such a heavy burden to me?

For the last month I have been praying. Praying for two I've never met. Praying for a man and woman I can't call friends. Praying for those across the country. I've been asking the Lord to not let it be so. Asking God to work a miracle for all to see. Asking the Almighty to do the mighty.

I've been watching as the world watches, gossips, and accuses. I've been watching for the Lord to do for another what I've asked Him to do for me. All signs right now say my requests have not been fulfilled yet.

Though my heart feared reality, it still clung to hope. Then my heart was crushed. I kept repeating in my head the words I read. "Initiated. Dissolve. Marriage. Ten Years." And their names in print (screen). There is something so reeling, so impacting to see it in print. I know each time I saw my name in print, it killed me all the more, bringing the reality home once again.

No, Lord, I cried. Please no Lord. At that point, my hope for this not to be true died. Yet, almost immediately a new hope came alive. This petition to dissolve something holy was just that. Only a petition. Petitions can be and are removed all the time. Just visit rejoiceministries.org. So this beautiful hope was renewed...a new hope and prayer. Lord, use this time to restore the union of one man and woman you bonded ten years ago. Lord, use this very public marriage to publicly display Your power to all. Lord, may You crush the enemy's efforts. He is the one who has lit the fire of dissolving this marriage, any marriage. We know that marriage is satan's number one target. So Lord, may You finish in a mighty way what satan started. Please Lord, turn his bad intention to forever destroy a family into a glorious reconciliation of a marriage that is stronger than ever imagined.

So, why is my heart still so deeply pained? Why on the evening of a terrible anniversary of mine did I lose it? Two years ago on June 22nd my life forever changed; my heart sent into shock. Yet, two years later, I "survive" this date. Until. Until 11:00 pm when crawling into bed, I began sobbing uncontrollably. As I lay there I felt like I'd never fall asleep. I got up to get some medicine to aid my sleeping yet I couldn't control my tears. I still can't explain the deep sobbing. I believe a combination of the significant date, hearing the devastating news of this public marriage, and all this happening the same day.

Why is this weighing so heavy on me? It has affected me as though it's happening to a close friend. It has affected me as though it happened to me, again! There are so many similarities with them and us except for the eight kids, the tv show, and the rumors/possibilities of affairs. I can see me in her (disrespectful words) and I can see my beloved in him (emotional effect of that).

Rumors are rumors. Tabloids are tabloids. Details are details. And, they all really don't matter. Pointing and blaming don't matter. Personally, I believe this marriage, like so many, succumbed to the breakdown of communication. Communication is key to any relationship, especially a marriage. It is vital. And a failed marriage because of bad communication seems so senseless. (I don't mean to imply bad communication alone simply causes a divorce but it begins the cycle of the hard feelings, lack of "feeling" love, lack of Ephesians 5, etc.)

Who am I to be an expert on what has happened in this public marriage? Am I just adding to this by bringing it up? I hope not. I don't believe so. Rather, this is an opportunity, I suspect, for God to use what I've endured to possibly share with others. I have become so sensitive to the issue of marriage and the "d" word. I do not judge or condemn anyone who has divorced. Rather, I seeing it as God sees it: to hate divorce and to honor marriage.

I hate divorce, says the Lord. Malachi 2:16
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Any failed marriage can be healed. I believe mine can be. I believe the G's can be. I believe yours can be.

I know many have blasted K for her disrespectful words and actions toward J. No, they weren't lovely. Yes, they were hurtful. Yet. Yet. As I hesitate to pen this, as satan probably doesn't want me to share this, but I pen this for His glory. As I said previously, I saw me in her and beloved in him. I had that same disrespectful tongue and that same "attitude" that caused such ugly words. Oh, the ugly words I regret. And then, I saw a change in K. A realization of the behavior brought to light. Just like in me. I also heard her desire to not travel this road. Just like me. I heard in J a desire and excitement of the seemingly free road ahead. Just like my beloved. I understand how these ugly words and actions can affect husbands and any man.

I know all too well exactly how she felt as it seemed she spoke straight from my heart: "I'm tired of smiling on the outside when I'm crying on the inside." Then she shared how she just can't remove her wedding ring. Of course, the media had to take notice that she still had it on. Just like society...to believe we must comply to what is socially acceptable. Husband leaves and files and we are to remove our rings. Well, sweet one, I too know how this feels. I wore my rings for five months all through the separation. I continued to wear them for two weeks after the law said we were no longer married. I still was not really ready but felt pressured by what others thought, saying I was in denial. My heart would probably still wear my rings two years later if it weren't for having to explain myself and feel looked down upon. I too understand the shock of lawyers being involved. I understand it all. I'm not an expert but boy how I believe K and I could relate.

Yet, none of these hurts of husband or wife are beyond the healing of God and His power. Words of no hatred existing, they said. Yet, does that really mean a lack of love? Love is a choice. Harsh words, and many things, can cause us to not "feel" love and that is understandable. One does not feel loved or feel like loving in such situations. However, if we resolve to do love, we will feel love. We do love in action and the feelings will follow.

A fork in the road was mentioned by this sweet couple. We hear it often--we've come to a fork in the road and have to decide. Yes, we do have to decide: to move forward on one of the paths in the fork or stand still at the fork not moving (which is not always bad). The great thing is, if we choose the wrong path at the fork, our Heavenly Father will lovingly guide us back. Not only will He guide us back, but He'll make use of our time on the "wrong" path--on the path we chose, most likely chosen for ease or less pain. Isn't that what our flesh wants most often, the path of least pain and most ease? But, is that path really the most beneficial even though easier and less painful? There is so much to be gained from choosing the hard road and seeing God be faithful to use it for our best, for something we cannot even imagine in our feeble human minds.

Please know this post is not about me jumping on the band wagon and piping in "along with everyone". Rather, it is my heart, breaking ever so deeply and genuinely. It is my passion for marriages and to see them saved. It is my deep belief in knowing the power of God to not only restore marriages but make them stronger and better than imagined. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

May I never be seen as a dog with a bone but a soul with a heart and a heart with a passion.

Three nights later and I still found myself tearing up at a clip on tv regarding this precious couple. There are so many couples who are hurting. If you are married and there is even the slightest sign of trouble, please seek help. If your spouse has divorced you and wants nothing to do with you, seek the Lord. I believe He will honor your plea to restore your marriage. Why? Because we are to honor marriage...that means of all people, God, will honor marriage. Will He not honor your plea and restore your marriage, in His time and His way?

Please call upon His mighty name and power to heal the hurting marriages and to resurrect the dead marriages. It's never too late with God. I regularly pray for many marriages along with my own. I even pray for marriages who don't ask for prayer and aren't wanting restoration. I guess one can say I pray and believe when others can't stretch far enough to reach for that hope and belief.

Listen to what our beloved Beth Moore says. "Feelings can be a little like our laundry. Sometimes we can't sort them until we dump them on the table." [pg. 53, A Heart Like His study] That may or may not relate fully to this post. However, reading it yesterday morning, I felt pressed to include it here.

Brokenhearted But Believing,

The picture is an asiatic lilly from my new yard.

"I Know How You Feel"

2009-06-16T11:18:00.006-04:00

Well, here's the first Tuesday with no online Bible study. I'm taking a break this summer from participating in sweet Lelia's online study. They are starting Embrace Grace by Liz Curtis Higgs on June 23rd if you'd like to join.

Instead, I'm using this time to do some catch-up leisure reading...reading some books I won a looonnngg time ago and others I received.

Saturday, June 6th, I was perusing my local Traderbaker's (indoor flea market/yard sale thingy) looking desperately for a "red" wagon. I'm having NO luck. It doesn't even have to be red nor the original Radio Flyer one. I just want it for doing yard work. At any rate, I came across the Beth Moore study A Heart Like His for...get this...five dollars. Count them....f.i.v.e. five dolla (no misspell there). Can you believe I actually contemplated not getting it? I continued the aisles for my seemingly hopeless search of one old, beat up, wagon. I came back and thankfully obeyed the spirit moving in me to buy it.

Can I say it has been a blessed and wonderful week? Now don't get me wrong, Beth, David, and the study are fabulous. But, more than that, I love what it is doing in me. I'm getting up earlier and have about 25 minutes instead of 10 minutes of Bible reading. I love the aid of studying sweet David as I have long desired to know him better. I've long desired to know this one man who is referenced by God as "a man after My own heart." Oh, to be called a woman after God's own heart by God Himself.

So, I'm just loving this. Nothing against strict Bible reading but this has stirred in me something wonderful. It's given me the help I needed to really want to learn more about these O.T. peeps. Even though this study didn't start in the earlier chapters of 1 Samuel, it peaked my interest to further study those chapters and learn more details about the "odd" anointing of Saul and the beginning of his reign as king.

A friend also leant me the accompanying reading book several months back so I look forward to finishing my current evening reading so I can begin reading this book that goes with the study.

Not that I didn't enjoy my time with God and reading strictly from His word, but I wake so excited to do this study. Okay, I lie. So I don't wake excited. I hit the alarm still too many times asking do I HAVE to get up and go to work? But after that, I look forward to it.

Okay, I see when I have no real topic at hand, no huge divine word from God, I ramble.

So, let me get to the word God said to me ever so clearly this morning. Though I fail at times, I try to use many of the opportunities in the morning to pray, specifically while I'm in the shower and while I'm drying my hair.

So as I sat at my vanity, listening as always to my K-love station, "One Life to Love" by 33 Miles started playing. In the last month or so, that song has really been getting to me as I "fear" time will run out and not allow certain things to be shared and spoken between two people. I desire so bad for the frailty of life to be seen and that this is our (human race) one chance and also "our" one chance to love as God says to love and then follow God in His plans. [Vague but many should understand what I'm saying.]

So, I said this to God: "I'm tired of loving someone who doesn't love me, who rejects me."

And God whispered: "I know how you feel."

Wow...He does know how I feel multiplied by thousands, millions, trillions.
How many reject Him? How many does He love who don't love Him? How many times does He send out His love for it not to be returned?

That's about all I got from Him in that moment. No promise for my rejection to end. No promise of when love will be returned to me. No promise of my weariness of this path to subside.

Just His understanding of knowing how it feels to be rejected and to not be loved in return.

Oh how my heart hurts even more for my beloved. Oh how my heart still feels confused. Oh how my heart still cries out Why? When? How long, Lord?

For now, I must rest in His understanding and His love.

Trusting His Guidance for my path,

P.S. Please pray for me over the next couple weeks. I have no idea how I will feel with the two-year anniversary of June 22nd...when my life forever changed with a broken heart that still is in shock at times. When I walk in the door with no hug greeting me. When I want to pick up the phone to share something fabulous. When I'm awestruck by God and want to relay that. When I see something enojoyed by both. When I buy myself a shirt and think "he would like this." When I paint my toes for crying out loud, I remember the comments.

Courageous Living

2009-06-09T13:44:00.005-04:00

The last chapter. The last week. But not the last lesson. Our lessons are never ending in this walk of faith. Come with me, as we explore chapter twelve, "Living with Courage".

Micca opens with reminiscence of the Wizard of Oz friends traveling the yellow brick road in search of things which, unbeknownst to them, they already possess: brain, heart, courage.
It's only through the journey, seeking what we desire to possess, that we learn we have that which we desire. The scarecrow had a brilliant mind. The tin man had a loving heart. The lion had a courageous soul.

"Do we see ourselves as we really are--equipped and able to face life with wisdom, love, and courage?" My immediate thought to the first eight words is, no. I don't see myself as I am. It goes back to the low self-esteem I believe. All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"We have what we need to succeed." And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8

When I hear the word wisdom, I always think of the book of wisdom in the Bible: Proverbs. One of my daily devotions is going through the Seven Pillars of wisdom. The author says that any church/pastor who doesn't urge believers to read through Proverbs is doing a disservice to their/his sheep.

How do we gain wisdom? Through experience and making decisions based on experience. James tells us also how to gain it. If we lack wisdom, we can ask God, who generously provides. James 1:5 More than wisdom, I desire discernment. I don't want to simply make wise decisions, but rather desire to determine God's will, God's best, God's plan in my life. Therefore give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people that I may discern between good and evil. 1 Kings 3:9

Sometimes, wisdom only comes through waiting. Waiting can sometimes be wrongly associated with passivity and inactivity. Instead, waiting should always be accompanied with seeking...seeking after God's direction with obedience in each step. "Until we have peace, we shouldn't move in any direction." That's great advice and not foreign to me. I've heard it many times previously. I wait for you, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God. Psalm 38:15

"You and I don't have to be listed in Who's Who to know what's what. All we have to do is ask God. Our first step toward bravery is to meditate on the knowledge of God."

Have a heart. Do it with heart. Play with heart. So much of what we do involves our heart. To be passionate and passionately involved. Sacrifice of self. Loving others, loving others above ourselves. Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 19:19 That's a tall order. A tough call to answer. None the less, we are not asked but commanded to do so. It can be overwhelming when we consider "who" is our neighbor. Everyone. Anyone in need. This task can cause insufficiencies to shine in the spotlight. Yet, "we can turn inadequacy into victory by using our heart. Through this process courage proves we can 'do all things through Him who give me strength.' " Philippians 4:13.

"Heart gives us the courage to do extraordinary things with our ordinary lives, things that we never dreamed possible." I love this prayer of Micca's: "Lord, break my heart with the things that break Yours." As with the lion in Oz, Micca believed "I could do anything if I only had the nerve." These thoughts that we all have are somewhat contradictory because in the most scary situations, nerves (in the good sense) don't exist.

How do we face our fears with courage? How do we have courage when stiffened by fear? "Courage is not the absence of fear as you might think. Rather, it withstands fear. Courage means being brave in spite of fear or hard circumstances. In other words, you and I have to experience fear in order to be courageous." [my emphasis] Have you ever pondered that? I never thought it about it like that. We can relate it also to the idea that we can't acquire the character of patience without being in some trying times of having to wait. Some joke and say don't ever ask God for patience because He'll give you trials and make you wait. Maybe. But if we're going to have to endure, we might has well do it with the peace of patience.

When we realize God can do so much with so little, we'll be freed from our fears, nervousness, and inadequacies. If we give Him our heart and commit to be courageous, the world of opportunities will be vast. I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. Psalm 118:17

"We find our faith by doing it afraid." Read that again. Let it soak. "When one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear. Knowing what must be done does away with fear." Wow. That is so true yet I never verbalized it that way. When we are determined to be obedient and to follow God's call specifically for us, the fear fades because we know we are safe on His path and will be equipped with what we need.

"It's funny how fear always brings us back to faith." How very true. As a believer and follower of Christ, it is Him to whom we run (hopefully) when we are scared and consumed with fear. I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Micca described her fear and terror of speaking at her first large church. She shared with her audience that night about becoming guardians to her teen nephew. She spoke of us all being orphans until we are adopted into God's family. Six girls from a girls home were there. Several people that night gave their lives to Christ, including three girls from the home. "I was humbled as I watched what God had done not just through me but in me."

I love to hear what others hear from God. This whisper in Micca's ear is no exception. It absolutely warms me to the depth of my heart. Listen. "My sweet child, I didn't need a big-name speaker to speak to this audience tonight, because I-Am-Big-Enough."

He doesn't need a big name anything....artist, writer, cook, teacher, speaker. He doesn't need a perfect-over-the-top mother, friend, cook, servant, housekeeper, daughter, wife. He only needs a willing and obedient servant. Got it girlfriend...He doesn't need you to be over-the-top in what you do or who you are. Just be obedient and serve Him, my friend.

Willing...At All Costs for Him,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.

Abiding in His Presence

2009-06-02T16:08:00.010-04:00

Has it really been three months that Micca Campbell and God have been speaking to us about our hearts and His desire for our hearts to be untroubled? Yes, we are on chapter 11, "Practicing His Presence" of An Untroubled Heart.

Practicing His Presence. That's harder than it sounds, I believe, for most of us. Practicing His presence and living free from fear comes from fellowship with God. Fellowship means time. T.I.M.E. Isn't that one of our biggest complaints...not enough time to do all we need to do. How much, however, is it that we need to do and we just want to do. Maybe it's a matter of examining our priorities. I know it is for me.

Created BY God FOR God. I just love that. I love how the words flow. I love how it gives purpose. If ever we question our existence and purpose, we can find it in those five words.

God is no different than any other person. Hold on. Stay with me. He is no different in that He desires our time. Just as we must invest time in any relationship, we must do the same with our relationship with God. Actually, our relationship with God requires more time than other relationships. The more we commune with God, the more we know Him personally and intimately, the better our entire life will be.

Have you ever wondered that the things that make our lives more convenient make our time with God less convenient? We have instant messages, voice mail, cell phones now with cameras, text, and internet applications. These are wonderful gadgets that require less time (instant information) yet they take more time...time away from God. We can be consumed by continual email checking, continual texting, continual web surfing. "If you and I were made to fellowship with God and we don't take the time to do so, our lives suddenly become downright unpleasant and filled with anxiety."

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. John 15:4 Webster's defines abide as: to endure without yielding, to bear patiently, to accept without objection,to remain stable or fixed in a state.

"Have you ever experienced God's presence at church or during prayer in such a way that you want to stay and not leave?" Oh my, yes. So many times in church during worship music. I have even said to myself and God, "Please keep me here. Keep this song going." Recently, I've felt His presence so strong when watching a certain youtube video. I've watched it over and over to capture that indescribable feeling. (I'll post it on my sidebar soon.) Since we obviously can't stay in those specific moments, we must learn to abide in His presence always so as to always have "that" feeling, His presence, with us. "Abiding is not about doing more. Abiding is about seeking God for as long as it takes for us to connect with Him." [my emphasis]

"Is it possible to live a life where we are in constant contact with God all day long? It was for Jesus. So it must be possible for us too. Actually, it's a necessity if we are going to be successful at fearless living." [my emphasis] I find it no coincidence that Jesus Himself encountered distractions and interruptions. Yet, Jesus knew when interruptions were not interruptions but divine assignments. Very often Christ stopped what He was doing to give healing, give sight, and give freedom from sin. As with Micca, I too wonder, "how did Christ know the difference between distraction and divine appointment with God?"

So, if Jesus had the same issues with distractions and interruptions, what was His magical secret? Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed. Mark 1:35 I've heard it said many times and many ways that the time of day we spend with God doesn't matter just as long as we spend time with Him. Some have said yes, we need to start the day. Some have said, no, any time that is the best time for us. I still agree that any time is fine. Yet, I also see the value and the biblical statements of rising in the morn and being with God first thing. We are to give Him our firsts--first fruits, first 10%, first place in our hearts. What makes the time of day any different and deemed not necessary to be first?

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.
The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back. Isaiah 50:4-5 Beth Moore shared this scripture during her 2008 Simulcast. She told us when we read "I have not drawn back" to think of not drawing back our bed covers but getting out of bed and being with God.

"Jesus' time with God wasn't something He tacked on to an overcrowded schedule. It was His highest priority...And He stayed as long as it took to connect with God. This is precisely where we so often miss out." In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3

Our time with God is not just quantity but quality. That is, it should be fruitful. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:5 "If we stay in prayer long enough, God's presence shows up, and the benefits are extraordinary." Such as: Guards against temptation. Fills with fruits. Refreshes our spirit. Smooths away fears. Fellowship with God. Opportunity to witness. Reveals His plan. Empowers for living.

"When you and I choose to begin our day at the feet of Jesus, we will be more conscious of His presence through the day." But I cry to you for help, O LORD; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Psalm 88:13 When we go to the Lord, we must go with petition and expectation. Expecting Him to answer. Confidently believing. Strongly hoping. "We should anticipate great things from our great God."

"He may seem slow at responding, but His answers are always right on time." What makes the waiting bearable? One thing is peace. Is not anything endurable when we have peace? "Peace is a state of tranquility or quiet amidst anxious thoughts and emotions." Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 "It's [peace] contentment in knowing that no matter what happens, we are in the care of the Almighty."

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3 I want to keep in perfect peace. I don't know if it's as Micca says or maybe I've just not experienced it as she says. "Peace is not something that should come and go. No, it should govern our lives. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we will encounter circumstances that are beyond our control. As long as we try to remain in control, peace is absent. When we simply remain connected to our source, God's peace is available at every turn. Once our peace is secured, the things that worried us will become small, and we'll be able to rest in God's care, free from torment."

I want that 100% of the time. Maybe I have overall peace but it can be questioned in some situations. I've always been told and believe that God also uses the absence of peace to speak to us. That uneasy feeling. That doubt of something. That slight hesitancy. It's a fine line. It takes discernment. Those could be satan's lies but they could also be God's warnings: don't attend that, don't send this, don't say that, don't go there, don't stay here.

"The greatest reward of abiding is having more of God." To have more we must spend more time in His presence. Have more--spend more. We do it with money. We must do it with God.

Let's commit and make it priority to be in His presence and not in His shadow.

Abiding in Him,

Love Like None Other

2009-05-27T11:39:00.008-04:00

Where has the time gone? We are on the third to the last chapter of An Untroubled Heart. Chapter 10 is "Love of a Father".

What greater display of human love than the disciplinary moment Micca described between her three year old son and her husband Pat. Mitch was angry, hurt, scared and yelled "you're not my dad." I can imagine Pat's hurt as he did not biologically parent Mitch. Yet, Pat responded with such love and grace. "You can hate me if you want, but I will always love you. You're my son. I will never leave you." He mimicked the words of our Heavenly Father. Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5b "A true dad also cares enough to discipline his son." That is exactly what Pat was doing with Mitch. That is exactly what God does with us. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son." Hebrews 12:5-6

Micca reaffirms that we should "be confident that nothing can snatch us away from Him [God]." For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39 Not death. Not life. Not angels. Not demons. Not present. Not future. Not powers. Not height. Not depth. Not anything.

I don't struggle so much with this but rather fighting to not base His love on what He does. My heart and flesh try to measure His love by how He answers my godly desires. I know He loves me despite my sins and mistakes; however, I can still feel shameful that those actions disappointed Him at one time.

"We let our affection for God grow dim when we experience unexpected troubles or sorrows." Guilty. g.u.i.l.t.y. Write it across my forehead. Put a letter G on my chest. That is me. I am. Hand raised. Head nodding.

I have adamantly expressed that I believe whole heartedly the Christian life is characterized by trials. We are never "free" of them. None of us are exempt. Christ Himself suffered trials and temptations and burdens. There is scripture after scripture after scripture to substantiate this.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.
1 Thessalonians 3:3
So that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them.
James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
1 Peter 1:6
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
2 Thessalonians 1:4
Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.

Despite this, we can still surmise that during those times God has taken His hand off us and we question His love. We doubt His concern for us. We doubt His involvement in the details. We doubt His presence in our lives. Yet..."God, and what He allows into our lives, is motivated by one thing: love." Grasp that. I must. I must stop and believe that He's allowed the worst pain in the depths of my heart and soul because of His love. Love for me. That is His only motivation. That does bring me comfort in the oddest of ways because I know He would only allow this if He could and will make good from it.

Through each hurdle, each stride, each triumph, God is shaping my character. He is strengthening my faith. His goal is a transformed heart. A transformed life. A transformed character. I believe in that. I trust in that when I continue to ask: Why God? When God? How long God? I know each moment, each day, each trial, each hurdle, He is transforming me into His likeness. He is using my brokenness and transforming it into His beauty.

"But broken is always the right place to be when we're reaching out for Christ's love and forgiveness." Let me be broken if it means enveloping His love, like none other.

Soaking up the Father's Love,

Fear: Good vs Bad, Right vs Wrong

2009-05-19T09:20:00.010-04:00

I do believe this is the shortest post I've written about our study on An Untroubled Heart. I'm not quit sure why I have the least to say about this topic. Well, I guess technically, the shortest post was for chapter five as I mentioned here why I didn't write the first word on it. So, chapter five is the winner. Yay! You better drink fast because it won't take you a whole cup of coffee as you read this one.

Healthy fear can motivate us to respecting, obeying and doing right. "To have godly fear means to revere and hold God in awe, not offending Him with sin. Reverential fear is a noble and healthy fear of God's greatness and holiness. It's a type of fear that respects the Lord and His ways much like the fear that alerts us to respect danger." Offending Him...that word strikes me differently today. Sinning is something we do wrong. Something that we should not do. But to think of sinning as an offense to God. Wow. To know that something I do would offend God. It puts sin in a new perspective. To know it's not just something we shouldn't do and something that is wrong, but rather even deeper, it is something that offends the Almighty One. Nope. I sure don't want to offend the Father. I'm not sure why I'm seeing this word in a new light...sin in a new light....a new perspective of the gravity of sin.

Healthy fear works for us and leads to freedom. Unhealthy fear works against us and leads to bondage and confinement. For now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son from Me. Genesis 22:12 Abraham...the father of faith...the father of trust...the father of obedience. What an awesome example. As mentioned previously here, he is one of my faves. I'd put him in my fave fives.

God didn't want to take Isaac. He wanted to give Abraham the freedom of a fully surrendered heart and life. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145:19 Just as Abraham respected and revered God the Father, so did Isaac revere his father, Abraham. It's so apparent that not only was Abraham an obedient child of God but he also instilled that into his own child. There's no better desire than to exemplify the same godly fear that Abraham and Isaac showed.

When we fear God, we respect God.

When we fear God, we honor God.

When we fear God, we obey God.

"We show honor to God by displaying reverential esteem for others." I admit I've too many a time acted the exact opposite. Unfortunately I did not realize, as I was disrespecting my beloved, greater than that, I was hugely disrespecting my God. A much bigger offense!!

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding. Psalm 111:10 I now see during that time I had lost my reverential fear of God. I had blinded myself to His love. I couldn't see how the sin of my tongue and actions was an affront against God.

Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Revelations 3:19

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. Proverbs 3:7 "When we depart from evil, He is always willing to receive us no matter how far we have roamed."

Thank God for that!!

Fearing and Revering God,

Living in the Great Unknown

2009-05-13T11:17:00.006-04:00

The title of chapter eight in An Untroubled Heart, says it all: "Overcoming Fear of the Unknown". Do we not all dislike not knowing and the natural fear that comes which we must overcome?

No uncertainties will be guaranteed. But, certainty of God's provision will be guaranteed.

Many a time--too many a time--my only company while waiting has been worry. To express worry with another makes it seem less valid--less worthy of my time. So, that should drive me to share my worries so as to see how futile they are...but I don't.

Micca shares her worry over death since losing her first husband at a young age of 21. She shared in details of her 21 year old son's recent car accident. The words of the attending officer really exemplified how fortunate Mitch was to be alive, let alone not injured. The only guardrail in miles had saved his life and his car from veering over the cliff. (The guardrail and of course God too.) For all of Mitch's life, Micca was terrified of the mere possibility of her son dying. Here's the kicker: the date of Mitch's accident is the date his biological father (Micca's first husband) died in his tragic burn accident. It was exactly as if God was saying "don't fear my child. I have saved your son." On the date a 21 year old father died, that same date, a 21 year old son was miraculously saved from death. Holy bumps!!

"The only power you and I have over any fear is to place it in God's care."

"We must trust God's plan. Regardless of our spooks, God's plan alone stands firm and true." But what if we see the free will of another person directly change His plans? I've never struggled more with God's plan, God's will, than I have since I've seen Him allow another's free will to take full course.

I love what Pastor and Bible teacher David Jeremiah says about worry. "It comes from the Greek word which means to have a divided mind. So, to be a worrier is to have your mind divided between legitimate thoughts and thoughts that are not legitimate--thoughts which you shouldn't be thinking. Worry is future-focused. The person who worries has two problems: the future is not here, and the future is not his." Enough said, huh?

God will guide the way. God will make a way...where there seems to be no way.

God-focused not event-focused.

"Like the Israelites, we are sometimes called to move forward without detailed instructions." You mean I was to get instructions, even with details? I feel lucky if I get instructions. Mostly I feel l'm flying by the seat of my pants in regards to this blind journey of faith in restoration.

"If we will fall on our face before His throne in total weakness and cry out, He will strengthen and lead us." [my emphasis] Total weakness = supernatural strength.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Much of God's Word is so deep. It may seem like riddles to the passer bys, to the one who skims it quickly. Maybe He does talk in riddles but they are so beautiful, rich, and ever so deep. Ponder these three (paraphrases):
♥to die is to live (Philippians 1:20)
♥those who are last will be first (Matthew 19:30)
♥whoever loose his life finds it (Matthew 10:39)

"Yielding to God's will means that when we come face-to-face with a problem we've never encountered before, we can maintain our peace and actually look forward to the next step God has for us." Look forward? I can honestly say I do because I just want to be out of this phase, this season. Aren't trials only suppose to last for a season? How long is a season? I do look forward to more learning and growing in this time solely alone with God. And, I can look forward to post restoration. Unfortunately, I cannot speak with such excitement as the professional football player did. "When asked why he wasn't saddened by the accident, he explained that since God allowed his football career to come to an end, a new adventure must be awaiting him." I never thought about it but God did allow my marriage to be dissolved. He did/does not condone, desire, or will it but He allowed it. Honestly, I struggle with that. I can see the reasons for temporary separation. I can see the gains. But...but...it's still hard to swallow that He allowed a Christian man to divorce a Christian woman with the covenant still in tact. It's like a right brain-left brain war. There are things that excite me on this new adventure. Things that sadden me. Things that should be shared. Things deeply longed to be shared (both specifically with him.)

"We don't have to struggle to live for God. We simply have to let go and allow God to live His life through us." Wow. Though we as Christians do struggle and live a life full of trials, we need not struggle to live for Him. It shouldn't be a struggle. I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20

"Either our thoughts can take us captive, or we can take them captive." If we are God-focused, we can take our thoughts captive. If we are circumstance-focused, our thoughts can take us captive. Let's not live in captivity unless it's being held captive by Christ. Live in Christ...live in freedom.

Do I trust in what I see or in Whom I know? David didn't trust in the huge Goliath before him. His faith went much deeper, allowing him to recall God's past provisions and total worthiness of David's trust. Trusting in God "always leads to a greater confidence in God." Have you ever pondered that David gathered five stones (still seemingly not enough in my mind) yet he only used one. This further shows God's provision.

"In order to take captive the lies of the enemy, you and I must know our God." [my emphasis] Amen! Satan is sly and will even twist God's Word, His Truth, to seem true.

Micca quotes Anne Graham Lotz saying: "God has used pressures and pain and problems in my life as the nails that have penned me to the cross. By submitting to Him in those things, I have entered into an experience of death to myself." Each death should bring us closer to God. So if that is the case, then let me ask for more deaths because I want to be as close as possible to the Almighty One and His Son.

Wanting to Live Free-er,

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved.
I know the grammatically correct term is more free but it just didn't flow right as my closing.

When the Worst Happens

2009-05-05T15:41:00.005-04:00

This chapter seven, "What's the Worst that Could Happen?", stirred a variety of emotions. Of course, I always love to talk me some Noah and Abraham, and Micca starts us off with Noah. Love me some Noah, for sure. [Side note: if you've not seen Adam Almighty, you must. I have never left a theater feeling the presence of the Lord and feeling worship in my soul like I did that movie.]

"He [Noah] was a man of faith and it showed in his works...his lifestyle of faith gave credibility to his message." I want to be sure my message is credible because of a lifestyle of faith too. What could my faith do in the lives of others? What could your faith do in the lives of others? The possibilities of impact are unending.

I'll say it again...I love the story of Noah. He ranks up there with my admiration of Abraham. They both had blind faith. They both had unwavering faith. They had faith without any doubt even though their flesh and the world would've said: This is crazy. You are crazy. This is impossible. (I feel in the depths of the hearts of others--close to me even--they too say this about me and my belief/hope for restoration.) Whether speaking of Abraham's only son Isaac and his willingness to sacrifice him or of Noah building an ark for rain that had never been seen, they exemplify unwavering, undoubting faith...pure and genuine faith in the rawest form.

Something Abraham didn't really experience but Noah did was mockery, judgment, and ridicule. "Nothings says 'weird' like a man on a huge boat shouting 'flood!' on a bright, sunny day, hundreds of miles from any large body of water." ☺ Yet, yet, Noah still believed. Above his fears, above his flesh, he stood strong in his faith in God. He trusted this command from God that He would be his provision and boy was He. I cannot imagine being Noah and seeing the entire world destroyed--no longer as he knew it. Even with all the destruction, He is still God. God is God. Through it all, He reigns. Still on His throne. Unchanged. Unshaken. Unsurprised. "His goodness and mercy have gone ahead of us to secure our future." He definitely went ahead of Noah, huh? We must have faith He's gone ahead of us also.

Remember, how we discussed Goodness and Mercy as God's bodyguards for us? Click here to refresh your mind. "Whatever the outcome determined by humans or nature, God's plan alone will stand." His plan alone. Alone. Nothing else. I have to admit that I struggle with that right now. I guess without knowing and seeing His full purpose and plan, it seems like the choices of others have prevailed. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 It can be a back and forth struggle within my mind. (Thank God right now that you are spared from entering the doors of my mind. ☺) I know He's sovereign and in control. Yet, He allows free will. Yet, He can sway and woo His children to heed His call. Yet, sin happens. Yet, choices not of God are made. Yet, God can and will make good out of those poor decisions (ours and others) for our good. Yet, yet, yet. See the pendulum? See the back and forth? See the frazzled brain in my head? However, I could easily counsel, encourage, and show God's hand and reasoning in someone else's life circumstance. I can summize all the good God is doing in another's tragedy. I can encourage the plan and purpose outside my box but within it, it's so hard to judge so close to home. Make sense? I do see His good from my pain but I can't see the full picture, the full plan, the full purpose. Thus the confusion and battle of my mind.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair. 2 Corithians 4:8 Perplexed but not crushed. Perplexed? Me? You think?

What's the worst thing that can happen? In a weird sense I totally understood Micca's feelings at the loss of her husband, Porter. Mine was not by death but still a massive loss indeed. "I thought nothing else could be worse than the pain and fear that surrounded me during those dark days. I ached inside. I felt so lost, empty, and alone." Like Micca, I too, played the "what if", "only if", "if only" games. Early in the beginning days of my pain, I too had visions like Micca. I heard my name whispered in the middle of the night with a vision of my beloved standing by the bed. On another occasion, I woke in the middle of the night believing him to be next to me only to find it was a "mean" dream. Ugg.

"His love promises to sustain us, restore us, and make us new." I do believe that. He HAS sustained me. He IS restoring me continually. He HAS made me new in a wonderful way. (I only wish a certain someone could see this, would see this.) Amen to all that despite the continual pain. "It doesn't matter what we face in this life when we know that God in His timing, will change the outcome, either in this world or the next." I believe that yet the last three words do not bring me comfort. Changing the outcome of what's caused such pain in the next life seems to be pointless, especially since there is no marriage or marital relationships in Heaven.

"The worst thing that can happen to a person is never to know the love of God and His saving grace." Amen and amen!! That is the worst thing that could EVER happen. Second worse would be to know but not really know His love. To bear no fruit. To have no peace without skating on the edge of redundancy, let me quote it out of the mouth of a babe (Micca's young son, Parker). He answered his own question that he posed to Micca by saying: "Oh, yeah! If you don't know God's love, you can't be forgiven of your sins and go to Heaven. Nothing is worse than that!" Why is nothing worse? Because not only will one suffer misery on this earth but also in the next: hell without Jesus.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35, 38-39

I know that I have what prevents the worst from happening to me. So, I will never suffer the worst that could happen. Furthermore, I know there are worse things than what I've suffered in my life. There are worse things than being abandoned with despair by one's true love, soul mate, puzzle piece, other pea. I do not diminish the devastation and intense level of total heartbreak. Yet, I've not been beaten. I've not been sexually abused. I've not been homeless. I've not been through hunger. I've not been devastatingly ill. I've not been tortured. I've not been held hostage. I've not been enslaved. I've not been crucified on a cross. I've not been. That's right. So even though the worst thing possible ever to happen to me did happen, it really isn't. It's the worst thing possible to me but not the worst thing possible.

You know I like visuals and formulas so here you go...
Fearless living = partnership with God
Fearful living* = partnership with the world
*phobias, plagues, anxiety, fears

But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Refocus from self-centered to God-centered. "In truth, worry and stress are really symptoms of self sufficiency and lack of trust in God."

Micca shared the testimony she heard of a man who survived the 2004 tsunami. He saw the gigantic wave coming. He saw everyone frantically running. Then, he saw a native man running solo in the opposite direction, opposite of the crowd, oppositve of the natural. Instinct told him to get his family and follow the lone native. "With only a moment to decide, he chose to follow the road less traveled." The road less traveled.

"Whether we are conscious of it or not, each of us chooses the road we will travel in life. We follow either the broad way or the narrow way." For lack of a better word, isn't it ironic that the wider road provides less rewards than the narrow one. One would think a broad path would offer a wide range of opportunities, blessings, and rewards. But isn't that just like our Lord? He rewards and desires in us the opposite of what comes natural to us, to our nature. He rewards the less appealing, the less desiring, the less popular. He rewards the weak who depend on Him. He rewards the poor who give generously. He rewards the meek who are bold for Him. He rewards the lowly who rise to His character. The broad way leads to one result, destruction; but the narrow way leads to bountiful results.

I apologize for the length yet again. I tried with all my might to cut corners and cut words but my spirit spoke what it spoke. Praying the benefit outweighs the length. ☺

When the worst happens....He remains faithful, so remain faithful to Him.

Remaining Faithful to Christ,

© Copyright 2009

Renewed Trust by a Renewed Perspective

2009-04-28T17:20:00.002-04:00

Join me and others (at Lelia's) for chapter six "Learning to Trust Again" from Micca Campbell's book, An Untroubled Heart. Chapter six? What happened to chapter five, you ask? Well, I moved, I got busy, I was unmotivated to write, I was rebelling. The chapter was one a "sore" subject with me as I always feel left out and a loser for not being able to relate...yes, the "dreaded" parenting subject...motherhood...something biology has never produced for me (mostly by choice). So, let's gracefully move forward...

"If we don't know the truth, the enemy can easily keep you and me afraid and in bondage." Initially, I said in response to Micca's thoughts of betrayal, that I didn't feel betrayed by God. Yet to be honest, I have at different times. I don't feel betrayed at this phase but rather wonder why God's not working in my circumstance or more accurately, why I can't see any evidence of His work.

I love deeply the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Mary and Martha, much like you and me, were focused on their needs from their perspective. I can't imagine--scratch that--I can imagine (and know) how it feels to be "abandon" by a best friend(s) at the point in time needed most. Yet, we can see in retrospect that Jesus didn't abandon them. He wasn't passive or nonchalant about Lazarus' illness. Rather, it was that Jesus wanted to raise a dead man instead of heal a sick man.

I've reflected on this story numerous times in relation to my own life the last 22 months. I can imagine the glory of Jesus raising a dead marriage instead of simply healing a broken marriage. I cling to the belief and hope that God can and will do this just as He resurrected a dead brother for two sisters.

Jesus was asking Mary and Martha to believe. One of His goals was to transform their unbelief to belief. Help me overcome my unbelief. Mark 9:24 To ask such means we are asking to no longer have unbelief. We are asking for belief. We are asking for faith. We are asking for our faith to be increased.

Pain. Fear of pain. Urg. "It's an ache that you long to bypass for the rest of your life. Yet, you live in constant worry that it's lurking just around the corner everywhere you go and in everything you do." Bypass. Lurking. Have I ever asked God "Where are You? Where were You? Don't You care about me?" Have I asked? Oh brother, have I.

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 The first sentence, I buy. Yes, He is with me and is mighty to save. But, takes great delight in me? Rejoices over me with singing? Me specifically, Paula? I have to believe it because it's God's Word and I believe everything in it. However, do I understand it, feel it, really know it? No. Those words are very hard for me to imagine or fathom. I can grasp His love for mankind and everyone in general but for God to specifically and intently feel this depth of love and delight in me? Love, yes. Delight?

But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is in this day, to save many people alive. Genesis 50:20

"When [we] can let down those walls of fears and trust others again--especially God--we'll find healing and restoration just as Joseph did. Instead, we often want to cling to the belief that denial protects us from the pain and fear that comes with rejection, but the reality is that it only allows our wounds and fears to fester and grow." Read that again. First, denial does not protect us from pain. Believing that is false and only causes more pain and trouble. Second, denial is like gasoline to the fire...the flames only grow bigger, hotter, and out of control. I don't believe that is what any of us want--wounds and fears growing but that is what we choose when we refuse to acknowledge and keep denying.

"He may allow me to go through these things. It's not to cause me undue pain or fear, but rather it's to accomplish spiritual growth." Allow. Not cause. Undue pain. Accomplish. Growth. "Sometimes what God allows shakes us to the core, but He never intends to terrify us." Shaken to the core? Yes, I have been. Terrified? At one time seemingly. "In the end we'll find it's worth every heartache." Like finding the pot at the end of the rainbow, surely we will see our pot full of worth for all the pain. To give credit where credit is due (God), yes, I must acknowledge a lot of good has come from my long journey of heartache but I still desire to see the 'ultimate' in good. Yes, if I had to choose, I'd choose what He's done in me during this trial over the fulfillment of my heart's desire. Did I really say that? Do I really meant that? If not, I genuinely want to. I'd have to because of the growth and changes in me and my relationship with Christ.

The story of Micca's neighbor, Kathy, who is diabetic and was bitten by a brown recluse spider, is incredible. The combination of the bite and her diabetes caused significant loss of sight.

Can you imagine her anger and bitterness? To lose so much of her sight over a wasteless chance of a rare bite seems so senseless. I can imagine her questions. Why me? Why God? Where's God's protection and love? Yet to her amazement, her husband was the exact opposite of her. He was supportive, full of faith and reassurance. What's so amazing about that? Well her husband had fallen away from God and had not been attending church. He was faithful to drive Kathy to church every week but not attending with her. Until, one day he did and not only that, he rededicated his life to Jesus. So does Kathy now see the point? the purpose? Does she see why she was chosen? Yes because her loss and pain was her husband's gain--a renewed spiritual life with God. Fifteen years she worshipped alone. For 15 years! Then, one "coincidental" bite led to a joyous reunion--worship of her First Love with her first love. I did Kathy's words. My suffering is nothing--n.o.t.h.i.n.g.--compared to Christ's suffering for my salvation.

Kathy felt she saw what God was up to but many times it is very hard to see His hand and His handy work. For me, it seems almost impossible many times. Yet, I can make speculations of what He might be doing and why, or rather the good it will bring. I keep coming back to the sufferings of Christ. If He suffered and we are to be like Him, then must we not also suffer? One of my daily email devotionals has been going through a series on suffering and I find it very poignant this chapter came at the climax of that devotional.

"The only way to see worth in our pain is to realize it has purpose." Even if we don't know or see that purpose, we must know it does have a purpose. Suffering does transform us and gives us a ministry of compassion to help and understand others in like situations. I must remind myself that God is faithful and He does use every situation. So, we are not suffering in vain but rather for the greater good, of either ourselves or another.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

The Hebrew word for 'know' is yada. The Yada Yada Sisterhood comes to mind. "It is the deep emotional experience and bonding between two people, when one is truly able to feel the emotions of the other." Reading this I immediately thought of the bond between two females. It seems there is no other bond much like it...very unique in it's own way. The bond can be even more powerful when one or both females do not have a husband. Though I have been blessed with a few deep relationships, I still feel as though I long for another to feel exactly how I do, to know what my heart feels in the depths of it and in the quietest of places. I long for the yada of another to know my exact pain and heartache. Yet, that is not possible fully in another human.

Jesus is familiar with suffering. Even though He was never married/divorced nor experienced what I have, He knows my heart and my mind better than anyone, even myself. So He does know exactly how it feels to be me in my exact situation; He knows how my heart felt in the depths of love; He knows how my heart and another bonded so deeply in love; He knows how my heart feels absent of that; He knows. So my greatest Yada is with Him but He has blessed me with other yadas too.

"I can't tell you how many times I struggled with trusting God again after Porter's death. I mean, He's God. He could have saved Porter. At the time, I couldn't see past my fears. Therefore, I couldn't see God, let alone trust Him."

Jesus told Martha that she would SEE the glory of God IF she believed. Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God? John 11:40
Believing= Seeing

"If you and I will choose faith over fear, we will see the glory of God turn our worries into life and blessings." Can you imagine if each worry was transformed into a blessing? How many blessings would you have? The more worries we have, the more blessings we will receive WHEN we choose faith and allow God to turn those worries into blessings. Count your worries. Choose faith. Watch and then count your blessings.

Micca shared how she saw a very familiar and well-known verse in a very new light. John 3:16. We all know it. Yet her revelation was profound. "If God can trust you and me, then we can certainly trust Him. To think that God entrusted His Son to a broken, fallen, mixed-up world shouts one thing: Your parents may not be faithful; your spouse may not be faithful; your children, your friend, your boss, or even you may not be entirely faithful--but your God is always faithful! If placing His Son in the hands of a scared teenage girl isn't trust, I don't know what is. But choosing to stand on this truth is a step toward fearless living." How profound. Yes, He is God and He knew He could trust Mary because He is God. Yet, the act of trusting a mere mortal, a young human life with His Almighty Son...that does speak volumes. It speaks trust. It speaks love.

I chuckled over the beginning of this: "He doesn't ask me to develop a case of amnesia in which all memory of how others have hurt me is erased. He simply asks me to let Him open the wound and drain it of its poison." I chuckled over the amnesia yet in reality I do believe He does ask us to forget. We've always heard forgiveness is not forgetting. Yet, what is forgiveness? It means to act as though the offense never happened. So, no we don't mentally and physically forget but yes our actions are to reflect a level of forgetting...we are to act and behave and love toward the offender as though the offense never happened to us.

Open the wound and drain it of its poison. That is profound. Hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, resentment...they are poison in our wounds. If we let those things sit in our hearts and lives, they will consume us and kill us just like poison. I love this imagery of a wound and God draining the poison out of it. He drains the poison so the purpose can overtake and blossom.

After 1900+ words, I think I should abruptly stop, let your minds rest and soak up His goodness spewed from my feeble lips (fingers).

Trusting Him,

© Copyright 2009

With What You Got

2009-04-23T13:14:00.007-04:00

Young, spit-fire pastor Steven Furtick has an awesome desire to see many saved and recently spoke on the subject of "work with what you got". He shares in his powerful message about keeping your God-sized vision when there is no sign of it happening anytime soon. Steven is a dynamic pastor with a passion for impacting others for Christ. It’s definitely a message you won’t want to miss!! He started Elevation Church in Charolotte three years ago and it has 5000 members. He was a guest pastor at Seacost Church this message I described.

He speaks so passionately about his college years and how he ministered to other young men during that time. It is amazing how he almost gave up on his means to minister through the stomach, yes food, yet the result is amazing because he didn't. You will be blown away by the fruit of his faithfulness, what happened to those other dorm guys, and how many he impacted for Christ.

I want to pen this quote of his to forever etch it in my mind and have record of it. "Don't forget the promise and forfeit the payout because you fainted in the process." He spoke straight to my heart about how God gives us a promise, a word from Him so real, that we think it's bound to happen right now. Yet, we see nothing, nothing even remotely in that direction. No fruit. No evidence. Rather, it seems to be going in the opposite direction. However, it is in the process, the waiting, that we must cling to Him and His promise ever more.

He goes on to say "Because when what you've heard doesn't match up to what you see, you can believe God knows the end from the beginning and He's faithful in the process."

He's faithful in the process. He's faithful in the waiting. He's faithful. Period.

He shares a verse very precious to my heart. I don't recall reading prior to about five years ago while planning my wedding. It is the verse my beloved and I claimed for what God had done in joining our lives and then uniting us as one. I claim it now as I wait for God to ever so gently remind my beloved of this and His truth. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

How much more? Immeasurably.
To what extent? Beyond our imagination.
With what? His power.
Where? Within us.

HE is ABLE to do SO, SO much more that it cannot even be measured and it is so far beyond our beliefs and imagination. Whatever we ask of Him, it is still so much more than that...more than we ask.

Click here to go to the website and either listen, watch, or read the sermon. (I watched.) Enjoy. May his fire and encouragement be contagious.

Trusting the Lord to speak a special message to you. Believing you were directed to my site and this sermon for a reason, His reason. If you watch, listen, or read, please come back and share anything you feel God pressing on your heart. It would be awesome to hear how He designed this sermon as His personal message to you.

Believing Beyond My Imagination,

Pressure=Stress=Fear

2009-04-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

I thought I had a lot underlined in chapter three but chapter four, "The Pressure's On", was powerful also. So much of what Micca Campbell shares from "An Untroubled Heart" can't be said any better. As I began reading her words, I thought of this visual. Pressure = Stress = Fear. I had not put the three factors together in a succeeding manner.

Micca described living under such intense stress can be "like living in constant terror of an intruder..." I've never lived with the actual fear of an intruder but know many have. I describe my intensely stressful years as feeling like a pressure cooker. I'm not too young to know what one is and how it works. I can still remember that awfully loud whistle when the desired pressure was reached. Many times I felt such emotional and physical pressure that I could literally blow at any time. I refuse to even allow myself to feel that way again. It was a very dangerous, emotionally fatal, and unhealthy way of not dealing with stress and pressure. I am now spiritually grounded, as never before, to prevent that.

From Psalm 23, we see that Goodness and Mercy followed David (and us) all his life. I have never thought of Goodness and Mercy as God's bodyguards for us like Micca explained. How cool is that?! His goodness is His personal virtue. It is everything He has done and is doing. (What a God-incidence that I just posted on His goodness.)

Just as a bodyguard immediately runs to the aid of its protectee, God's bodyguards, Goodness and Mercy, run to our aid also. Every good and perfect gift is from above...James 1:17

Psalm 23 shows God, in His Goodness and Mercy providing for us. He is a very active God in our lives.

He makes

He leads

He restores

He comforts

He prepares

He annoints

He provides. He is (our) provision.

"When you're barely holding on, when you can't handle one more day of stress, when you can't parent those kids another minute, when you're about to blow--relying on God's Goodness and Mercy to show up will pacify your anxieties. They may not come when you want or the way you want, but God's provisions are always certain."

Micca described how she felt she had failed as a mother yet in the midst of that she was graced with the Mother of the Year award by ParentLife magazine. "Sometimes God lifts us from discouragement of failure in the most unexpected ways." She wondered how she could be given such an honor. For me, I can suffer from low self esteem. I also inflict more guilt than is necessary onto myself. So it is encouraging to my heart to think God says this to me also. The Mother of the Year award was as if God was saying to Micca: "Hang in there, don't worry. You're doing better than you think."

"Sometimes the most merciful thing God can do is let us fall. For some reason, it's when we're down among the mess we've made that we can truly see our lives clearly." How so very true. When we are down, we are wise to look up for our help...our only true help.

Discontentment. Contentment. We've all suffered at times from this struggle. I admit I have more times than not, especially in the last two years. Struggling with being content admist my current relational desires could be an understatement many times. "When we constantly want more than God has given us, this craving reflects a heart that is discontent." Yes, I fully admit this level of discontentment. "What we're really saying to God is 'I'm not satisfied with what You have provided for me. I want more.' " Ouch! That is tough. That is convicting. That is true. He has given me/us so much, how can we ungratefully say it's not enough and we want more? Yet, I'm so guilty of that. why can't I be satisfied in Him alone? Why can't I find contentment in Him as my husband? My heart never ceases to want the greatest desire of my fleshly heart: a marriage fully sold out to Christ, a circle of three restored.

I find it so pivotal that of all people, Paul discovered the secret of contentment. Being imprisoned so much, doing without, having a thorn in his side, living in singleness, yet...yet he was content. I have always thought it is odd that Paul and I differ only by one letter in name, yet we are so different. I admire his ability to endure so much and be so content. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 To top it off he wrote those words while in jail, innocent. "Finding contentment doesn't mean we have to like our current situation, but it may require an appreciation for it." By that means, then I guess I can say I'm content. I don't like my current marital state but I can certainly appreciate the solitude, learning lessons, and time alone growing in God.

"We develop contentment when we are thankful for what God has provided, whether we like it or not. That's because peace is not absence of pressure. It's the presence of God and our attitude toward His provision in the midst of our stress."

"Being appreciative sets us free from the desire to have and lets us rest in the riches of contentment." It doesn't feel like I have a long desire-to-have list regarding jobs, finances, places. Rather, my desires are relational and spiritual in nature. Even then, I still don't feel content. It's a struggle I pursue and desire to settle in my heart.

I stand in awe when Micca shares how her dad was compelled to get and pay for the life insurance until they could afford it. Only two weeks later, her husband died. (This provision allowed her to stay at home and not rush to get a job and daycare.) Only God! Only, only, only God could do something so amazing like that. What power revealing His vast provision.

Pressure to purify. Diamonds are pressured stones. Pearls are irritated sand. Pressure can and will purify us if we allow it to work out our character to His delight.

Acknowleding Goodness and Mercy builds our faith and outweighs our fears.

"I wonder in what ways Goodness and Mercy have shown up in your life recently just when you needed them most." Ha! Read this post from last week in which I highlighted goodness and good. Only God's timing would bring such a poignant summation of His goodness.

Ready and willing He is, to be our provision. Are we ready and willing? Like Micca, I too, want to be a woman who obeys God the first time without argument like the widow in 1 Kings 17. The widow didn't allow her need to cause fear and over power her trust and obedience.

Desperate times should not lead to desperate actions but rather to desperate cries to God for His provision. And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ JesusPhilippians 4:19

"God wants to bless us, but often we forfeit His blessings because we don't ask." Amen, sister. I have argued and stressed this for a long time. You do not have, because you do not ask God. James 4:2b If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22 (within context)

I may be walking down Lonely Lane and Brokenheart Boulevard, but Goodness and Mercy walk with me.

To see what others have to say, go to Lelia's.

Soaking in His Goodness,

How Good Is God?

2009-04-10T13:23:00.011-04:00

Very good. Too good. Unspeakably good. Indescribably good. Out-of-this-world good.

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

My only thoughts: God is so good and I am so undeserving of just how good He is. For two days I've been wanting to praise Him through my written word. The words didn't come straight to me. How can I formulate how good He has been to me without jotting a list. I don't want to minimize Him to a list. I don't want to praise Him just for what He has provided. For He deserves praise for Who He is and not just what He gives. Will a list do that? Will my praise over His immense involvement in my house dealings do that?

Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him! Psalm 147:1

Oh how I want to shout His praises. Oh how I want to "do" something for Him in return. Oh how I want Him to know I know. He has used my house dealings in SO many ways to not only show He's providing but to show me He's there. He's telling me that He's working in my life, with my housing, and He's working in the desire of my heart: to have a restored circle of three solely for His glory and to testify to His power to raise the dead, whether a body or a relationship. Even though I see no evidence of the latter, I tarry on and believe He IS working in His other child's heart too.

I cannot express how with every cloud, He has provided sunshine. With every dark spot, He provided light. With every disappointment, He's provided assurance. With every fear, He's provided peace.

How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me? Psalm 116:12

He is it. He is all. He is good when I am not.

Many of you know the occurrences in my house dealings: selling one, buying another. He has shown Himself in so many ways and I want to share all those ways but without details I wonder if I could adequately exemplify His extraordinary provision. I don't want to bore readers with details yet I don't know how to shout His praises in awe without the details. I want my awe to be contagious. I want others to be wowed with a $10 gesture and savings here and there.

Most recently, as a result of my current home inspection I agreed to fix the heat pump. I complied and fixed it at a tune of $327, a very unexpected expense, about two weeks ago. This Tuesday, I turned up the heat as normal when I got home. However, with it set on 67ish, the thermostat was not going above 58. My gut knew what this meant but my mind tried to scheme. I seriously, in my head, tried to pretend I didn't know. Imagine this scenario of convincing myself (and God) in my mind that I didn't know anything was wrong. Come on. It's hilarious thinking about it now. I, Paula, was trying to convince God in my thoughts (remember nothing verbal at this time) that I didn't see the thermostat and I didn't feel the chill in the air. But I can't afford another expense. I can't. Shortly into the battle in my mind, I heard this, "Do unto others." Three simple words. Ugg. Conviction. C-o-n-v-i-c-t-i-o-n. That's right. I would not want someone to leave me with a malfunctioning heat pump. So, the bartering began. Lord, I know this is what I need to do. It is what is right. I have to call my repair man, don't I? (It's has God gently said, yes child.) Okay. So, he said he fixed it and he didn't. I will ask him to come back and when he tries to present me with a huge bill, I will tell him I didn't expect a fee as it was to have already been repaired. Lord, I am doing what is right. I am doing unto others how I want to be done. I am being honest. I'm being straight forth and making this call. Lord, I ask for Your favor. Lord, I ask that my honesty would reap Your reward and a very cheap bill. Please have favor on me and make this work out, cheaply.

Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice. Psalm 112:5

I called my repair man. He went to the house that day, Wednesday, at 12:30. I was on pins and needles for an hour until he called back at 1:30. He told me it did it again. The same thing: a hole in the piping. He explained his fix. He said "I don't feel good about this. So, to be fair to both of us, I'll just charge you the cost of the freon. I won't charge you for the trips or the labor." I asked "just so I can prepare, how much is the freon?" He said, "$58.68 and that's dealer cost. So, if it's okay, I'll just send you an invoice." Yes, that's okay. No, that's not an expected expense but yes, that's wonderful. I had never been so happy to hear such a price. In my mind, I was thinking hundreds. I was thinking thousands maybe. It's one thing to spend that kind of money on one's own home but to spend it on a home being sold in which the benefits wouldn't be reaped, that's a whole 'nother thing.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. Psalm 116:7

Oblige me and let me also say in the last few weeks I've had some huge ups and downs. The biggest being the disappointment of not closing on my homes this Good Friday. I've come to accept that and now am excited that we are still only three days from closing. I had unkind and negative thoughts running through my mind regarding many people involved in my dealings. I was emotional to say the least. When it involves my heart, I get emotional and I need time to accept change (usually a few hours and it eases).

Then last night, I was informed of the bill amount for work that needed to be done in the new house. I was quoted $350-400. A few items were removed from his work list and a few added. I was prepared for and expecting $400. My realtor told me the bill came at $518. He proceeded to say: "This is what I'd like to do if it's okay with you. I will pay $300 if you'll pay $218. If that's okay with you. Is that okay?" With mouth dropped to the floor and wondering is that okay with me, I utter "Yes. Thank you very much. I appreciate that so much." Other kind words were exchanged. I then proceeded to tell him that the shower repairs reported on the new home's inspection were going to be $200 more than I anticipated so this will really help.

He has done numerous other things, in the amount of $10, in the amount of $900, in the amount $300. After my conversation with him last night, still stunned, I just said "It's God." It's God who orchestrated this. It's God who's done this. It's God whose favor is upon me. He not only showered upon me His favor with the heat pump repair but His favor continued a day later with $310 cut in costs.

The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all He has made. Psalm 145:9

The entire night I kept repeating "I'm not worthy. I'm so not worthy. Lord you know the thoughts and feelings I've had toward some business people. I'm not worthy. But You, Lord, have done this anyway. Why, Lord? Why me? I'm not worthy of You. But oh how my heart rejoices and praises You. Thank You, Lord. Thank You."

I see every good and gracious gift from God Above.

Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Psalm 106:1

Thank you for being patient with me and allowing my heart to ramble in praise to our Lord. I pray that something can be received by every eye that reads this.

So, does anyone want to know who the w-i-n-n-e-r-s of my gifts are? Everyone. We are all winners if we have Christ in our lives and hearts. On with the sentimental stuff; we want to know who's getting the goods. Drum roll please....

♥ Tina, The Shack
♥ Sharon, God Loves You
♥ Pam, Beth Journal
♥ Carol, Leather Journal

This was very hard because as a name was drawn, I tried to pick the most desired gift for each recipient. I warned you I'm weird like that. I hope you each enjoy the gift and surprises included. Please email me your address.

I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Praising His Goodness,

© Copyright 2009
May your Good Friday and Easter be a reflection and celebration of what Christ Jesus did for us. Thank You, Jesus, for suffering and dying a painful death for ME. ♥

Fashioned for Faith

2009-04-07T13:07:00.013-04:00

I sit here awestruck...stumbling for words. I usually write my "revelations" and thoughts as I read the chapter. However, as I sat reading chapter three of An Untroubled Heart, I found myself saying that is good, that is good...how could I say it better? I've underlined so much. Do I just retype her words as I can't say it any better or any differently? Sunday closed with no post written, a little distraught that the words didn't come as normal.

So here I sit, about to re-examine the chapter, what I underlined and what I think. Comfort zone gone. Fingers scared. What will come?

Just the words "under God's sheltering wings" automatically makes me think of the protection of a mother bird. I don't know where I've read it or how it was depicted but the basic gist is that during a forest fire the mother bird will expand her wings over her babies. She never moves from her position. The mother has ceased living because of the consuming smoke and fire. When discovered, we find the baby birds are fully protected from the fire and harm...fully alive.

Isn't this exactly what our God does? He spreads His wings over us, sheltering us from the destructive flames of life. We do not escape the fires or the effects of the smoke and smoldering flames. However, we are not consumed or destroyed by the fires of life because our Heavenly Father protects us.

To parallel that, don't you just hate how umbrellas flip up in the midst of a torrential rain storm? I bought a Tote umbrella with double "flaps" on vacation in Virginia as we were hit by Hurricane Edward. The gap between the two layers is supposed to catch the wind and prevent it from turning upward. It is a golf-size umbrella big enough for two. This was bound to protect me, right? For many months and many storms it has. Oh, but I remember the long walk in which it flipped on me as I walked into work. Yes, into work. That is, I had to work eight hours with whatever condition my hair was about to become under God's wet pellets from the clouds. (Come on ladies, that's just a crime to work under such conditions.) Oh, but this was "guaranteed" to not flip on me. It was said to be the best. It's still my favorite umbrella...no wet purses or wet shoulders with it. It still rarely flips. It is a Tote after all.

However, we can count on God to never flip on us. He will never turn up and fly away from us. He will never allow us to get drowned by the heavy rains of defeat. The storms will come, but God will protect us firmly! As Micca so poignantly said "Sometimes the storms of life can go on and on." Amen sister. It seems like our lives can sometimes be nothing but storms crying out to God for a drought or a desert-feeling life, any relief from the storms. I believe the Christian life is characterized by storms of life. We are either in one, about to enter one, or leaving one. Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

So that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them. 1 Thessalonians 3:3

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:5

"Under the wing of God we find strength to endure, peace under pressure, and a faith that anchors us until the wind and rain cease." Anchors us. Love that.

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times, I love when others quote my scriptures. Smiling here as they aren't actually mine alone but you know what I mean. :-) Micca quoted a scripture I stored in my heart years ago. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
"He knew we would be concerned about necessities of life. Even the most mature Christians today are apt to labor under the burden of personal concerns, family woes, and cares for the present, the future..." He knew we'd be concerned so He gives us love letters. He gives us affirmation that He does care about the littlest of things. Why do we worry so? Why are do we weary like we do? Cast all your cares on Him. Not just the biggies. Not just the job losses. Not just the financial woes. But the lost keys. The bad traffic. The many errands. The stubbed toes. The lack of devotional time. Everything. That is ev-er-y-thing.

Micca hit it on the head with this. "When it appears to me that God is not paying attention to my needs, worry returns, and I feel the need to do something about it." Okay, raise your hand if this is you. Okay, the rest of you are lying except the one raising her hand. :-) Seriously, do we not do that? We give it to Him and then He doesn't work as we think or when we think or how we think, so we grab it back. That's mine. I'll just do it myself!

Micca was talking about the time when she'd have colon attacks while grieving her husband, Porter. "I assumed that casting my situation on God and asking Him to carry the burden meant that my stomach troubles would go away. When I gave it over to God, I expected to shed the burden of going to counseling once a week and having that extra bill to pay. But none of that ceased. I kept having colon attacks, which meant I still needed counseling for my grief. And while I hoped that the counselor would at least ease my debt, she instead raised her prices. What was the point of giving my burden to God in the first place if He wasn't going to make it all go away? I wondered. The point is that when you and I cast our cares on God, we are recognizing that it's His responsibility to care for us--not ours."

This is where I could begin to quote pages after pages. She talks about how God uses a much larger canvas for our lives and we view our lives in little spectrums. We see the huge problem facing us right now, today, and not the benefit or advantage down the road from having endured that problem and overcome it. What we find as wasteful, pointless, painful beyond benefit, God uses for our good, for His glory. He uses all the bad for something good. We only need to trust and wait to see the fruit. Just as the fruit trees begin to blossom, we must wait for those blossoms to fall, and for the fruit to begin to form and grow until it's ready to pick. We then can lavish our lips onto those juicy and delectable pieces of God's yumminess. Time. His timing brings such a gorgeous harvest like none other can.

"He will allow nothing to happen to us that isn't filtered through His screen of protection. In other words, what won't destroy us, God uses to better us." Oh, how sometimes it is so hard for me to get my mind around that concept. If my life circumstances have been filtered through Him, then WHY has He allowed such things? When He was filtering these things why didn't He stop certain things? Why didn't He prevent things from going full course and being totally detached and buried beyond seemable resurrection? Yet, if I move my mind just a little bit, if I re-adjust my perspective and focus, I can see things that have happened in the last 21 months that most likely would've never happened had He not allowed the worst heart ache to ever touch me...death of a long awaited marriage with a Christian partner, with the love of my life. I've achieved so much in the last 21 months. I've grown leaps and bounds spiritually. He has done such wonderful things in my heart yet there's so much more growth I want to see in me. If He's done as much as He has, I can't imagine how much better is yet to come. Even with all the beauty in the ashes of my life, I still long for Him to filter my future...to make my desires happen, to prevent things from being buried any further.

Let's get back to the book. I guess that's why I never freehand my reflections on these studies...I'd have too many pages of rabbit trails since my hands can type faster than writing and the feelings flow when my hands touch these keys.

"God will not let our hardships destroy us." Are you sure? Sometimes it feels like it. Even as I see such growth in my life and heart, in moments of deep pain, I still say how much more God? When will the pain of my heart end? Will my heart ever heal or is that part of me destroyed by the hole left there? I feel destroyed at times by my failures and by the regrets of action I wish I had not taken. "You and I cast our worries on God, because it's His responsibility to give us what we need." We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Micca references Scarlet O'Hara in Gone with the Wind as saying she'll worry about it tomorrow. "We'd do well to do the same. It is not our responsibility to control our circumstances; it's God's."

That Micca sure had me humming as I read the section about God having the whole world in His hands. Sadly, I don't know any other lines except that one. I love the depth of her description. "The Lord God is so gigantic that He knows every creature that lives in that great body of water. He sees every ship that sails its waves, and He even knows where the body of every person lost at sea lies. With a God this big, what could ever escape His attention? What need could we have that He cannot handle?...Certainly, we can place our trust in a God so big that even the ocean waves obey their boundaries."

Wow...what a mighty God we serve. Stop and ponder that description of our huge God but not too huge to pay attention to us and care for every intimate detail of our lives.

Micca pointed out some very common words of people: Just believe. Just have faith. I, like her, have always wanted to ask, "Believe what? Have faith in what?" Faith is just faith. We can have faith in the winds or in a door knob. I know a very productive and beneficial group talks about its participants having faith. The group is not concerned in what to have the faith as long as there is faith. In actually, "there is no power in faith alone. Faith is only as good as its object." Faith alone is useless, pointless, and meaningless. Faith in Jesus is where there is power. "If you and I put our faith in faith, then the enemy will come along and tell us that our faith isn't good enough, strong enough, or real enough. This is satan's most devilish work." Don't put your faith in your faith. Put your faith in Jesus alone!

"If you and I believe prayer works, we will pray. If we believe God is working on our behalf, we will rest instead of worry; we'll have faith instead of fear." For some reason it seems the first part is easier and we are more likely to do it immediately. We know prayer works and we do pray. For the most part, we believe God is working on our behalf, so why do we worry instead of rest?

"When you and I worry, we are denying the wisdom, love, and provision of God...Worrying instead of handing our anxieties over to God says that we believe He is powerless to deliver us." Ouch. My toes are a hurtin'. Convicting, isn't it?

If you have any time remaining after reading this freehand novel, please go to Lelia's to see what others have to say.

(Don't forget to see my previous post on my give-away. I hope the controversial book, The Shack, has not scared anyone from entering. If you absolutely do not want that book, just let me know. I hope more people will comment and enter to win. Remember, four comments for four chances. Click here or just keep on scrollin' down one.)

Focusing on Faith and not Fear,

© Copyright 2009

Now the Give-Away

2009-04-03T19:41:00.011-04:00

A gift opens the way for the giver and ushers him into the presence of the great. Proverbs 18:16

I shared with you last week in this post how God birthed this blog...His blog...as it's all for Him. Okay, maybe not, because when I write, I truly commune with Him and that is for me. I'm selfish, huh, I like communing with the Almighty. I like feeling His presence, love, and peace. Who doesn't?

So, this is what I have for you.

♥Leather Journal with Jeremiah 29:11 on the front
♥Beth Moore, Get Out of That Pit Journal
♥The Shack By William P. Young
♥P.S. God Loves You Too! By Connie Witter

With each of these, you will also receive a surprise item or two. This is what I'm asking of you. For fulfilling each of these you get one entry. You need to leave individual comments on this post for each item.

1. Leave me a comment telling me which item you'd prefer or like best. To complicate things even further, how about you tell me the order of your preference. (I would like to try to give the item of highest preference to each winner.--Okay I'm anal that way. I like to give gifts but prefer they be a gift choice of the recipients. That's a good quality right?)

2. Leave me a comment telling me that you are in my followers' list.

3. Leave me a comment telling me that you have written about my blogaversary contest on your own blog.

4. If you are ambitious, leave me a comment asking me a question you’d like to have me answer in an upcoming blog post.

So, you can comment four (4) times, each comment will be an entry, and each comment has to be one of the above topics!

Remember all comments must be left on this post and there must be one comment for each request.

Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts. Proverbs 19:6 I expect to make many friends through this give away. Okay?! Just teasing. I've already been blessed with many friends here.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17 Amen, brother James. It is!

My life is in a little bit of chaos with packing, moving, painting, decorating, unpacking my households...from old to new, from past to current, from ending to beginning. I plan to draw a winner at the mid to end of next week. I'm closing on my "new" house on Good Friday. Easter weekend will be filled with color, paint, old sweats, worship tunes, me, the Father, and much praise for His goodness. So forgive me if there's a delay in the announcement and shipment.

Giving Unto You (Because He's Given Unto Me),

Fear or Faith?

2009-03-31T14:33:00.001-04:00

If my memory serves me right, there was a reality show called Fear Factor. I only watched it for seconds as I flipped channels. People's fears were being tested to the max--eating worms, laying in tubs of snakes, falling from heights. I never understood the point in giving attention to our fears in such ways. Dollar signs, I suspect...anything for Hollywood and attention.

Well, Micca takes us on a much deeper level in chapter two, "The Fear Factor", of her book, An Untroubled Heart. After you read this, see what others have to say also at Lelia's.

God does not want us to live in fear. Rather, it is His desire for us to live fear-free and faith-filled. Micca tells us that "'fear not' is stated in the Bible 366 times. That's one 'fear not' for every day of the year, with one extra left over for those really hard days." God is faithful to remind us to not live in fear. Shall we not be equally faithful to live in faith and not fear?

I was not surprised to see Micca quote a scripture I memorized some time ago. It's one of the most "popular" on fear. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT, NKJV, and ESV include the word fear with or instead of timidity. "You and I were created to live by faith, and in God, we have all the power we need for a faith that is stronger than all our fears." (emphasis added) "Most of what we worry about never comes to pass but we insist on tormenting ourselves anyway." How ironic, huh? It seems so senseless as we just worry in vain.

Worry causes: torment, temporary insanity, sleeplessness, reduced productivity, lack of participation in life. Living with fear means missing opportunities, wondering why, living below the mark, and stumbling. "Confidence in a faithful God unlocks the gateway to overcoming the fears of betrayal, loneliness, rejection, and the unknown."

No worry, know faith
Know worry, no faith

It is a hard and touchy question, but one I've often presented...if we worry, are we really trusting God? What kind of faith do we have? Do we have faith on a certain level? Do we worry on a certain level? I also pose the question, can worry become sin? I believe yes! If we worry to the extreme on an issue, then we are giving that issue more thought, more energy, more attention than we are giving to God. So what does that mean? It becomes an idol...anything we place above God. We may not be stating the worry is more important that God but by consuming our thoughts and hearts, it is saying that.

Grace.

"The truth is my biggest obligation is to maintain my relationship with God." God doesn't expect, nor does He want, us to do things on our own or in our own strength. It is only through His power, strength, and grace that we can do anything. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 The things that are impossible with people are possible with God. Luke 18:27

I about fainted when I read this: "Is there someone in your life planting doubt in your heart and mind over something you're already doing? If so, don't listen. Don't look back. Keep your eyes on Jesus and keep walking on water." Well, yeah. Whether directly said to me or not, I have many someones who doubt what I'm doing, that is believing God for restoration. I do not hold this against anyone. I know all wish me well and just want what's best for me. Maybe others are afraid to encourage me for the possibility it might not happen. Maybe divorce and multiple marriages are so rampant that it's hard to believe with me that this is God's will per His word.

I also know one of the "someones" is the great doubter and deceiver of all--the enemy. By no measure does he even want a marriage restored and God's glory shining. So, I will keep my eyes on Jesus, knowing I'm standing on His word, and will continue to walk on water with Him. Remember when Peter took his eyes off Jesus and he began to sink? I refuse to sink. I refuse to take my eyes off Jesus. I will trust that when He sees my eyes wonder, He'll send one of His helpers to encourage me in my stand and belief for restoration. He's done it for 21 months.

"God never meant for you and me to be strong in and of ourselves. We were meant to show His strength in our weakness as he provides for our needs." The prophets who by faith...from weaknesses were made strong. Hebrews 11:34 Power perfected in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real. The enemy is sneaky. He is the father of lies but also the father of fears. He knows fear can inhibit and freeze us. He tries to convince us of many fears: God doesn't have time for our issues, He isn't powerful enough, He's too busy, we have to do it ourselves. "We fear that if we bend our will to conform to God's desires, He might send us to some remote wilderness as a missionary." I had to chuckle as that is so true for many of us. If I give into His desires, what will He make me do? What will He ask of me?

Ironic that Micca brought up her incident with a snake, which is my worst physical fear, even more than heights. She leads right into correlating that to the biggest snake of all--satan. How true that we will continually encounter the enemy throughout our entire walk with Jesus. The closer we walk with God, the more we are active for Him, the hotter satan is on our trail. If we are lukewarm and inactive in our walk, then satan isn't threatened and therefore there's no need for him to be after us as much. Our Christian journey is marked by trials and temptations, providing opportunities for us to shine for Jesus.

Of course, I love my man James as his short book is poignant and powerful for every aspect of our lives. Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 Flee...f.l.e.e. I envision that to be instant and fast, immediate and rapid. He has no power over us. Rather, we have the power of Christ, the power of His blood. He can tempt but He can't conquer. James goes on to say: Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8 It's imperative that we sandwich the two sentences in verse seven with verse eight. Submit to God...resist the devil...he will flee...draw near to God. We are protected when we submit and draw near while resisting. See the encompassing circle of protection.

Walk out of His care. Walk into this fear.

"Faith in God's provision is our anchor that secures a life free from fear." (emphasis added) P.R.O.V.I.S.I.O.N. If we believe and trust His provision, then why shall we worry? Over what is there truly to worry? Nothing, with His provision.

Don't let anyone - friend, foe, family, satan, anyone - tell you that you can't walk on water when you are already walking on water. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Keep walking on water. I've had plenty of people think I can't walk on water; it won't happen as they are viewing it from human eyes but by supernatural eyes. I will continue to walk on water with Jesus and one day another person will also walk with us also.

Keeping My Eyes on Him
Stepping Out of the Boat
and Walking on Water,

Blogaversary Count Down

2009-03-27T12:35:00.007-04:00

I guess it is the "thang" to do when we have a blogaversary...have a give-away. I think the reason many of us choose to do this is because it's such a milestone. Those outside of the blog world don't realize the impact and how important it is. Some may think it's just crazy women (and some men) rambling about what they ate for breakfast or what time they went to the potty. NOT. It's about so much more. Ministry, love, friendships, bonds, healing. Some of my closest and bestest friends are online...some I've never heard their voices and none I've seen their faces outside of a picture. I feel weird saying this to my "in person" friends because again I just don't think the bonds in this atmosphere are understood. The word "blog" seems to have a trivial connotation to some "outsiders".

For the record, for my sanity, for your wonderful knowledge, let me share how God birthed me into this world. No not the physical world. I think you can all figure that...mom, dad, together, sperm, egg, Paula.

When my sweet beloved left 21 months ago (in June 2007), I remember that fall going online to christianity.com. I haven't a clue why I did. Maybe some sort of junk mail from crosscards.com I perused the site and clicked on about seven devotionals to which I subscribed. I read those daily for a while but soon found how crazy I was as I couldn't keep up with them. I am now down to three from those original but I've since added another one from Rejoice Ministries. One of the devotionals was Proverbs 31. I think every woman in blogland knows of P31. Ironically though, not many do outside blogland (at least the ones in my small town), maybe because we are far from the Carolinas.

One devotional of P31 was written by Rachel Olsen. I don't have a clue what she wrote. I just know at the bottom where it always gives the blog site, it said join her for a study on the women of the Bible. Alright! I signed up. Man, it was awesome. I began to meet these women...these women in the Bible and in blogland. I read my assignments, I commented, I read other comments. To this day, I still remember the majority of what I learned. We read about the obvious ones: Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Potiphar's wife. But then those I hadn't known: Rahab, Deborah, Jael (stabbing the man with a tent spear!).

I would visit the blogs of several of the women doing the study. I know at one time Rachel had over 100 comments on her study. It was a big group and a big deal, especially for me in many ways. I would visit other blogs and think "wow, I wish I could do that. She is gifted. She has a gift for writing. I wish I could write like that." I thought that every time I visited a great blog.

One day, I was forwarding an email to my church ladies' small group. As usual, I don't just forward inspirational emails. No, I have to put my two cents in and write something. That is exactly what I was doing...and...BAM! Mid sentence, God spoke. He said "you can write. You can create a blog and write what is in your heart." I remember, I cut my email short to the girls, and said "God just spoke to me, I've got to go." I went right to blogland and created it. I remember just the words "His Way". I knew that my life was not happening the way I wanted nor the way I thought. I knew He had a plan and He would restore my marriage and my life and my heart but in HiS WaY. I knew there was a scripture to support that. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8.

And thus...His Ways was created in me. My sweet beloved had told me over the years together that I had a gift for writing when I'd write him letters, cards, emails. He would always say how well I wrote this or that. Always. I never really thought much of it. I knew for a long time I was better at the written word than the verbal one as I need the time to process my thoughts and formulate in my head.

So, with that came my first post on April 9, 2008 entitled He Spoke.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have the impact I do on others. I still don't think I impact many for much. BUT, I have to believe and trust what my readers and now wonderful friends tell me. I have to remember it's not the numbers. Even with 63 followers, my flesh wants to say but I only have ten comments or six, or sixteen. It's not about numbers. It's about souls. And if you read and are encouraged but never comment and tell me that, it's okay because your soul is better for it. I would like to be selfish and say please comment and comment regularly. Tell me how my writings make you feel, good or bad.

I don't remember how it came about, but then God spoke to me my blog mission. I believe in one post I had just written a couple sentences. Then later I went back to retrieve them and officially claimed that as my blog mission: to enrich your life, encourage your heart, enlighten your mind, and strengthen your walk.

So because I learn from the best, I am going to leave you with that cliff hanger. I'll be back to tell you how I want to bless my pReCiOuS pEePs in celebration of how you have blessed me and what God has done in me and through me. I love you all...my precious peeps.

Come back now, ya hear.

Lovin' Him and Lovin' Ya'll,

Surviving My Unthinkable

2009-03-24T16:22:00.000-04:00

New spring season. New week. New beginnings. New online Bible study. Won't you join us? Go to Lelia's to find out more or just read more. Even if you are not reading the book, I'd be ever so blessed and overjoyed for you to visit here every Tuesday to read what God's showing me. Share with me what you gleam from God through me. I'm only a vessel. His vessel.

Micca Campbell is one of the fabulous ladies of Proverbs 31 Ministries founded by Lysa Terkeurst. She has a new book called An Untroubled Heart about "finding a faith that is stronger than my fears".

Let us look at chapter one "When the Unthinkable Happens". Knowing Micca's story, I presumed the chapter would tell us of her unthinkable...losing her first husband at a young age in a burn accident leaving her a single mom of a young child. I could relate to her experience of the unthinkable. My unthinkable happened to me 21 months ago on June 22, 2007.

Micca describes Porter. "I knew this person who didn't even kiss on the first date was the one for me...It felt as if the whole world had been created just for us. Nothing could penetrate our circle of love. I had found my prince charming and I had planned to live happily ever after." I thought Micca had entered my head and wrote MY thoughts and heart in her book. I put a note in the margin: "C and me". My dream has been temporarily shattered for now. Not by death like Micca but by divorce by the legal system, which many time feels much worse.

This also hit me. "My dream had become a living nightmare from which I couldn't escape. Life was lonely without him. I felt deserted by my God, the God I had loved and served since I was a little girl. Why would He betray me? Why didn't Porter fight to live? It wasn't fair! This was not what I had planned."

Why had God allowed this to me? Why didn't C fight for our marriage? Why did God allow satan to lie to him about God's view of our covenant? Why wouldn't God change this course? Why has He not allowed me a second chance? You, God, could've changed this. Again, I could related on a different level the pain and confusion Micca endured.

"Our present fears are fueled by our past experiences." Isn't that the truth. For whatever reason, it seems my recent house deals have shown me God is working. He has not forgotten me or my dead marriage buried six feet under. He is not being flippant about my circumstances, my heart, my life. He needs more time for His plan to work. He wants more time. Things and people need more time. I can feel a certain sense of peace and endurance to continue to wait. Yet even with a certain phase of my life beginning anew, I fear being too happy with upcoming changes. I feel guilty for a certain level of moving forward without my beloved. It just doesn't seem fair or right for me to walk this path without sharing it with my love. I don't want my life fully rebuilt on singleness with him. Though I know for now, I must. I need to accept that, know it's okay, and remember my hope and belief in God's power to restore.

"There is nowhere we can go to escape God's presence. Though it might not feel like it or look like it, God is always near." Isn't that awesome. The word escape seemed to be in bold, highlight, and capitals when I read that. To escape something is to try with all our might to get away, using all our energy to run from something. No matter what we do, we can never escape God. I trust just as the Lord chased me and didn't allow me to escape Him forever, He will also not let His other children escape Him and His way. He will do whatever it takes to woo His children back onto His path, back into His graces, back within His obedience.

God is always near. What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him? Deuteronomy 4:7 I admit for 21 months I fluctuated on wondering where God was or better yet what he was doing or rather not doing. So many things can be revealed through my house deals. I believe it has little to do with relieving me of the physical and financial burdens. It has more to do with: 1) showing me He IS working in my life (all aspects). 2) If He's working in my housing, then I must trust He is also working in my beloved's heart and restoration though I see nothing of it. 3) It will take more time - 21 months to sell a home - how much more difficult it is to work in hearts thus even more time needed.

I thought it no coincidence that Micca shared a Psalm with us that I committed to heart years ago. The Lord is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 God is the best help we could ever need or hope for. He is in control of my troubles and your troubles. He's here to help in all trouble. He has the answers for any trouble we can encounter. He can do what I can't in my troubles, what you can't in your troubles.

Again, Micca and I must be reading the same Book! I love James and particularly the scripture she shared. Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 Trials bring a mixed bad of emotions. For me, they are mostly painful, draining and difficult. At different times, they've brought anger. As difficult as trials are, it is beneficial to see them as stretching one's faith and character, growing closer to Him and more like Him. Considering it all joy when we face trials is a matter of perspective and focus. Joy is not because those things happen. Joy is in spite of those things happening. Joy is because we are leaning on Him, growing in Him, and testifying to Him.

In addition to producing joy, trials should produce endurance: the ability to endure anything with Christ and the ability to go the distance and not poop out. Of course, I don't believe God expects this to happen over night. It is a process. We are a work in process. Trials have made me much stronger even though I am still very weak outside of Christ. Even though I don't think I can handle this or that, trial x or y, I'm sure I can because I've endured the worst of them: rejection and abandonment by the love of my life.

Surviving with Christ,

God Is Always Faithful

2009-03-21T11:52:00.006-04:00

I know it's about time to think of my weekend post. I'm so ready to write with the Lord. I've sought my notebook and asked Him to show me the words and the post to share with others. On the way home from my ladies small group Bible study on Thursday, I went to the Lord again, praising Him for what He's done. In awe of why He'd do such things for me. In awe of how I can clearly see His plan, His hand, His direction in my life the last 21 months. I passed a church and just happened to look to my right. What did it say? Yep, you got it...the title of my post. "God is always faithful." I knew it then. Even though I passed another sign saying "Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not." Ponder that. A broad thought yet profound statement. I still knew the direction I was to take but no words.

God is always faithful to us. He is faithful when we don't see Him. He is faithful when we don't feel Him. He is faithful when we don't understand Him. He is faithful when we are not faithful to Him. Get it. He is ALWAYS, ALWAYS faithful. What does He have to do or say to solidify that in us? Yes, I believe most of us know that. But do we know it? Really know it. Really feel it. Really believe it. Or does He give us signs? Does He show us His hand in our lives to reaffirm He is faithful? Yes, there are signs all along our paths to show His faithfulness to us. We only need to look, see, and pick up those signs and place them deep in our hearts.

If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. 2 Timothy 2:13

My Lord has been faithful to me. More than faithful. More faithful than I deserve. I see His Hand. Oh, how I could tell the stories of how He's shown me a direct relationship to someone entering my life 25 years ago and how that person to this day has been used by God in regard to my recent house deals. (She entered by life 25 years ago and has only recently reappeared in the last couple of years.) He used her and her friendship with me to keep His plan in check as of recent. I can't explain it better than that without sharing more than I'm allowed. I hate that God has clearly shown me His direct hand in a specific situation yet I've given my word to not share that information. It was confidential but she shared it with me. I'm so glad she did, not because it was confidential or not because of the information itself. Rather, because it pointed even so clearly and directly to Him. Oh how I wish I could share more details so you too could see His hand...see the awe I feel. But, you will have to trust me and allow me to praise Him in my heart and through my vagueness.

I have no idea if this is going to enrich, encourage, uplift or strengthen anyone. Oh how I pray it does. I just feel led to share His faithfulness to me and to encourage others to hold tight to His faithfulness to you also. I hope I never forget this time of God revealing His faithfulness. May I cling to this in times when I don't clearly see or feel His hand in my life, when I'm clueless as to what He's doing or why He's doing this or not doing that.

He has been faithful to provide my finances. He has been faithful to provide peace in the midst of confusion. He's been faithful to provide an outstanding realtor. He has been faithful to guide my decisions. He has been faithful to make my path clear. He has been faithful to provide overwhelming peace when I needed it so desperately in decisions. He has been faithful in instilling in me a gift and love for writing. He has been faithful to provide a deeply loving family. He has been faithful to provide friends who genuinely rejoice with me. He has been faithful to share hearts I've never met yet they have embraced and loved me for who I am. He has been faithful to extend encouragement through others of who I am in Christ, who I am in heart, who I am in personality.

I've never felt so beautiful as a person inside. I've been encouraged in such a way that I'm beginning to believe again I am and have a beautiful heart and a sweet spirit. Rejection and abandonment from the past had caused me to think I really am a terrible person. No, I've done terrible things for reasons understood now, but those terrible actions/sins don't make me who I am. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

You found his heart faithful to you, and you made a covenant with him to give to his descendants the land... You have kept your promise because you are righteous. Nehemiah 9:8 His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' Matthew 25:21 I hope He has found, is finding, and will continue to find my heart faithful. I know He is righteous and will keep His promises. Oh, I definitely desire to share in my God and Master's happiness. Is there anything better?

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to His service. 1 Timothy 1:12 Again, I can only hope and pray HE sees me as faithful. What honor it is to be appointed to His service, to do His work.

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 He has definitely strengthened me and protected me from harm the enemy intends.

So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. 1 Peter 4:19 I can attest to my own share of suffering and pain. I don't believe some of it has been God's will but rather He's allowed it and allowed free will. Nevertheless, He is my faithful Creator and I commit myself to Him always and doing His good.

See how faithful He is...
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he. Deuteronomy 32:4

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. Psalm 25:10

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. Psalm 33:4

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. Psalm 145:13b

Rejoicing in His Faithfulness,

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